Intermission #28

There are things that can easily mute my tongue and yet trigger an endless chain of thoughts in my head. They don't go away easily either, and have this tendency to pop out at the most inopportune moment.
Perhaps one reason why I somewhat (kind of) enjoy working is that it helps to take my mind off such distractions. Whatever spare time I have is enough just to dwell on them without going overboard.
Lately the threshold's getting lower...and I'm scared to know what will happen when I give in to them.
I'm not acting my age, am I? Why do I allow people to fluster me only too easily? Is my self-control really this unreliable?
...I guess this is why I always have a certain dread towards Raya.
I'm sorry, God, for feeling sorry for myself despite having no solid reason to.

Still Standing

Here I am, still relatively sane ('though probably that isn't saying much, considering I'm still so green in this working business...) and, surprisingly, kind of enjoying this tagging period.

But that's not the biggest surprise.

(Take note, people, because this is where I act all out-of-character that one may be compelled to accuse me of no longer being myself.) Here goes:

I am thankful that I went to UIA.

There, I said it.

Not to say that it's a perfect 10 in my books, but it's pretty close. And all the emotional trauma(?) and harsh words that HTAA had bombarded me with? Yeah, somehow it managed to toughen me up (so far, at least), that the current hospital I'm posted at is a welcoming change.

And need I go into the knowledge aspect? Not to say that I'm uberly awesome (haha, whut?), but at least I still have some rough idea on the whats and the whys. Other things just need time - and a lot of reading and refreshing.

So far Orthopaedic's pretty okay, but I have only followed one specialist's rounds so far, and there's a lot more to be seen and experienced. Then there's the bit about Ortho being the most relaxed posting compared to the rest, so it's good, right? I mean, this adapting business takes time, and what better to spend it in a posting that doesn't really demand much from you to begin with?

Those of you who are aware of my initial horror of being posted in Ortho (which went along the lines of "zOMGwhatonEarthwhyOrthoWHY!!!???") may now give me that knowing look and say, "I told you so!".

Regardless, at least I still got my raya break - probably more than I had hoped for, although the price is by no means small. I don't even know - better make the best of it, yes?

...And now, allow me to reminiscence on my experience in Ortho posting in my university student days while I wait for the night round.

Current Music: Seigi no Koe ga Kikoeru kai? - Hirata Hiroaki & Morita Masakazu

What Lies Ahead

"Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity" ~ Albert Einstein

1. The clock keeps on ticking, the countdown doesn't stop, and my agitation is worsening. So much so that even my sleeping schedule is royally disrupted, because my brain has kicked into defense mode - writing, or more accurately, the desire to write.

My muses are in a state of unrest, my plot bunnies run wild, and my mind refuses to conform to what logic insists I should do. Not good, not good at all.

I want to give it up. Maybe find another hobby, or another way to engage my brainworks.

...But because things rarely go according to plan, I'm quite scared to commit to the idea of forgoing it. Who knows what kind of things will accumulate in my head without a proper outflow channel?

Sometimes I see myself as a collector. I pick up things here and there, mostly reluctantly and out of the force of habit, but even when I thought it has long left my person, even when I become liberated from its iron grasp, the tiniest proof of its presence still remains, and it can go viral when least expected.

2. We fear what we do not know.

I think one of the greatest problems that I have with this line is the sheer uncertainty of what will come. I'm talking in terms of patients' sequelae or prognosis, but more of "What will come through that door and into my care?". Or, in broader example - Which posting will I be placed in? Which hospital?

We also fear what we cannot control.

3. As a side note - I mentioned elsewhere that I absolutely hate batik. Subsequently, I hate shopping for batik, especially when there's not much choice to begin with. Honestly, though, it's pathetic.

...If the government wants to make it a ruling or a dress code, for God's sake make sure there are enough supplies to meet demands. And those supplies had better be darn good.

Ugh.

Current Music:  e・ter・ni・ty - UraBoku OST

I Can't Even

1. I...think there is something very, very wrong with my attention span these days. It'd better be remedied before I start working, for the benefit of all involved.

Am I scared to make the leap? To finally be one of the working class? For sure I am, although to be honest that it has always been something that the younger me were looking forward to.

It's like a whole new life to lead, a new identity to don. No more living for oneself, and we have no choice but to be thrown into the unpredictable, the uncontrollable.

It's times like these that we realise how small we are.

2. As a side note, Oscar Wilde once declared "Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life" in his essay, The Decay of Lying (1889).

Today we started baking Raya cookies; Our standard fare - Cornflake Cookies with Chocolate Chip. (Never mind that I had insisted that it's simply too early for that - because the mere presence of said cookies will threaten our dietary habits and put my pancreas in a difficult position - but I lost the debate because they figured out that they'll be short of manual labour once I start working...My plan has failed!) And...well, the outcome was disastrous.

Cue facial grimace.

Allow me to maintain that I only started on it when the damage was already done, but ignorant as we were, we pressed on. (This is not a situation to apply the old adage of "Ignorance is bliss")

Anyway, we wondered why the texture turned out wrong. They crumbled easily, and it was insanely dry. And it was tiresome just to roll the batch into their proper shapes prior to their voyage into the oven.

But we remained positive. (See what optimism can do to me!? It backfired!)

It came out morbidly salty. The sweetness of the chocolate chips was entirely wiped out. Suffice to say, it's not an experience I wish upon my worst of enemies. (Haha, really?)

"Apparently it was salt," said my brother.

"Salt?"

"Yeah. The usual container for sugar actually had salt in it..."

Pause. "You mean this actually happened in real life!?"

"You think it only happens in TV shows?" my mom said flatly.

And now, each time I pass through the kitchen, I can only stare at the biscuits in both dismay and frustration at the sheer waste of it all.

3. Why am I not too upset with the prospect of possibly having to work during 'Eid? I'm more distressed with the idea that I will be missing my weekly shows!

Current Music: Asterisk - Morita Masakazu (cover)

Intermission #27

1. So it's here again - the holy month, Ramadhan. Hope it will be an opportunity to increase our piety to Allah and our humanity to our fellow humans. Also...do more good deeds!

2. The yearbook finally arrived! Let's just say that I'm ecstatic, and it's done really well. Kudos to the team!

3. Asking out of curiosity, anyone using Google+ so far?

4. Just how much apparent to us is the Truth?

Current Music: Saraba - Kinmokusei