Of Hate and People...and Hating People

Despite the negative ambiance the title is supposed to carry, it's better to view this entry as a sarcastic view of life's many colours.

(i) People
You know the inherent tendency to develop change. Simple examples like how one's worldview changes with each passing episode of one's life.
I just realised that it's not necessarily change per se...
...it's the discovery.
Initially you know the person's one aspect of personality, and then the other...The latter of which may seem to be in direct contradiction with the first.
It's only when you contemplate more on the complexity of human behaviours that everything - if not most things - start to click into place.
So maybe it's more complicated than just blaming everything on people changing. It's when the situation changes, and the person just reacts to it...just not the way you had expected or wanted him/her to.
...It's hard to accept, but hey, that's just the way it is.
Like I like to say : Life's a discovery.

(ii) Hate
Generally speaking, people hate someone either because they are bugged by it, or because they think they're superior to it. Overlap between the two may occur.
But seeing how they respond, it's pretty easy to guess.
When they don't actually try to help you to alleviate a certain situation, it's kinda obvious that it's the superiority complex, if there exists such a thing.

(iii) Hating People
Although this is related to (ii), it's more personal.
I remember saying that I'd rather avoid conflicts...but when conflicts come to me, the debater in me is unleashed and all hell breaks loose.
So far I haven't reacted too badly, I think.
When I hate or dislike people, I try to find the reason. In most cases, I end up hating myself for hating the person, especially when I realise that I may not be a good enough person to start judging people and labelling them either 'likeable', 'tolerable to a certain extent' or 'despicable'.
Last night I could find no answer to this hate. Which led me to this certain feeling of relief.
I haven't had the enjoyment of hating someone for a long time. Especially when it's hate at first sight.
I'll remember the name, the face, and the words. Seriously though, I'd rather forget the words.
Still, the person is too grating to even deserve a space in my memory.

Yes, I know that this entry exposes the bitter side of me - A side that is writhing to get out and wreck turmoil to seek revenge.
So what am I to do now? Especially when I'm confronted with this abominable, haughty excuse of a *****?
Just give the thing a smile that wishes it an unbearably painful misery; A sadistic smile that is oblivious to whatever the thing has to say or do.
This will be one smile that is the most effortless of all.

Another Personality Thing

Your answers suggest you are a Counsellor

The four aspects that make up this personality type are:

Summary of Counsellors

• Search for meaning in their life and develop powerful insights
• Are dedicated to helping others reach their potential
• Think of themselves as gentle, peaceable and cautious
• Others may find it difficult to get to know them

More about Counsellors

Counsellors have a natural understanding of human relationships and the complexities of life, which they use to help others. They search for meaning in everything and develop complex insights.

Counsellors are least likely to describe themselves as atheists, according to a UK survey.

Counsellors feel most relaxed and creative when their surroundings are organised. They are deeply private people who only share their insights with trusted friends; however, they will defend their values if challenged.

In situations where they can't use their talents or are unappreciated, Counsellors may withdraw from the people around them or become resentful. Under extreme stress, Counsellors may feel overwhelmed and be driven to organise small parts of their lives such as their kitchen cabinets or their record collection.

Counsellors typically prefer a few close relationships to a wide circle of friends.

Counsellor Careers

Counsellors are often drawn to jobs where they can help people develop emotionally, intellectually or spiritually and where they can use their imagination.

It's important to remember that no survey can predict personality type with 100 percent accuracy. Experts say that we should use personality type to better understand ourselves and others, but shouldn't feel restricted by our results.

- - -

Funny. I could have sworn that I got "Idealist" some time in the distant past...


Current Music: Death Wish - Gackt Camui

P/s: It saddens me to find out that Maryam won't be updating her Cappuccino blog anymore...tsk tsk. It's a great loss. Alas.

P/P/s: ...I'll probably talk about how I'm faring in O&G later. Like, some time later. Don't know when, but later...

Stitches

Had an episiotomy workshop today. Suffice to say, I developed a newfound respect for tailors worldwide...
...and I doubt I can ever make it as a surgeon. Still, who knows what the future holds?
A friend - classmate, in fact - asked me why didn't I take up office work instead. To which I responded with, "Because I don't like paperwork, and I'd rather work on people."
Notice the words "work on people" instead of a more amiable "work with people".
...I'll touch on this later. Don't know when, but definitely not now.

I seriously need time for myself. All the sugar I've been taking in does not seem to work in mending my mood, and my headache's pretty unbearable.
I just don't want to see some people for awhile.
Of course I realise that I'm asking for something that's impossible.
I need more strength this time around. Previously, while I was still in IM, most of my energy went to my task of adapting to the new environment and accepting that I have, to some extent, changed...in aspects that I myself found it hard to tolerate. Currently, the energy should be mobilised to enduring the stressful environment (created by some people who are notoriously hard to work with!) and struggling with all the hassles and competitions and tiring tasks.
...I found myself questioning whether I was really tailored for this profession more than ever. It's obviously not in my genes, so what is pushing me forward?
The cognisance that it's too late - and too rueful - for me to turn back alone is not enough.

Current Music: Saving Me - Nickelback

A Passing Moment

So Boss-dude said that my blog is apparently full of complaints. But hey, it ain't false, so I'm not complaining.
Insert smiley face here.
Am currently thanking God for my pass in the previous clinical exam, despite it all. It's pretty sad, that I could only see the beauty of Internal Medicine when I'm now in Obstetrics & Gynaecology.
Of course, an even greater challenge awaits me in this world. Where the gift of life seems so beautiful, so is the reality that surrounds this joy.
But it's still to early for me to say more.
Still, allow me to say this, for my future reminder at least - We should always be prepared for disappointment, and from there, be patient.
I'll continue this later, if it's God's Will. Right now I've to read up on the anatomy of female perineum.
God help me.

Current Music: XTC - Psychic Lover