Money money money money money!

No, I do not think that I'm too old for a Hijikata plushie. And a Sasuke plushie.
It's not that I use them to cuddle and act all mushy and stuff. Not much, anyway. Most of the time I shove my fist into Hijikata's disproportionate head.
They can't sit up nicely anyway.
I'm considering getting a Naruto plushie next. As for Okita...well, the thought does occur to me, but I think I'd lose it if suddenly I find Hijikata one head shorter. Or blown to pieces.
...
And paying RM35.90 for KH2 OST is definitely not something I would feel sorry about. I mean, hey, it's time to actually show that I do enjoy KH and its associated media.
And I was relieved that the next KH installment is meant for the PSP! So now I've to work hard so that I can say that it's all worth it!
Next aim: Pass my First Pro exam, then get a PSP!
So there.
Smirk.

Current Music: Roxas - KH2 OST Disc 1

P/s: The title of this entry is supposed to be sung according to 'For the Love of Money'

Beyond Words

It's when Raya is around the corner that I cannot help but think: What exactly does it mean when somebody says sorry?
A) "I feel awful for being such an inconsiderate person in that I failed to pause and wonder if my next step would bring you immeasurable distress?"
B) "I regret for having caused you much grief, and will see to it that it shall not repeat in the future"
C) "I know I shouldn't have done it, but I had to (or, I just did). Now that I'm asking for forgiveness, it naturally follows that you should forgive me"
D) "I suppose I did make you feel sad/angry/annoyed/etc, but I can't remember any right now, so I'll just do this because it's tradition"
E) "Oh, heck, everyone's doing it. I'll just follow the crowd"

But I'd like to point out that whatever one's answer may be, in some (most?) cases it's easy to forgive but not easy to forget.

So what _does_ forgiveness actually mean?

A dictionary defines it as "stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake".

I mean, it actually helps that forgive=/=forget, because otherwise, we'll be ignorant of the fact that it could happen some other time even after the negative emotions have long subsided. We'll just get mad all over again, and the whole process will repeat itself...until one party decides that he/she has had enough of it all.

Of course, some people never learn.

More beyond this field of vision »

Zero Title

Because my thoughts today have been random, and may go on as random for a few days.

My break is bound to be over in less than 2 days, and I'm not ecstatic about it. It's mostly because I enjoy breaking fast at home, where one doesn't really have to worry about whether or not the cafeteria has enough food to cater to all, plus the unbeatable, traditional home-made food. Sure, add the one about "cooked with motherly love" and all, it's quite near to the truth.

Never mind that I'm only halfway through Kingdom Hearts II. Maybe it'll take another 3/4 year for me to finish it, when a longer break comes (read: after my First Pro exams).

Then there's also this news of another Kingdom Hearts coming, as hinted from a secret ending in Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix+, featuring 3 new characters (Terra, Ven and Aqua) pitting their skills (and failing miserably...) against some bald old guy and his own, um, sidekick thingy. Since Ven looked awfully a lot like Roxas, there was a lot of speculations going around among fans. Anyhow, Nomura declared that the game is set some time between Kingdom Hearts, and Chain of Memories & KH2, and that it's more of a side story rather than part of the main storyline we've seen so far.

Plus, there's no definite answer as to what platform it'll be on; Most probably (seeing the drop-dead gorgeous animation) it's on the PS3, but I'm really, _really_ hoping that there's truth in the rumour that it's for PS2.

Speaking of PS2 and PS3, I do wish Sony would just stick and improve an already existing console rather than go and create a new one. While I do understand human's constant endeavours for improvement, more advanced technologies and greater aesthetic enjoyment/achievement, eventually there has to be the end of the line. I mean, how about upgrading? It's too much to ask loyal fans to buy a new console just so they could enjoy the latest addition(s) to the hit franchise!

And darn, PSP itself is one heck of a grand temptation, especially since I found out that there will be Star Ocean and Star Ocean 2: The Second Story remakes, entitled Star Ocean: The First Departure and Star Ocean: The Second Evolution respectively. Of course, not discounting the remake of another FFVII chapter called FFVII: Crisis Core.

If my overwhelming desire is not enough to keep me unhappy, I still need to figure out how to get Chain of Memories work on my iBook!


Current Music: Get Over - Dream

Keyword of the day: Doughnut.
Simply because I'm for it. Smirk.

Anyhoo, fasting month is here again. Saa, I pray for the best in performing the obligations! May God bless our effort with his Kindness.
Not really in the mood to do much blogging now. Just finished dl-ing KH1 OST...and my eyes are starting to hurt. Maybe the screen's a tad too bright...

Current Music: Honjitsu, Mijuku Mono - TOKIO

Daikirai

I, without any reservation whatsoever, hereby express my utter disappointment, aversion, and disgust at megaupload.
All download slots for the country unavailable, huh? For the past, what, four months at least?
Tch.
No way on Earth am I downloading that darn toolbar. It's spyware I tell you!

Current Music: 0:00 a.m. - ACID

Inochi wa Michi mitai naa..

They say that the people of my country are bad drivers. Kiasu-ness roam free, mat rempit race on the roads 'coz they're not good enough for the real tracks, honks go off like some sort of an orchestrated piece of some random sounds strung together to be called 'music', people act like they own the road...and the endless list goes on.

As for me...I frankly consider myself as a decent driver.

Decent goes beyond the fact that I've never raised the finger to anyone, even when I've lost it (Seriously, I doubt I'd be using that tactic anyhow...). I've never honked at anyone, even when I was caught be surprise or things like that. I criticise a bit, and then let it go.

So imagine my fury when I got honked at for more than ten times.

Geez, people are so annoying!

It wasn't entirely my fault. The clutch was heavy that it didn't respond to my commands immediately. And because of the imbalance between the clutch and the accelerator, the engine ends up dead. Prolly more than twenty times.

Oh, heck.

If that isn't bad enough, there are times when I had to wait to get the engine ready to move the car after I restarted the engine.

Gahhhhh.

So my driving skills is nothing to be proud of. I don't have enough practice (so, apparently, driving a Kancil around doesn't even define practice) simply because there's no suitable car for me to use!

And no, I don't think I'll be asking for a car anytime soon ('soon' here refers to within the next six or seven months). I mean, yeah, in a way I do need it (actually, the scale's a bit heavier to the "Need" side rather than the "Want") since my campus if quite far from town.

But to argue against that, there are other education institutes that are even farther. In fact, I can name two.

Cycling to class is pretty cool. A healthy lifestyle, anyone?

But the main reason is, I don't want to be accused of being spoiled. The previous generation survived walking to class, so for me, who cycles, one can already say that it's a luxury.
It's not like the case of cell phones, mind you.

A lecturer did comment that we had it easy, and we became lax as the result. I have to agree, despite the sharp stab in my conscience.

Money is another. Studying uses a lot of money, and I'm not even halfway there. Asking for a car now? God...

...I sense that there'll be a continuation to this. Someday, somehow.


Current Music: Hanafubuki - ACID

With all the downloading that I've been doing...I can't believe I only had around 3 hours of sleep the night before! Of course, total this with my lack of sleep during the exam period...and soon I might look like a zombie. Or L. Whichever.
Speaking of zombie...Maybe I should resume downloading Zombie Loan? Even if the main character is pretty annoying?
Btw, so far, the most annoying main female character to me is still Honda Tohru (a frigging Mary Sue I tell you!), Daidouji Mayura (because her head's empty) in second place, followed by Haruno Sakura (simple because she's still into Sasuke...See, usually I only get irked when she's associated in any manner to the Uchiha) and then... Amano Misa (...ugh. She's like barnacles on a Raito-ship)...
Suffice to say, the list is pretty long. Somewhere, it also includes Fujioka Haruhi (too unrealistic), Meyrin Hawke (...unremarkable, especially when one puts Cagalli in juxtaposition), and that main female lead in Saiunkoku Monogatari. A pity, since I liked her at the start...but when she starts being the centre of romantic attention of a bit too many guys, that's when I draw the line.

Yes, I am aware that this entry is pointless.

To make it less so, let me just introduce the Pocket PC I got from my father. His name is Houraiji Tatsuma-kun!
Smirk.

Current Music: Chain - Back-On

mixed

In his own way, my father is a funny guy.

He went to Beijing a few weeks back, and he was sweet enough to message me, asking if there was anything in particular that I'd like him to get. Of course, I didn't say what I wanted in particular - my mind was too caught up with reading (whether it was studying or one of the novels that I recently bought, I cannot recall...) that my insatiable materialistic wants was brushed off aside.

End of scene one. Start scene two.

Today he was saying something about having bought an iPod. In Beijing.

I remarked that buying an iPod is rather a waste, since, unlike other mp3 or mp4 players, it is incapable of recording or playing the radio.

Moving on to scene three.

I found one on my shelf.

Scene three-point-five: I didn't know how to react.

My deduction skill took over. This had to be a fake. I mean, no offense or anything, but China is somewhat known for unoriginal things. Especially since he did mention back in the shop (where scene two took place) that he bought it for a cheap price. Said price also happened to be at least one-fifth of the cheapest iPod anyone can find on the face of the Earth.

Still, it was awfully sweet of him to buy it. My reasoning stated that he'd probably saw the Apple Inc. logo and automatically thought that my sister and I (yup, he bought two...) would love it to death. Yeah, we do have this predilection for Apple, but still...

...It's funny. Really.

If anything, it shows that he supports our Apple hemi-mania. Or, the other way of looking at it would be that he's OK with the idea of his daughters' helpless addiction to music...something he has, many times, deemed or condemned as worthless and distractful.

That being said, I still love my father (although I'd never say this outright). Even if he did make me wait for more than 20 minutes at the LRT station.


Current Music: Garnet Moon - Shimatani Hitomi

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

What Color Is Your Brain?

Aftermath

So we had our first mini test two weeks ago. It was a horrible, horrible one hour of my life.

Maybe I didn't study enough. Maybe I studied too much (in one way exhausting myself before the real deal). Maybe I took it for granted (I mean, hey, our ninth mini test. One is bound to get desensitized to the horror of mini tests sooner or later...).

The lecturers are now questioning us: Was the paper _that_ difficult?

One lecturer even expressed that he was upset with us within five minutes of entering the lecture hall.

This goes to show that the number of failed candidates must be, in one word, overwhelming. History repeats itself (I heard that the same thing happened to the previous batch, ie our immediate seniors). I guess they did a second round of markings, etc etc to verify the the meagre assumption that something must be wrong.

Obviously it points directly to us. Or the paper, if you happen to be one stubborn student who refuses to admit his/her mistake.

The paper was tough. Either that, or I really, really was not myself. I mean, that one hour was awfully fast - I barely had enough time to think things over.

I studied, and I'm sure others did to (albeit with various enthusiasm and efficacy) but the paper was a shock to us. Plenty of clinical questions (which are actually quite okay once you're given ample time to reflect) and most questions fell in the gray area.

As I like to say, the world is neither black nor white. It's gray.

But mini tests only recognise three answers: True, False, or Blank (otherwise dubbed as "I don't know or not sure and am too cowardly to even hazard a guess lest it deducts a true answer - that is, assuming that I have one in the first place - so I'll just leave the question unanswered and my question paper white").

In mini tests, it's not just about answering the paper. It's about calculating risks (if you're a risk taker, or simply, if you've no choice at all for the reason that any answers that you are confident with may not be enough to earn you a "Pass" status). It's also about budgeting. It's also about time-planning.

Sadly, I failed in all aspects.

Honestly, I enjoyed this block. Physio, haemato - and heck, maybe a lil bit of anatomy... - were all enjoyable (but still, tiring! They should do something about the distance between college and lecture halls). The clinical elements were rewarding; they give you a sense of 'satiety', making you realise that you are actually learning for something more, something higher than mere mini tests or end block exams or maybe even first professional exam. This block is a nice change from the previous one, in which we were bombarded with anatomy (LOTS of anatomy...), epidemiology, public health, biostats, etc.

So I wasn't too depressed when I performed moderately (read: miserably, by my standards) in Y1B4.

Back to the current dilemma.

One can hardly imagine how tremendous this failure could be. I mean, the way lecturers were lamenting, it must mean something that is on a grand scale that even if all of us were to then get credited with distinctions at the end of the block, we would not be able to compensate for this dark episode in our life as medical students?

Some say the results would be out tomorrow. I don't feel like checking. Ignorance is bliss, is it not?

But I am ready to kick aside my record of "Zero-fails in Mini Tests"...if it promises a brighter future ahead.

But we're supposed to work to make our future brighter.

At the rate I'm going right now, I can't even see where I'm heading to. So far I could only remember exams, lectures, tests, and more lectures. It doesn't feel like I could apply what I've learnt thus far to make it as a career once I graduate.

Who to blame? I'm sure I'm not the only one deserving a wallop for this.

This week feels long. Classes are full. I want to go home so badly.

I need fresher air to clear my mind and my head.

And some more Japanese songs to boost up. For now, I'll just go and grab something that could remotely constitute as dinner.

Fansubbers vs Pro (?) Subtitlers

And such, ladies and gentlemen, is people.
The local tv network started airing Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu (which, henceforth, shall be abbreviated to SHnY for one very simple reason - I'm too lazy to type...) tonight, in the non-chronological order. I pity those who might find it hard to grasp, but saa...that's life for you anyhow.
Although the tv people retained the series in its original language (yay, no dubbers for this one! I'm getting bored figuring out who's who...it's no fun, unlike in the case of Japanese seiyuu...), the subtitles still present a big problem.
Fansubs are, without a doubt, more dedicated in the cause compared to the people who work as 'subtitlers' by a long shot, hands down. The former beat the latter in three categories:
1) Timing: Yup. Higher accuracy. You know how sometimes the dialogue overlap? Fansubs have enough common sense and generosity to include both (or more!). Simply superb (what else can I say?).
2) Detail: Sometimes a series introduces certain terms integral to the plot, and to make the viewer more acquainted with the world in the series. We don't see that plus-point with our local subtitles. Amazingly meticulous (and generous, too).
3) Creativity: Nice fonts and colours (which is sometimes used to distinguish the speakers, particularly when there's dialogue overlap). Aesthetics count.
What's interesting about fansubbers being superior to subbers...is that the former don't really get paid (or do they?). They know about the series in and out (or, at least, almost), and they utilise their knowledge and sacrifice their time so that other fans can benefit from their hard work.
Without money coming in.
But the pro-subs (...I'm starting to think the term is inaaccurate...) are paid. They get to put their names at the end of the series.
Still, fansubbers are better.
Which goes to show that passion and interest do play a humongous part in determining the outcome, and not just money.
Saa, quoting one of our respected lecturers in my Uni..."Remember to have fun!"

Current Music: Mosaic Kakera - SunSet Swish

P/s: The PV for this song is pretty good. Not top notch, but nice. How the vocalist walks on while the buildings and other stuff organise into their forms in the background...Tho personally I must admit I was surprised to see how the vocalist looks like. His voice gave me the wrong idea on how he could have looked like...
Anyhow, it's the 2nd ED of Code Geass (which, although I can safely say I've all of the episodes so far, I've yet to _really_ immerse myself in the story), and perhaps, in my opinion, the best song for the series, collectively.

borderline

For at least a week, my mind was off the current problem troubling me in this period of time. I mean, being at home, away from _the_ place and _the_ ambience, entwined in WWW, downloading like there's no tomorrow, having my own bed, having Shuuhei-kun, no lectures...some would say it's a medical student's heaven.
But with the faintest flicker of remembrance of _the_ problem, all the joy started melting away.
I get palpitations. Like, something is telling me that the future doesn't bode well for me.
It's not the type of problem that would just go away when one ignores it. Alas, even if it ain't that bad, I doubt I could pull through.
It won't do if I'm the only one who's seeking to find the way to solve this. Or, worse, if I'm the one who initiated it but...everything crumbles down, and back to how they were before.
It's a reflection of my inner insecurities.
That's why I prefer getting depressed most of the time. Even with any sudden jolt of change that, in turn, provokes some emotional change, the surge of feelings won't be too...overwhelming to handle.
I criticise myself too hard. That's all that I'm able to do. Somebody has to keep me in check with reality. Somebody has to motivate me when I'm more down than usual.
Because nobody else would take up that responsibility, I've to fend for myself. Unfortunately, the negative force works in a form of positive reinforcement - no matter how despicable the means, because the end result is what I seek for from the start, the 'means' is brought forward to be re-employed in the next scene.
...I can't take this.
Likewise, the most drastic solution...is bad news.
What saddens me more is that I'd never thought it would be like this ages ago.
What set me ill at ease is that I blinded myself with fantasies...
I'm disgusted with my own pathetic thinking and state.
I don't know what to do anymore.
It feels like my heart is getting heavier...

Current Music: eX Dream - Myuji

...ah.

It is with open arms that I welcome Shuuhei-kun to join me in my never-ending quest to...search and fulfil my many meanings of life!
Shuuhei-kun has come in to replace Mika-chan, who is, as yet, still out of work due to her regrettable circumstances. It'll be some time until I muster enough courage to plug Mika-chan into Chidori (a laptop at home) to see if there is no positive development in her condition. A price of Rm58 for the 2Gb-sized Shuuhei-kun...saa, not bad, not bad indeed...
Of course, if it has a purple coat I'd be jumping with glee but...saa, it'll be awfully OOC (out of character) for me...
Kudos to my uncle for putting up with my choosiness. I wasn't there with him when he looked for a new pendrive for me, so he had to call me up at least 3, 4 times to ask my opinion, giving me descriptions and stuff...Sorry if the phone bill escalates to the heavens this time...
My downloading spree of now includes...
1. Code GEASS: Hangyaku no Lelouch - Fourteen episodes done (in only four days!), nine to go...
2. Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu - Okay...having read reviews and stuff, I'd say this one should be the answer to my requirements of humour! We'll see how it fares...
3. Spiral the manga
Those are the cream of my spree for now. I'm really still wondering if I should complete my collection of Matantei Loki Ragnarok...The ending is...unbearable IMO.
Pink haired girls annoy me.
Has anyone noticed that Euphemia from Code GEASS has the exact colour theme of Lacus Clyne of SEED? Pink hair, purple eyes...and I swear, they're the same down to the exact same shades of colour! Is that why people are comparing Suzaku to Kira...

Current Music: Vio Pipe - Butterfingers

p/s: This song was used in our Geriatrics seminar...Don't know why I bothered. Maybe it's the bagpipe-like sounds? It reminds me of Oasis...
Worse aspect of the song? Not the song per se, but the band (?)...Yup, it's a local band. I'm allowing my eardrums and my hearing organs access to local stuff... *shudder*
...Oh, the horror!

p/p/s: Meaningless entry, ka? I just thought I should introduce Shuuhei-kun...God, I love that name. *smirk*

Slow Mo

I'm starting to think there's something wrong with this Internet connection.
The claim that the speed is 100 Mbps is difficult to believe, especially if the downloading speed is below average. I mean, it takes 3++ hours to download a file that's around 80Mb. Impossible! That's the time taken when we use the wireless, which only boasts a speed of 54Mbps.
What's worse? The download terminates after I'm only halfway done!
This is unacceptable. If this doesn't get resolves soon, I'll be behind schedule! I need to finish the downloads before time runs out!
*tugs hair*
*incoherent grunts*
*glares at computers*

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds. You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life. Also nostalgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

Your Worry Factor is 69%

The amount you worry is definitely borderline unhealthy. Even when things are going well, you find yourself fixating on the negatives. Try to remember the times you've been able to let your worries go. If you can do that again, you'll be much happier!

Do You Worry Too Much?

Uchi ni

Whoo, I'm back home!
So, as expected, I'm basically doing Anime Studies. Y'know, one is never thankful with what one already has, and then seeks what he has yet to procure. Same thing here.
And, barely one day, I can feel that most of my brain cells have gone into suspended animation. I should sue the local drama/film crews for that.
Butchers of art should be arrested, sealed tight in an air-tight container locked at least three times over, then anchored so that they'll drown in the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean!
[Rambling] Saw an old, black-and-white movie called A Hard Day's Night starring the Beatles on the bus ride home. Made me think how much the entertainment industry has...changed. And fear the horror that comes in the form of fangirls! [/Rambling].
Did I mention that women should not wear too much make up? (This rhetoric sprung from our local actresses who think that their faces are canvases and that they own the entire stock of cosmetics in the country) I mean, dude, we ain't doing some Kabuki or some opera, y'know? And the local actors and actresses are downright gratingly annoying. It's like there's nothing new, nothing fascinating, nothing that could pull me towards the idiot box and gawk at the screen like an idiot also...
Automatically I'm reminded of how a friend said something about how "being an idiot can be fun", to which (as far as I could remember anyways) I responded that it would depend on the kind of person one is in the first place.
Oh, yeah, local actresses are just too annoying, they defy the scope of the word itself...
Wow, I'm on a roll tonight.

Current Music: A Hard Day's Night - The Beatles

P/s: Speaking of the Beatles, in a parasitology lecture in which Prof. Pakeer was teaching entomology...He deliberately pulled our legs in the name of good ol' sport. He asked us to jot down four names when it was under the topic of beetles...and then a very smart classmate figured out that they were actually names of the Beatles...Latinised, or something like that. Pity I erased the names, otherwise I would have reproduced them right here...and laugh at my lack of observational skills all over again...

Falling into Temptations

Remember what I said about supposedly trying to stay for one week plus-plus to revise? Yeah. Well, as my self-control is failing, I've to succumb to the immense desire of going home tomorrow. Yesh, less than 24 hours from now.
Oh, the joy it brings!
Ah, the guilt that has fallen upon my shoulders!
...and the headache that comes with it.
I've always known that my discipline is nothing to be proud of. I'm too weak to accomplish a simple thing like going against the luxury that is home.
But! Let it not be forgotten that I had, in fact, cleaned my room as I said I would.
So perhaps all is not lost.
Note to self: Indulge in anime at home.

Title-less. Again.

So my exams ended two days ago. Nothing much to comment, except that it was full of surprises - Dude, I thought there would be at least 90% anatomy questions but no... - and, yeah, depression on my part.

Personally, there would be more sadness had my conjuncture been correct (Anatomy hates me, I tell you! It's out to get me! Call the cops!), since I barely managed to squeeze some credible answer once I was confronted with the evil anatomy questions.

Anyhow.

Planning to spend one week (plus-plus?) here before going off home for the break. I mean, it goes without saying that I'm productive without the Wifi connection at home (here, I cycled all the way to the lecture building just to get this darn free Internet access), and it's actually rather fun scrolling through old lectures (provided you can get pass the dreadful Oh-God-why-can't-I-remember-a-thing-about-this-It-has-been-a-mere-less-than
-one-year-OMG-my-memory-is-failing-me-does-that-automatically-make-me-at-risk-of
-getting-Alzheimer's phase...or, the less severe Why-does-nothing-ever-makes-sense-What-on-Earth-was-I-doing-in-class-back-then-
and-how-on-Earth-did-I-manage-to-pass-the-exam? (Of course, for that final question, the most elementary explanation would be: 'Coz they didn't ask you that in the exam. Duh!).

Yes, I am well aware that I am acting OTT but hey, give me some room to let out some of my OCC-ness.

Completed around 80% of the very vigorous spring cleaning on my room, and God! I was surprised to see so much junk lying around. Think of all the poor trees that sacrificed their lives just to become paper, and how did I waste paper? By scribbling incoherent stuff and drawing random caricatures...

One needs to allow one's 'creativity streak' to roam around freely once in awhile, but surely not at the expense of tainting (or, in the case of trees, balding) Mother Nature.

So how do I sum up Y1B4? Loads of emotional roller coaster rides, a little fun here and there (Remember the geriatric seminar? Yup, we pulled it off, thankfully! Cheers, people!), formaline stenches (...cadavers, enough said), etc.

And I'm still me.

Now, the ideal concept of getting through life is to, at the end of the day, emerge as a better person. Have I achieved that? Nope. I still think I'm the old me, with nothing much to be proud of in terms of positive change e.g. perspective in life and all that philosophical stuff (does that mean I'm actually in the wrong course in pursuing a profession? I know at least one person who would say I would be better off as a politician...).

But, maybe, just maybe, at my tender age of 20+, it's still to early to prospect how my life will take its course, say, fifteen years from now (although it's no secret that I hope it'd be somewhere in a certain another Asian country...although maybe Europe won't be too bad, assuming I have some degree of qualifications, credentials and capabilities to secure my spot in either place) since life's surprises catch you at the most unpredictable times.

...End of thoughts of the future. Start present.

Mika-chan...is ailing. I think she's really approaching her time. Mac can't detect her (be it Avicenna or this particular eMac), and for some strange reason, Windows states her properties as 100% used despite the fact that she has zero files stored in her! I got someone to format her a few weeks back, and this is how she turns out?

Somehow, I'm too embarrassed to show up at the IT department, asking them to check up on Mika-chan. Again. They'll label me as the-kid-who's-too-paranoid-over-her-thumbdrive.

Anyhow. I'd best get back to my room. It's nearly afternoon, and I'm still wondering if I should get lunch, just get an afternoon nap, or just...study. Ha ha.

Of mosquitoes and music

Back home, I'm lazing off (is there such a verb?). Let's just face it: This week has not been productive in the least, with much doodling and just....sitting around. If it happens that I'm at home, I'm just sitting around downloading random stuff off the net.

Not that I haven't been exercising at all. I have been on a killing rampage lately (mosquitoes shall DIE!!!!). I swear, it's as if the mosquitoes are lined up, that as soon as one of them (the one in the battlefield) happened to be struck K.O., the next one in the queue would immediately set off to take its dead comrade's place.

There, I just killed a third one in less than two minutes. If I keep this up, I might get to be in the Guinness Book of Records for 'Killing the highest number of mosquitoes in the shortest time'.

On a happier note...I've rekindled my fan-girl adoration for Nagase Tomoya. I mean, I was wondering why people say that Tokio's Sorafune (Airship) is such an amazing song, so my inquisitive nature begins its search for the one true answer. The PV is, simply put...simple. No fancy dancing, just the band in the rain, Nagase singing so heartily, the other four playing their respective musical instrument, with occasional screenshots of a city in the night (Tokyo, I presume?). But the song! It isn't your normal sappy song. Really, go and find out for yourself!

So what have I achieved when I reached home? I've searched high and low for my geriatric seminar (with disappointing results...), downloaded Shippuuden episodes 6 to 12, Ouran episode 26 (I still don't get how people can rate it so highly), more j-music, downloaded Naohito Fujiki's HEY! FRIENDS PV (and found Misa! Yuck...), resuscitated Clie-chan, read a couple of uber sweet stories, getting over the fact that I'm not too stressed over my crummy test (I still don't know my marks tho...), figured out how to download stuff off Youtube (I love my Avicenna even more now!), and...yeah, loads of other useless stuff.

To top the list, I'm still procrastinating! Haven't really ventured deep into whatever it is that I found on geriatrics and for Solicitude Unit.

Tsk tsk. Shame on me...

So! I need to find J-dramas starring Nagase; namely, Tiger and Dragon as well as My Boss, My Friend (or something like that...).


Current Music: Nagareboshi ~Shooting Star~ - Home Made Kazoku

Sunken

It has to be a curse. It could be nothing else.

As always, I'm stuck having to debate. Last time, it was not too bad - just debate in the matrix, so I could afford some goofing around while I was at it.

This time, it ain't like that at all.

The debate is this Saturday, but we're leaving the campus on Thursday. That means, I'll be missing class on Friday. Not exactly a happy thought, considering that the bulk of said Friday consists of anatomy lectures. Three anatomy lectures on upper limbs.

I'm no happy debater, but I suppose everybody knows that.

Plus, I'm debating against IMU (gasp!) in front of knowledgeable people rather than your average Tom, Dick and Harry...with competent debaters my Uni has to offer.

Maybe it's that evil called inferiority complex. Or maybe it's simply laziness.

After not debating for months, it's only too easy to relapse into ignorance mode. Plus, my brain is too lazy to pick up any sort of an intellectual fight.

Gah. Sure, one could say it's flattery, to be handpicked by the kuliyyah to debate in the name of the Uni (never mind that I have no patriotism whatsoever to this place...), but on the other hand, it's akin to being used.

I can't complain directly to the people involved because it's not my nature to really, really complain. I whine in my own backyard.

So what have I done so far? I've been spending hours online, browsed through journals, and pondered hard (as far as my capabilities would allow me to, anyway...).

End result? I still don't have the structure, nor the points (concrete ones).

I would say I'm doomed, but if we were in the proposition, I'd have more trouble.

So, yeah, I should be thankful to God. In one way.

And, that's it for now. Am in no mood to ramble or complain about my neverending internal turmoil. Darn, I should get some sort of professional therapy if I really want to escape from this torture I'm putting myself in.

P/s: Downloading Yui's Rolling Star PV! 30 minutes or so to go...

Gulp

I...feel like an idiot. Not the kind of feel good feeling. Never is, never will be.
Why the heck am I unable to spend a wee more time to _think_ before really jumping in to do or say something? It's like a kamikaze streak, minus the pride and purpose of doing it.
Tsk tsk.
Also, my break's over. In a way it's a good thing - all this idleness allows my uber-negative self to take control of my life. Regretting the past is _not_ something I enjoy doing, despite my doing it anyway.
...Pitiful, just pitiful.

Itoushi Kimi E

Dear brain of mine,

I apologise for causing thee great distress lately - well, greater dose than usual. A couple of brain cells might be in coma right now, and others...well, hopefully they'll get resuscitated in time.
I've subjected thee to immense torture.
I can't promise that I won't do it again. I know I'll be repeating it in the near future.
Not from just the stress...I know I'm an idiot for watching crappy tv shows.
That's why I was hoping House and Bleach marathons would put thee to right.
Now I think you guys are down with one monster I've yet to find a way to defeat: Laziness.

Note to self: ...exactly, what on Earth are you doing?

Title-less

...which means that this entry is going to be, in one word, random.

Since my break started, I've been doing nothing but going on another downloading spree (last time, it was Gackt - this time, it's scanlations...including doujinshis).

Reading really overwhelming doujinshis, in addition to watching Naruto - from the final 20 episodes of the first season to the most recent five episodes of the new season Shippuuden, thanks to my classmate - and to wrap up Ouran Kouko Host Club plus reading a new manga called 07 Ghost...I'd say they're more than enough to keep me in hyper-otaku mode for days, if not weeks.

Oh, did I mention that I'm waiting for Youtube to finish loading an episode of Death Note the anime, just so I'd be able to listen how Yamaguchi Kappei and Miyano Mamoru perform?

Not to compare them to Matsuyama Ken'ichi and Fujihara Tatsuya (of the movie of the same name), definitely, since real-life movie =/= anime.

Oh, I suppose I should add that I've just finished Death Note: The Last Name (i.e. the second installment of the 'rea-life' movie). The subbing was atrociously appalling, I could only try to guess what they were saying (knowledge of the storyline helped a bit, since the movie adopted a slightly different approach). And, for the love of God, you _don't_ translate people's names! It's enough to make me grind my teeth in absolute dismay - and astonishment - as to _HOW_ people could lack simple common sense.

Argh, having Ryuuzaki being referred to as dragon (...you've got to be kidding me...) and Raito as Moon (how feminine is that, being contrasted to Ryuuzaki's one...dragons are totally more masculine than the moon~!) ...made my hands itch, eager to strangle the necks of the so-called translators.

Also, I've been hanging around Youtube rather often lately...I can't belive I'm losing sleep over this, yet I don't feel half as sleepy as my campus days.

Aah, the beautiful, mysterious affect a simple thing such as a break can do to you...
Looking forward to more 07 Ghost and Shippuuden!

But first I need to finish the third arc of Bleach...

And I want plushies! I think my bed is finally ready to shelter more...occupants, in addition to my notes and books.

Not forgetting to stock up on my anime list!

Yamaguchi Kappei is <3!

Pass time

Currently on CNY break, which is only for four days! Too short, especially after what I had to go through!
Yep, that means I'm back home. With the newly installed air-cond in my room (not that it's on, anyway...). Has this family gone on a spending craze or something while I was gone?
On a dl spree, with eyes on Luna Sea, Gackt (I'm looking for Asrun Dream! Why is it so difficult?), maybe a few of H&M Color...
I need anime!

Current Music: >Enrai ~Tooku ni aru akari~ - HIGH and MIGHTY Color

Hon

So my dad gave me a book called Don't Be Sad, which is the English translation of (the hit?) Laa Tahzan.

I've so far read up to page 49, and as I had assumed, the book failed to affect me much.

I'd be lying if I were to say that it has zero effect on me. There is a little difference, but it's not enough to boost me up from sub-sea level of depression.
I'd be frank; So far whatever I've been reading, around 85% of them is precisely what I've been telling myself all along. It's no longer a question of knowing, but being.

Things about God being the Ultimate Power. Check.

On how things could be a lot worse. Check.

Things about His Plannings being the best one for an individual. Check.

Things about making the most out of the present, and forgetting the past. Check.

Things about people are people. Check.

Not being like others, but be yourself. Check.

Differences among people, and that there won't be a time when everyone will agree with you. Check.

In other words, check, check, check, and more check.

But I do like the way the author inserted Quranic verses here and there appropriately.

His argument about the future being an abstract entity, though, is something that I tend to disagree with.

It's true that the future can't be reached until we come to it, whereby it will by then become the present, and the current present turns into the past. I think about the future a lot, because it provides direction. It gives a glimpse as to what you want to achieve, and and idea as to how you're to utilise the present to shape the future that you want.

...My argument is weak, but it's still the principle that I've been holding on to for the past...ten years (Before that, I was too dumb to realise the harsh realities the world has to offer).

Will I finish the book eventually? Perhaps, but I doubt it'd be any time soon - I've other things to read and memorise. I do hope no one would ask about my progress, because I won't even dare call it a progress, as far as my reading is concerned.

Will I actually change my mind about the book? I don't know, and I don't care.

Don't get me wrong - it's a good book. People can and do benefit from it.

It's just not good enough to revolutionalise my life.

People tend to exaggerate, yes. It depends on what is it that you're exaggerating.


Current Music: death wish - Gackt

Even when

Even when I had put everything into those tears, things will never change.
Even when I had discarded all hope, they keep on coming back.
Even when I assured myself that everything is all right, I know it was a lie.
Even when they say 'every cloud has a silver lining', the gloom and storm obliterate all.
Even when I want to break free, something pulls me back.
Even when I seek happiness, guilt always snakes back into my conscience.
Even when God promised His Love and Justice, I still can't accept here and now.
Even when He has proved to me many times before, I can't seem to trust and leave everything to Him easily.

Current Music: Falco - Shimatani Hitomi

Ahou

I hate feeling like a moron, whether it's really my fault or it's someone else's doing. Maybe it's because of my pride thingy, but really, I don't think anyone likes the notion either.

Humour as a mature ego defense mechanism? Alas, I have not reached that level in these 20 years. My humour is, if I may say it as such, misplaced.

God, I feel like an idiot. I sure hope I'm not one for real.

The story is like this: I rushed home last minute, thinking that I've a cavity, whereas the dentist said that it's not. If anything, it's "in good shape".

I was struck. If I didn't keep my tongue in control, I would've blurted a "...what?".
Of course, doing that would make me look dumber. That is not good.

So maybe all the microbiology and parasitology classes are making me more paranoid than ever.

Not that I wish he was wrong - I love my teeth (and no, I'm not sharing my teeth with those bacteria, normal flora or not! So there, hah!) and I want them to stay normal and healthy. But the thought that my instinct has failed my - miserably - is just too unbearable and appalling.

Have I lost my so-called sixth sense? Or was it simply taking a holiday, leaving an incompetent replacement while it was away?

So why does my tooth still feel odd? Sharp margins, as if a fragment has chipped off from it?

...One explanation would be that I had, in my utter carelessness, exerted a little too much force in brushing, that a fragment just...could not take it anymore. If that were the case, it shows that I need more calcium.

Here's a random thought: Cut down on the chocolate, take more milk.

And about the I-feel-like-an-idiot-issue...the only way to resolve that one is by educating myself.

...

Ha ha.

...

Sigh.

Aye

New year, but it seems that with each passing December 31, I'd usually be doing the same thing at the tick of midnight: On my bed (with or without a computer on), listening to a Japanese song, thinking how the past has left us in the lurch, and the uncertainties the future has to offer.

Fireworks fill the first midnight sky of 2007, but here I am, not even glancing out of my own bedroom window, and thinking how they disrupt the song I'm listening to.

Currently downloading Gundam SEED episode 24. Don't ask why I even bothered to, knowing that a Realplayer file is _not_ something my Avicenna recognises much less plays.
Seven minutes to completion, then I'll begin with episode 39.
Then perhaps, just for the whim of it...SEED Destiny episode 14.

I am guilty of a downloading spree, with the unlimited Internet access (something lacking back in that backwater lil place...) and _tons_ of sites to check out, and likewise, _tons_ of things to download.

I just love Avicenna to bits...

Anyhow, so I got a new phone. A Sony Ericsson. I've nothing against Sony. I remember dreaming of owning one once upon a time - like I said before, advertisements have powerful influence - before I got a phone.

But yeah, Nokia's still cool in a different way. But it's just too bloody expensive for anyone's good.

Am I guilty for over-spending? Not exactly. It's a necessity - if not today, it would be someday.

So.

New block's starting in two days' time. Not exactly ecstatic (I demand longer breaks, damnit!), since I enjoyed the previous one a whole lot, and am kinda sad that it's gone.

Not that I want to repeat the experience, mind you. Once is enough. My time is limited.

Oh, the download's over. Time to move to the next one...

...if it turns out that whatever I'm downloading is either subtitle-less or fan-subbed, I'd be very, VERY disappointed.

Happy New Year, y'all. May the future bring good news to us all.

Current Music: Itsuka no Merry Christmas - B'z (I know, I know. Listening to a Christmas when it has been over for days, plus the fact that I'm not even Christian! ...My taste is quirky.)