Intermission #47

1. It's like everything is telling me to leave this damned hospital.

Never mind that I might not be adequately equipped in terms of knowledge, skills or clinical judgment. Never mind that I'm leaving friends behind. Never mind that I'm stepping into unfamiliar grounds.

I just feel in my heart - with great conviction! - that this is not a place for me. I can't, for the life of me, see myself developing properly if I remain in this backwater place.

It's like all departments are hostile towards each other. There is no respect, no trust.

Let's not even get me started on how ancient the infrastructure, the facilities are.

And the mindset. Oh, God, let's not even go there!

Dear God, save me, for I am powerless to save myself.

2. Now that the elections are over, can we just move on?

So BN retains the government seat. Did they really cheat? Only God Knows. But they can't afford to be complacent anymore.

All I know is, I'm sick of racial politics, regardless of which side incited it. I'm sick of opening my FB newsfeed and seeing hate and accusations, back to back.

Everybody needs "UBAH". And I mean it as change for the better, no matter what your political ideologies or worldview.

...I don't know what to believe in anymore. It's easier to give up than to constantly seek for the truth, in today's graying world, where authenticity is difficult to ascertain, despite the many sources of information available at our disposal. Such irony!

How do you seek the truth when there is slander all around, when people deal in lies, and people act more emotionally than rationally?

Is ignorance bliss? I'm starting to think so.

So please, let's just put all this conflict aside. Stop acting childish. Man up and stop being such a sore loser. Remember that the helm of governance is actually an amanah, and God will question you in the Afterlife.

...And for God's sake, clean up all the flags and banners. They're an eyesore already!

Current Music: Taking Over Me - Lawson

Smoky Grey

I have other obligations to see to, but this entry insists that I get down to it before I attend to other more pressing matters.

Things were relatively simple in the old days. We only had a problem of quantity - namely, the amount of information that we get. Now? It's not so much on the amount - unless some narrow-minded imbeciles decide that excessive-but-badly-misplaced censoring, restricted-and/or-fabricated-journalism *cough*mainstreammedia*cough*, and highly offensive blogs are the keys to successful rule and maintaining influence - but it's the quality that we should worry about.

Academically speaking, there're textbooks and journals and other literature. Some people frown upon simple search engines or online encyclopedia e.g. Wikipedia, eMedicine, and even Google (not Google Scholar, mind you). And that's just the serious issues.

Of course there are the unnecessary piece of information that we possibly could do without. The problem is to some, these information are their bread and butter, their daily requirement.

Now's not a problem of lack of information. Rather, it's the over-abundant and ambiguous information. If people in the past used to have to travel far and wide to seek for a teacher, now we're stuck having to confirm every bits and pieces of whatever data we have managed to procure so far before we can say anything.

One good thing about the Net is that everyone can contribute. The downside? Everyone can contribute whatever rubbish they have to say, if they feel like it.

And don't even get me started with the newspapers. I'm starting to think that the only worthwhile page in the paper would be the comics section.

I once advised a patient not to read the newspapers. Reason? She was hypertensive and I said (joked?) that reading tragic and gruesome news wouldn't exactly be safe for the heart. But yeah, we must know about other occurrences elsewhere - if only to realise that the world today is not as safe as we'd like to think.

Anyhow, the idea is this - the world, through my eyes, has never been more grey. I can't see the demarcation, and I only find out that I've transgressed the limits that the general public had dictated only after the act.

To some, reasons sound like excuses. Humility like stupidity, and over-confidence as an over-inflated ego.

We believe what we want to believe, most of the time. Blinded by prejudice won't really help improve things.

I want to believe that there is light at the end of this long, shadowy tunnel...but my torchlight's running out of battery and my limbs out of energy. The mind has started to take over, materialising evil trolls that appear to multiply in number.

I do wish I have a bazooka to shoot down all the stigma though. Only, I might end up blowing other things as well - like the foundation of the tunnel, which in the end would only bury me in too deep...

...where there will be no air, no light.

...No salvation.


Current Music: Show Me What I'm Looking for - Carolina Liars

Compilations #10

1. It's a general truth that not everyone will get a piece of the pie.

In this dog eat dog world, it's every man for himself, and every woman for herself.

Simply knowing this doesn't mean that the battle is half won. If anything, it's the ticket to anxiety, injustice and ruthlessness.

Welcome to the world of capitalism.

2. I'd like, even for one day, to read a newspaper that has none of the following:

i. Road traffic accidents
ii. People getting murdered, accidentally or no
iii. Political ruckus and/or fracas
iv. pr0n, Objectification of sex
v. People getting kidnapped/putting on strike/getting robbed
vi. What the Prime Minister's wife is up to

...Yeah. I suspect it'll be a mighty fine edition, although probably it'll be awfully thin...

3. "It is a bad plan that admits of no modification" ~ Publilius Syrus (~100 BC), Maxims

Never say never - be it in medicine or one's every day life. For example, never say "I must not buy more fiction books because they will not be asked in the exams" because...well, I found myself doing just that.


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Now playing: Chris Daughtry - Life After You
via FoxyTunes

Twisted Out of Context

1. ENT Viva went relatively well although my instincts failed in their attempt in anticipation. Had a safe drive back to own hometown. I am home. The Internet connection is restored. It rained (OH YES GOD THANK YOU!). Went shopping for a few things. Managed to catch up with a few things that I had neglected (although not the rest).
In summary: Bliss. Thank God.

2. I admit that I am rather behind in my general knowledge as to what on Earth has besieged the country as we speak. The papers I barely read - merely flipping through the headlines and choosing only those that would not enrage me or challenge my principles - and the Net...the webpages I go to have not been updated much.
...Excuses. Frankly, I'm just so tired of all the drama.
It's rare that my father would invite me to a discussion - more like an educational commentary, really - when it comes to certain TV shows. Then again, he usually would watch forums and stuff, while I'd rather retire to my own corner in the house and sink into my thoughts or surf the Net for my own brand of viewing pleasure. But such a rare occurrence actually materialised today, thanks to a forum that seemed to discuss about the government's policy of making 30% of every sector to comprise of the fairer sex.
I may be a feminist to some point, being part of the species, but I am still in doubt whether the government can actually pull this off.
It's not unusual if they suddenly withdrew the idea some time in the future after the damage has been done *cough*PTS*cough*PPSMI*cough*...
Whatever it is, I'm watching from afar...

3. I'm sorry, but I couldn't care less if anybody managed to get him/herself photographed with Najib. I'm no rabid fan of his, so how about trying something else instead?

4. There are some things that continue to plague our thoughts no matter how hard we push them out.
...Looks like I've to try harder. Nonetheless, knowing what to defeat is barely half the battle.

5. I'm going to miss ENT. Even more than Dermato...Oh my. I wonder what awaits in Opthalmo...

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Now playing: Savage Garden - Crash And Burn
via FoxyTunes

A Tempest in A Teapot

Quoting Dr. S, “I feel calm when I sacrifice”.

If there is one thing that I could conclude during these few days, it’s that some people, despite their pleasant exterior, are capable of being anything but. One Malay proverb of never to assume that still water has no crocodiles lurking within describes this nicely.

May I say that I have anticipated as much? Or is it just my tendency to presume the worst in anything I figured could go wrong? It’s like the calm before the storm – while everything appears to be tip-top superficially, unknown to some people – those who remain ignorant or willingly assume such position – there is a great battle raging on beneath it all.

I really don’t want to say it’s a racial thing, because the last thing I want is to be accused of racism – something that is a huge no-no in this country, where sensitive issues are abundant and peace is hanging by a worn-out thread, more or less like an egg on the tip of a horn.

(Except that in this country, I think there is more than one horn that is waiting to pierce through the already delicate eggshell, breaking it into pieces, and making a huge mess out of everything...)

Besides, I’d rather stay in this confounded university and study instead of being detained in the ISA, thankyouverymuch…

Back to the present issue. I may exaggerate, but this raging storm surrounding us may very well affect the future of several parties – our own, the department, our juniors, and the clinic. We medical students leave an impact wherever we go, and not necessarily in a good way *snicker*. I guess our position as being in the eye of the storm, where the calm may be ending anytime soon, is in fact seen (erroneously?) as the integral part of the problem. Being accused of staying in the room instead of helping out the nurses seem unfair, especially since we are obviously seen as going around and meddling asking the nurses and other medical assistants in the clinic several favours just to get patients to clerk and performing things required in the logbook.

Why must things go this way?

I don’t know. My groupmates don’t know. Only God Knows.

Are we seriously a bunch of troublemakers that cannot resist stirring up controversies wherever we go? Are we that inane that our mere presence reeks of unbearable foulness?

Prejudice can be hard to get rid of. I can’t cry foul over unjust generalized sentiments towards us, but honestly, while I do understand that their work is complicated enough that entertaining us medical students can be an unnecessary burden to them, allow me to say that the last thing I want is to hamper their work, because patients always come first.

So do we resort to what Dr. S had said – we sacrifice? That’s what life is about anyhow…sacrificing for the greater good.

Personally I see myself as a pacifist, but at times, I don’t want to go down without a fight, especially when I see injustice at work.

Do we take a stand, or run away from the source of the problem? What are the criteria to decide whether to fight or to take flight? If neither of the two is fulfilled, what else is our option?

…What am I saying? The only thing that could come before patients – that is, something other than divine intervention – is politics…and I mean that in every sense of the word.

Current Music: Storm – Gackt Camui

P/s: The title merely refers to great anger or excitement over a trivial matter. Although Dr. S would be using the glass versus the lake analogy…

Reversals and Regressions

I have not been updating lately because – in addition to the Internet connection being a real pain since five days ago - I have been somewhat at a loss for words.

The reason? I was - and still am - appalled with the state of things as they are right now.

Most may say that I am keen about politics. That I like politics. On the contrary, it's the complete opposite; I abhor the system, the over-the-top controversies and allegations, the politicians' stupid antics and the dumb decisions that they make.

Yes, I am referring to their unthinkable decision of reverting to the mother tongue for the teachings of Science and Mathematics. The main argument for the verdict is that the rural students were too far left behind in their achievements compared to their urban counterpart, attributed to the former's lack of proficiency in English.

I dare not deny that. But what irked me was that the government screwed up big time 6 years ago when they got over-excited about the idea, and when things did not turn out the way they had planned, they have the unmitigated gall of committing a graver mistake of going back - which brings us as a nation backwards. And they owe their guinea pigs an apology.

I vaguely remember that the issue of doing it in English 6 years ago stemmed at a time when there was another hot issue going on. I suspect that it was to diverge the attention of the people from the latter - although what it was exactly escapes me at the moment. Of course, of that I may be wrong, perhaps there was no rival issue, but the truth remains - the Malays get over-excited too easily, and that everything is politically motivated.

[Not too off-topic] I don't care about this 1Malaysia the PM is trying to pull. I'll just keep quiet about it and see if it ever produces a positive outcome. I guess every PM needs to have a 'project' that is their trademark; Tun Dr. M has his Vision 2020 (...) amongst other things in the span of 22 years he helmed the PM seat, Tun Pak Lah his Islam Hadhari (*grimaces*), and so Najib just followed suit (*gags*).[/Not too off-topic]

*Facepalm*

The fact that English is the main language in which knowledge is disseminated in cannot be refuted. As much as some people may hate to admit it, nobody can deny that the latest discoveries and advancements are mostly from the English-speaking (primarily or secondarily) Westerners. Sure, one may erupt into an angry tirade of "going back to the glory during the old Islamic civilisation", but please, I beg of thee - be realistic. The Malays can't proclaim our own language as the lingua franca of the present time - and as long as we are less worthy, falling out of the competition owing to our own delay in acquiring, implementing or developing whatever knowledge already known to man, who are we to insist for such privilege? Note that this point clearly cancels out the Japan-is-technology-savvy-but-they-still-speak-zero-English argument; If the Malays - or Malaysians as a whole - are capable of half the competitive edge the Japanese are dishing out, then we can start teaching the two subjects in Malay.

The crux of the problem, in addition to the Malays' tak apa attitude and knee-jerk reactions, which the government totally overlooked back then, was that the state of English was sub-par at best, and abysmal at worst. The Ministry of Education should have first assessed whether the nation was ready for the 180° of change, and if it wasn't, the students and teachers alike - in short, the learning environment - should have been carefully and ingeniously steered towards an English-savvy one. Without the evaluation, it's like forcing a crawling toddler to sprint.
And I'm not just talking about the courses the teachers had to attend, because there's more to changing an education system than courses. Was the English syllabus reviewed and revamped? Were the teachers convinced and capable of performing up to the task? Were the students open to the idea of embracing a foreign language - one deemed as coming from "those greedy, unjust conquerers of yore" - and making it part of their communications, part of their lives?

It was all done wrong. While the aim was clearly praiseworthy, the execution was anything but.

What's the implication of the recent reversal? Now the Malays will never see how important English is. They'll be misled with the notion that they'll be safe now that it's back in Malay, so why bother with English? In the meantime, while they are lulled into a false sense of security, the Chinese and Indians will continue striving in their English - because they generally speak more English than the Malays do. The result? The Malays will be left several decades behind, that nothing more can be done. That's when things get really ugly, when the so-called bumiputera, the natives are doomed on their own soils, in their own country.

All because of their stubborn ego, and refusal to change their ways despite been proven inadequate.

Personally, in regards to my own history as a student, I didn't have much of a problem - which might make my view on the matter as over-simplistic or biased, even. I was taught in Malay in both primary and secondary school years, then in English during matriculation, and even until now when I am a university student. The shift was not too troublesome because, coming from an urban background and a family that recognises the importance of English itself as well as a school that glorifies the language, Science and Maths were not too alien-sounding to me in English. Sure, we joked with the literal translations all the time, but in the end, we were taught of what we should know - in Malay. When the government announced they were switching the medium of teaching, at a time when our batch was left out of the change, I was jealous.

And when we entered matrics, everyone knew that to have poor command of English is equivalent to being handicapped. Regrets set in. What good is there when our brains are full of brilliant ideas and great knowledge, and yet when we open our mouths, our speech appears disjointed and meek, and we speak no more eloquently and intelligently than a three year old?

The government should have just retained PPSMI, and complement it with English-enhancing plans. It'll probably save the country from a big hole in their budget.

...Although, I question if the huge amount of money they planned to use to improve the English syllabus and methods of teaching - [EDIT]RM6 million, was it? RM4-6 billion, according to 'Izzah [/EDIT] - would be enough to bring a paradigm shift into the Malay thinking and attitudes.

Current Music: I Hate This Part Right Here - PCD

P/s: There’ll be a short continuation pertaining to this later on, most probably with the heading of “(Malaysian) Politicians Say the Darnest Things Ever”…an example of which almost makes Sarah Palin sound smarter. Almost.

P/p/s: I actually finished a comic strip for this, but because the connection is not being cooperative in any sense of the word, it will have to wait. Just keep an eye for any updates in my other blog, if you're interested. Hee.

Numbers + Life's Story = Age

Maybe this post is a bit too early. Usually the discussion pertaining to one's age only comes hounding when it's either your own birthday, noticing your first wrinkle (which sticks out like a sore thumb!), when asked about it, sudden affliction or exacerbation of it, or even while you're filling the 'Age' column in any forms, official or not. The above situations don't apply to those who are conscious about their age/looks/self 24-7 though...

Psychology and Psychiatry books would say that certain age ranges are defined by certain characteristics. My memory on the subject is cloudy, but basically, young adults (teenagers included) are more prone to get involved in riskier activities, adults strive to perform in their career, and the senior citizens...well, they think of the next stage.

I was thinking more along the lines of how the Internet can reveal quite a lot in terms of one's age. I remember when I was younger - 10 or 11, was it? - when I welcomed the Internet with as much enthusiasm as I would in answering the postman at my front gate: Indifferent (because I rarely get mails). At the time, I had a superb encyclopedia in my computer - I cringe because I can't recall its name now! To think I loved it so much - and I was sufficiently contend with it that I ignored the Internet like it's just another mousepad on my desktop. My parents asked me why I did not bother much with Netscape...and I foolishly answered that it was troublesome to memorise the webpage address (I was a kid!).

Eventually I grew to embrace it, little by little. And when the ever-abundant amount of data is just a click away and the discovery of mp3's take me out of my shadows, my love for the Net was cemented.

Computers are more than just the Internet. Printing is now as natural as writing on paper, and gone are the days of typewriters. Just like how phones have evolved - imagine using the turn-a-dial telephone which involves waiting as the wheels return to its initial position after you dragged it to register a number, when all it takes to call someone up now is just pressing on keys...a valuable way to save time, wouldn't you agree? Of course, there are faster ways...your list of contacts in your mobile phones allows you to just select the person's name and voila! Soon you're listening to the tone while the other party answers you. (Oh, wait...now they have _caller ringtones_ that play music to keep you entertained if the person you're calling up is a bit late in answering - or hesitantly decide whether or not to answer you, or totally ignore your call, deliberately or no...)

So, in relation to how age is related to how one interacts with computers, I came up with these rough guidelines:
Kids - Games (and only games). There is also quite a considerable percentage who might be the destructive powers upon computers...In this age group, rarely do they use the Net as their main tool in productive aims unless forced to.
Teens - Socialising is the (if not the only) keyword. Friendster, Facebook, MySpace, hi5, Twitter. Next in line come interests, stalking and school/college assignments. (Remember, plagiarism is bad!)
Adults - Socialising, work and interests, in any order. And, Heaven forbid, crime in terms of those who are criminal-minded!
Seniors - Keeping in touch with relatives and peers.

Case in point; My youngest brother is stuck doing his folio for school, but he handles Microsoft Word so poorly I had to fight an urge to slam my forehead on the desk. That's what happens when you use the computer for gaming 99.9% of the time. The same goes with my other brother, who spends so much time playing his MMORPG, that my anime/mp3/OST/medical journals/etc downloads slow to a pitiful crawl.

The Net basically connects. It's the node that links you to variable things - from your old schoolmates, your favourite singer, cooking recipes, to odd people who do and post odd things on Youtube. And the world is heavily populated with people...that you start having to show yourself more. As in, sell yourself. Make yourself stand out among the rest. This is compounded by the inherent human tendency to stress more on self. Intrinsic _histrionic_ tendencies. Or ego, whichever applies.

That's how all the networking sites - Friendster, FB, Twitter, I'm looking at you - draw people toward them like bees to honey.

God Knows how I managed to get coerced into FB. My initial aim was to just know where my secondary school friends are now and how they are doing...but as to be expected, my number of friends grew to include my university peers too. And people I didn't know existed in real life. And was I surprised to find our _lecturers_ there too. Of course, nothing, and I _do_ mean _nothing_, beat the shock I had when I learnt that my father has an account there as well, gulp!

Twitter is another Internet phenomenon that I can never, for the life of me, understand. I did sign up for it, especially since Yanna has one as well _and_ she did invite me, but my account lasted for at most 4 days when I had to admit that 140 words just don't cut it for me. I need space, unlimited space. I need at least one blog entry if I _ever_ want to express something properly. So when my father asked me to set up an account for him, I had a weird look on that he seemed to...well, wonder a bit, I suppose. He still wanted it, so in the end I did set it up for him. I suppose it's rational for him to have it - he needs his updates the same way I need mine with my own anime hobbies.

Today's life is all about the spotlight. Making yourself news for the rest. Impinging on their to-know lists. Updating them even if the knowledge changes nothing, or if they're simply not interested. Expressing yourself in ways I never imagined possible (Youtube is a zone that I dare not wander too far in for this reason...).

...What on Earth am I saying? This blog is a form of expression too...but at least it doesn't involve...weird, out-of-this-world stuff. I think(?).

Continuation is guaranteed, with a catchier title next time, hopefully.

Current Music: Marukaite Chikyuu (Japan version) - Takahashi Hiroki

P/s: Why I was suddenly thinking about age? Because tomorrow is my sister's birthday, and I left her present all the way back in campus. *Headdesk*

P/p/s: The so-called guidelines I stated above? Accuracy is 100% questionable.

P/p/p/s: ...Wait, make that 85% questionable.

Year 3: My Epilogue

Am home after 3 months of struggling mostly against lethargy and laziness in Surgery. I suppose I got fortunate - I mean, it seemed so, but really, who knows?

Looking back, Y3 isn't all bad. I mean, my posting-mates turn out to be awesome in their own way, and we did share good and bad times and scoldings from the lecturers together. God, I hope my posting-mates in Y4 will be _at least_ as awesome you guys!

Zooming in on my closest posting buddies: 'Izzah, Izatul & Nazhiyah. Thank you for everything. I value our weekly ritual of lunching out every Friday, in which I've always looked forward to our chats on heavy issues - from politics, global warming, the Malay dilemma, politics, Internet stuff, more politics, and...uh, the many expressions of gastric ulcers (from angry-looking to LOLWUT!? religious-looking gastric ulcers on OGDS?).

Why so much on politics? Because Malaysian political arena is always in a state of unrest - where there's always at least _one_ controversial issue or a series of accusations that heats up not just the Parliament, but the media and the tables at our local mamak stalls as well.

The last so-called meeting we held was in KP's Pizza Hut on Friday, June 12th. The minutes of the discussion basically revolved around the current problems that are the oh-too-liberal Sisters in Islam (SIS), exams, the aforementioned gastric ulcers (...really, now), more on politics (PAS and BN, I'm looking at you guys. Can't you make my newspaper-reading a calmer and more pleasant experience?), and how the services at the restaurant totally failed, and how we were thinking of _not_ paying for the service charges.



I'd like to pray that we'll be posted together again, if that's okay? Miyavi'll miss 'Izzah, and I'll miss our almost-daily mandatory(?) dialogue on politics and whatnots. Teehee.

Oh. The cheery mood of this entry overrides my present post-examination blues episode.
Now I'm off to do some catching up with my anime stuff-u.

Current Music: Crawl - Veltpunch

P/s: If you're wondering how the Pizza Hut episode ended - We left a message written at the back of a paper relaying our unhappiness with the services on our table, and we complained at the cashier to justify our unwillingness to pay for the service charges. Come on, now...we waited over 40 minutes for our pizzas, just because there was only one functioning oven (since last week!?), and nobody bothered to inform us that the orders will take some time? And walking away while someone is talking to you is a huge no-no, whoever and wherever you are... (Take that, rude waitress!)

P/p/s: To be continued in Part 2. Someday.

Intermission #2

Undeniably, one of the most obvious changes after the sixth Prime Minister came into power is that I seldom read the topics pertaining to the nation in the newspapers nowadays, be it The Star or Utusan. Personally I prefer the former, because it's in English *cough*andlessbiasedinperspective*cough*.

Anyway. For those who have not been up to date - i.e. less than yours truly have been - the present issue is still the teaching of science and mathematics in English and, now as an added bonus, the issue of making a pass in English compulsory to earn a pass in SPM as a whole.

But this entry is not to expound on why I would support or condemn the move, or why I am a proponent of the English language because I seriously need to settle my forsaken case write up before engaging in another futile rant which probably won't make an ounce of positive change in the country's future. Or my own, for that matter.

Out of sheer boredom, and equipped with a sense of dread and a prayer, I opened today's copy of Utusan - perhaps my second time of reading the newspaper this month alone, which probably isn't saying much. Naturally, I skipped the nonsensical political melee...but my eyes caught one particular heading. More accurately, it was the layout of the content that sparked my interest, because it had something _other_ than party A criticising/thrashing/damning party B. It had poetry.

I can appreciate some form of literature, but the general rule in my books is simple: "English>>>Malay". Don't start saying how unpatriotic I am to make this statement. It is simply my preference, just like how one prefers black to white, for example. So it's one of my basic human rights. Just like I can say how I suffered reading through Bukit Kepong and Konserto Terakhir in my late secondary school years...although frankly reading The Pearl was also a bore chore...

Ahem.

Here is a copy of the poem...and I'll pass commenting on how I feel about it, because my sentiments towards my own race has always been - and forever will be - ambivalent at best. That still doesn't cloud my judgment...that this poem still carries a great weight of truth.

MELAYU - Usman Awang

Melayu itu orang yang bijaksana
Nakalnya bersulam jenaka
Budi bahasanya tidak terkira
Kurang ajarnya tetap santun
Jika menipu pun masih bersopan
Bila mengampu bijak beralas tangan.

Melayu itu berani jika bersalah
Kecut takut kerana benar,
Janji simpan di perut
Selalu pecah di mulut,
Biar mati adat
Jangan mati anak.

Melayu di tanah Semenanjung luas maknanya:
Jawa itu Melayu, Bugis itu Melayu
Banjar juga disebut Melayu, Minangkabau
memang Melayu,
Keturunan Acheh adalah Melayu,
Jakun dan Sakai asli Melayu,
Arab dan Pakistani, semua Melayu
Mamak dan Malbari serap ke Melayu
Malah mua'alaf bertakrif Melayu
(Setelah disunat anunya itu)

Dalam sejarahnya
Melayu itu pengembara lautan
Melorongkan jalur sejarah zaman
Begitu luas daerah sempadan
Sayangnya kini segala kehilangan

Melayu itu kaya falsafahnya
Kias kata bidal pusaka
Akar budi bersulamkan daya
Gedung akal laut bicara

Malangnya Melayu itu kuat bersorak
Terlalu ghairah pesta temasya
Sedangkan kampung telah tergadai
Sawah sejalur tinggal sejengkal
tanah sebidang mudah terjual

Meski telah memiliki telaga
Tangan masih memegang tali
Sedang orang mencapai timba.
Berbuahlah pisang tiga kali
Melayu itu masih bermimpi

Walaupun sudah mengenal universiti
Masih berdagang di rumah sendiri.
Berkelahi cara Melayu
Menikam dengan pantun
Menyanggah dengan senyum
Marahnya dengan diam
Merendah bukan menyembah
Meninggi bukan melonjak.

Watak Melayu menolak permusuhan
Setia dan sabar tiada sempadan
Tapi jika marah tak nampak telinga
Musuh dicari ke lubang cacing
Tak dapat tanduk telinga dijinjing
Maruah dan agama dihina jangan
Hebat amuknya tak kenal lawan

Berdamai cara Melayu indah sekali
Silaturrahim hati yang murni
Maaf diungkap senantiasa bersahut
Tangan diulur sentiasa bersambut
Luka pun tidak lagi berparut

Baiknya hati Melayu itu tak terbandingkan
Selagi yang ada sanggup diberikan
Sehingga tercipta sebuah kiasan:
"Dagang lalu nasi ditanakkan
Suami pulang lapar tak makan
Kera di hutan disusu-susukan
Anak di pangkuan mati kebuluran"

Bagaimanakah Melayu abad dua puluh satu
Masihkan tunduk tersipu-sipu?
Jangan takut melanggar pantang
Jika pantang menghalang kemajuan;
Jangan segan menentang larangan
Jika yakin kepada kebenaran;
Jangan malu mengucapkan keyakinan
Jika percaya kepada keadilan.

Jadilah bangsa yang bijaksana
Memegang tali memegang timba
Memiliki ekonomi mencipta budaya
Menjadi tuan di negara Merdeka
Current Music: Don't Say Lazy - Hikasa Yoko

Lesson of the Day...With A Bit of History

...Never read numerous political articles in succession, despite the harmless air they seemed to have. The reason? I succumbed to a unilateral, throbbing headache around four hours later.

...Or, it could have been because I kept myself glued to the computer screen, watching anime (and enjoying it!) right after I was done with the magazine?

History serves another purpose other than teaching us what to avoid - Please don't remind me by saying that history is to instill a sense of patriotism, because it doesn't work on me even after all these years - and that is for us to poke fun at it, all in the name of good humour.

I'd love to quote a comment I found on Youtube about nationalisme, although I'm not sure if it's legal to quote it without permission (since I'm too lazy to ask, whee!); "Nationalism makes relative but not absolute gains". In other words, it's the power that pushes a nation forward, to succeed. As such, when there is a problem of "Self before the rest" in the name of one's country, there's no escaping the possibility of getting involved - or, rather, clashing - with another, especially when history is thrown in the mix. Because history is, essentially, something that has happened that thus, is beyond change. What can be done, instead, is to manipulate the interpretation of the entire story. It's a classic example of "There is only one history/truth, but many versions of it".

And because we won't be who, what and how we are today if it was not because of history, it's quite hard to blame history entirely for all it's worth. I don't know if you've noticed it before, but many major turning points in history involves tyrannical if not egoistical rulers, and plenty of bloodshed. We can rightfully say, "Oh, they lived in the age of ignorance! Like England's King Henry who couldn't bear a male successor, he wrongfully divorced his wife to marry another, and yet when the latter still gave him no son, he accused her of multiple adultery and had her beheaded! But we all know that the sex of the child is determined by whether or not Y chromosome is present, and that should be coming from the father!", but people back then did not know that. What was important to King Henry was that he needed a son. Likewise, Shi Huang Di of China did not care about the massive killings he had ordered just for him to expand his empire and for his Great Wall. Oh, and while we're at it, we must never forget about Hitler and his Holocaust, because now Israel is doing the same to Palestine. Justified terrorism, ka?

Shouldn't we be horrified that it's essentially the evil megalomaniacs who managed to change the course of the world?

So yes, history will continue to haunt us because as long as we allow the inherent selfishness within us to command ourselves, we're destined to repeat history. I suppose one may say it defines humans - that we fight for what we believe is right, and if it so happens that we think it's right if we strip away the right of others in the name of misplaced right of self, it's maddeningly unacceptable.

But amidst it all, there is often the wish to emerge as the "good guy" in every story. So, for argument's sake, a country that went on massive imperialisme, forcing every other country into submission would attempt to justify it. In history books, this is manifested as a clever series of wordplay, or by a simple case of "lies of omission".

Studying history with only the hard facts will be boring. Devoid of humanity? Perhaps. Difficult to remember? God, yes!

Let's not forget that we may be manipulated, in that our thoughts are orchestrated to follow a certain pattern. How we view the world is partly shaped by the media - namely, newspapers, television shows, history, and perhaps even by fictional works.

What do we do in this age of overflowing information? Well, for starters, we must not accept things unconditionally. Just because Politician A is criticising Politician B, it doesn't mean that Politician B is in the wrong. Remember that there is such a thing as the pot calling the kettle black.

Another thing is, that we must learn to question. Even question authority when time calls for it, and do it ethically. Perhaps the young standing up against the old may not be part of what they say "Eastern culture", but for the sake of a healthy debate for the greater good, I say "WHY NOT!?" There is no infallibility in human traits!

...I didn't expect this entry would be this long. I sense a comic strip coming along...if I feel like drawing one.

Oh, wait. Now I know why I had that god-awful headache. I've been thinking too much about things that won't be able to be changed in the near future.


Current Music: World is Mine - Hatsune Miku

P/s: Suddenly I am reminded of one of my favourite quotes, one by Peter Ustinov; "To arrive at the truth, the German adds, the Frenchman subtracts, and the Englishman changes the topic."

P/p/s: PASTAAAA~!!!!11

Not-too-short an Intermission

I'm not supposed to be surfing the Net for too long simply because it's presently revision week, and it's not like whatever I would look up on the Net would be asked in the exams due to their irrelevance and lack of importance in one's quest for a degree.
So I went to chedet, and the issue of teaching science and maths in english (PPSMI) caught my attention almost too easily that before I realised it, my curiosity had bypassed my awareness and had commanded my frail fingers to click on the link.
And from there, I read his views with much agreement.
And although I had warned those who would heed to avoid the comments section, I had browsed that section...and stumbled on to another link, bringing me to a humorous blog that managed to plaster this oh-too-goofy smile on my face.

The Link!

Hey, I never did consider myself much of a patriotic person, whether to my country or to my own language. One reason? It clouds one's judgment so.

Current Music: We Cry - The Script

More Freewriting

1. The irony of it all.

I remember the irrepressible longing to do other things when I was supposed to be studying during the study week (or, more accurately, any free time I had during which I was supposed to allocate to studying...). I remember the boredom that came from reading those academic texts, and the frustration at the fact that I never managed to make them stick in my head despite my countless efforts and encounters with those same lines.

So now, when I'm actually on break and have the option to actually entertain the inner otaku and the inner child in me...why am I not making good use it

Aye, we only appreciate things when they're gone.

2. Despite what others may say, I don't think I'm capable, academic-wise or no. The ideal situation would be that I could be using my break to actually develop my other potentials - perhaps those that may be used to make me a better or a more able person - just so that I won't be accused of being too academic-oriented (not that it is actually anywhere close to the truth...oh, the harsh reality!).

The problem is, I lack the discipline.

Problem number two, I don't even have enough discipline to force any discipline on me.
Conclusion? I'm quite hopeless.

But we live and we learn. Perhaps as I journey on further in life, I'll pick up things that might be able to help me grow.

One things that would really help is for me to stop getting stressed out over trifles.
All the adrenaline gush ain't gonna do my poor heart any good anyway, and I think my blood vessels have enough fatty or atherosclerotic plaques lining them as it is (Heaven forbid!).

So let's try a calmer approach from now on. Breathing techniques, sound mind and body...and most importantly, trust in Him.

Of course, it would also help to be equipped with the realisation that change is always around the corner. Without change, humans will be static, with little or no desire to develop themselves. Without change too, comes boredom.

I suppose there's a good reason why America's politics - more specifically, Obama - keeps on yelling out "Change" like it's some sort of a mantra on a broken record.
So we should always update our map - a map that we use to define the world. A map that was shaped from our past experiences since we started to have (some) control over our memory banks, coloured by our own emotions, distorted when we erred, tainted by those episodes in which we were enshrouded in anger and blind reason, rebuilt when we rose from our fall, and refined once we gain that priceless revelation we call wisdom.
...Letting go of the old map is hard, but it's something that should be done, sooner or later. Hard because it may not be easy to accept that something that we have spent a lot of effort in has finally became outdated, hard because we stoop to the harsh realisation that we were wrong.

Letting it go and being back to the drawing board is just another step to acquiring a sense of maturity.

Why continue living in the past when Father Time is now speeding ahead in his F1 racing car?

Current Music: Kasanaru Kage (Instrumental)

Lost

End of the block exam for my first clinical posting. And suffice to say, it was screwed on an epic scale.
But we're not going to talk about that. No sirree.
Nor are we going to talk about how I drove back.

I was just checking out Tun Dr. M's blog. Not really out of curiosity - but rather, it was more of boredom.
To whomever who are following his blog, my advice is this: The comments section is hardly worth reading, period.
Simply because if you're planning to make your reading and your time worthwhile, the comments can hardly appease you. They're just a huge waste of time.
The fourth PM's writings are worth a lot when they're not too infused with emotions, I daresay. For instance, when he touched on the economics, history, and the games that politicians play and the words that they twist out of context.
The comments, most of the time, are only by those who only voice out their blind admiration for the PM, most of which sounds a lot like "sucking up".

Maybe now is not the best time to blog. I'm like the centre for all the negative energy in this part of the world...

Flipped

So I'm back in Kuantan, although not in campus. Yet.
What have I achieved from the oh-too-short Raya break? Other then my successful attempts at cutting watermelons open (would you believe it? I've never done anything like cutting watermelons before...) and the sudden peaked interest in the current American political arena (or rather, how the people are criticizing Republican Party's Sarah Palin) and the realisation that I have this "fear" of ketupat and my feeble attempts at studying...mmm, that doesn't leave anything much for me, does it?
But the break did give me time to refresh and to reconstruct my perspective. Perspective on many things, in fact.
Now the issue is whether I can actually carry out my plans of reformation, rather than just leaving them on an intangible blueprint.
Yosh.
Reality has a way of knocking back some sense into you, you know?

Money and...Much More

Am astounded as to why my Internet connection seems to be lagging. *shoots death glares at ISP*

Anyway. Haven't been doing much worth bragging about. Haven't been practising my keyboard for over a week now, and my attempt at Japanese have been so-so. One good thing that I did achieve was the revival of my Xda II by purchasing a new battery for him, and that I've managed to download a programme plus plugins to enable it to play FLV. Score one for the home team! I'll probably try to sustain it for 2, 3 years until I get a new one...Though that doesn't say much, since a camera - which I've wanted for quite some time - is still under my lengthy Wish List.

On with the subject I've promised earlier: Money and Value.

I mentioned before how depressing news are lately. And people have been complaining how hard it is to make ends meet, how troublesome it will be if the government were to issue salary twice a month, how government was right is reducing the subsidy...and henceforth. Last night's news revealed that whole chickens are sold for RM8 each, houses are now 30% more expensive...
While I'm thankful that my middle-income family is not suffering too much, it never hurts to be a little more prudent. The government has been promoting lifestyle change but seriously, a mere 10% decrement in their own earnings is laughable at the very least when we compare that the fuel price hike reaches a whooping 40%. They've been driving luxurious car(s) around, so the reduction won't even give them a proper jolt to reality. A little pang to their pride and a little jab at their greed (if present), but nothing more.
...Maybe it's not too wise to talk about them too much. God Knows if the ISA would suddenly stumble across this little blog of mine...

At times, regret and guilt would come raining down on me. Regret for either having bought something which turned out to be unnecessary later on, or even for not buying something when the chance presented itself. Guilt naturally ensues after the phase of regret.
So when I was told that it's best to invest money rather than just saving up, I had to agree. Likewise, when smart spending is involved. Let's face it, although we might be able to accumulate tons of money in banks, with the high inflation rates and all, the value would go down, down, down. Even a lot of money won't be able to get you much in the end.

Oh, the sheer horror of it all.

I'm kind of surprised (and relieved?) that students under JPA scholarship haven't tried asking for a raise. It probably had something to do with a recent raise we got a couple of months back...
...Still, the fact that I can't afford to laze around remains. There's a serious need to buck up if I want to make it in this world.
So it's time to stop thinking about how am I going to get to own superfluous things - like an iPhone (...), or a PSP (...), or a PS3 (ha?), a bunch of CDs or DVDs, clothes and stuff...
Which gave me no real reason to go to the mall, unless for window shopping. But we all know it may lead to unnecessary spending, or in the case of non-spending, a severe case of depression when the realisation that I won't be able to own it hits me hard. Even so, driving to the mall would consume money too...

*groans*

Still, frankly speaking, I'm sick of staying at home. Maybe that's why I haven't been able to do much, be it the things that I usually enjoy doing or not.

It's a different case of homesickness.

Maybe I should go out tomorrow. So what if I'll be on my own? I'll just busy myself with reading at a bookstore. Besides, we live in a somewhat un-caring society anyway; one that doesn't bother with other people's business.

That's all.

Ah. In an out-of-character move, I've landed myself with a Facebook account. What has the world come to!?

What's Your Morning Personality?

My Result: Still Sleepy

Sleepyheads like you are the reason they invented the snooze button. "Another five minutes! Just another five minutes." Okay, maybe one more...But eventually you do get up to face the day and arrive wherever you need to be in somewhat decent shape.


That said, after your initial reluctance to get out from under the covers, we'd guess you're pretty eager to get your day going. And while you probably won't be up with the roosters (or at least volunteer to be), you're able to be surprisingly productive before noon. Sometimes you just may need a little nudge or strong cup of coffee to get going. Then you'll be off and running!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=morningpersonalityogt&c=50652

The Influence of Birth Order

My Result: Eldest child because of your achievements

People who stand out as eldest children due to their achievements usually believe that educational and career advancement is very important. In fact, they likely enjoy higher salaries and more professional prestige than many of their peers. They tend to be highly efficient and appreciate the value of constructive feedback. They're probably competitive and like to compare themselves to others. Odds are they are more likely than most to enjoy competition and team sports. Additionally, it's probable that they are smart and able to perform at above average levels at most things.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=birthorderogt&c=50652

Current Music: You - Yuzuki
A song from Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. I even cropped it so that it'll become my ringtone. A surprising change of rhythm from Back-On or doa...Have I mellowed in the past few days?

Hibi

August 31.

It's one of those days again. Days that I'd rather have as non-existent. Days that people celebrate without truly understanding or appreciating history.

Despite being unpatriotic in the least, I do understand history. I am thankful (to some extent, but thankful nonetheless) for some of the great things that happened to me here. But...to say that the present is truly in glory? I have my doubts, and am not hesitant to say so.

It is true that we are more developed now compared to once before - but let's just put it this way; Our mentality has not developed as rapidly as the materialistic aspect. Backward development? Perhaps.

Imagine: People behaving like they have no idea what 'humility' means! I do agree that people should dress decently in public, but the way some people go about trying enforce 'morality', it's just not right! That's how we get opponents to the notion, saying that it's transgressing basic human rights!

I, for one, don't really like it when outsiders dictate what I should wear (that is God's privilege over me, but He's no outsider!), and hence, I do have something against school uniforms. Given, it would mean that I know, inherently, what may be worn and what may not. It's as simple as that.

I am okay with individualism, as long as it doesn't try to condescend other individuals.

But my main complaint is not wholly on dress code. It's how people behave that really ticks me off.

We claim we're civilised. But during 'celebrations', so called, why do most of us degrade ourselves, lower than the level of animals? It's downright embarrassing and depressing, how I wish to just escape from this pathetic country and how weak I am to challenge the mainstream 'culture', if I may put it as such.

Personally, if they have no religion, I couldn't care less. But please! Forget not He Who hath Lordship over thee, and never shalt thou forget thyself!

And there's also this 'habit' of blaming others, or other cultures.

Some claim that it's the West who has contaminated our lifestyle. But did they pause and ponder about the real situation?

They have their own lifestyle, yes, as do we. But, our problem is that we are too quick to copy what is not really good, or those that are not meant to be for us. For instance, everybody knows that smoking is bad, health-wise or...whatever it is. But some people do it because it's 'cool' and the need to be 'accepted'. Take note: I'm not only referring to cigarettes, per se, since there are also local...addictive that are a big no-no. Caffeine is not included, though.

And, we are bad drivers. We're not sporting enough, nor are we concerned about other people's safety on the road. And I'm willing to bet that the West are better drivers than we are. Is it because they were the ones who came up with automobiles in the first place? It's anybody's guess.

Politics. Our current political pattern, quoting a lecturer, is not designed for unity. The government comes up with a notion, and the opposition has to oppose. It's not beneficial for anyone if two sides, supposedly representing the same mass, are arguing. Whatever happened to 'work towards a common goal, forget our differences'?
Education. Again, we're copying what is not suitable for us. We're learning too much, yet it doesn't really shape the human within us. It's just food for brain, but isn't it supposed to supply our conscious as well? The system is too exam-oriented, that students abhor exams rather than enjoy it (ie. treating it as a positive challenge). We're becoming too worried about scoring instead of paying enough attention for us to enhance our skills.

It's absurd, how what we were taught does not really apply in real life. Could one say that, after all it's said and done, it's just a waste of time?

Current Music: We are One Tonight - Switchfoot