Intermission #49

How do you, pray enlighten me, make the most out of something when you don't have much to work with from the start?

I have been accused of being judgmental, but I know not its difference from drawing an inference as a guide to deal with people.

Environment shapes people, and there is no way am I staying put when all I have around me is un-professionalism.

Intermission #47

1. It's like everything is telling me to leave this damned hospital.

Never mind that I might not be adequately equipped in terms of knowledge, skills or clinical judgment. Never mind that I'm leaving friends behind. Never mind that I'm stepping into unfamiliar grounds.

I just feel in my heart - with great conviction! - that this is not a place for me. I can't, for the life of me, see myself developing properly if I remain in this backwater place.

It's like all departments are hostile towards each other. There is no respect, no trust.

Let's not even get me started on how ancient the infrastructure, the facilities are.

And the mindset. Oh, God, let's not even go there!

Dear God, save me, for I am powerless to save myself.

2. Now that the elections are over, can we just move on?

So BN retains the government seat. Did they really cheat? Only God Knows. But they can't afford to be complacent anymore.

All I know is, I'm sick of racial politics, regardless of which side incited it. I'm sick of opening my FB newsfeed and seeing hate and accusations, back to back.

Everybody needs "UBAH". And I mean it as change for the better, no matter what your political ideologies or worldview.

...I don't know what to believe in anymore. It's easier to give up than to constantly seek for the truth, in today's graying world, where authenticity is difficult to ascertain, despite the many sources of information available at our disposal. Such irony!

How do you seek the truth when there is slander all around, when people deal in lies, and people act more emotionally than rationally?

Is ignorance bliss? I'm starting to think so.

So please, let's just put all this conflict aside. Stop acting childish. Man up and stop being such a sore loser. Remember that the helm of governance is actually an amanah, and God will question you in the Afterlife.

...And for God's sake, clean up all the flags and banners. They're an eyesore already!

Current Music: Taking Over Me - Lawson

Intermission #46

1. In almost every situation, there is a high chance that there will be one mood-maker; One whose mere presence gives what kind of atmosphere the rest of us will be in.

Generally in the ward, this role is filled in by the specialist. If s/he is irritable or just being a pain, then chances are the rest of the day is screwed.

Actually it doesn't really matter which department you're in, but here in O&G and Surgical, you can practically feel the tension growing in the air; so thick that you might need a chainsaw to cut it.

The point is, don't abuse your power. This includes the tendency to inflict some indirect psychological insult.

2. Yesterday at work, while my specialist was deep in thoughts thinking on what to do about a suspicious CTG tracing for one of the patients who was in labour, I was in my usual pose - right hand poised with my trusty pen in position, ready to jot down whatever he might have to say. Then he glanced at me, and just gave me an amused smile. He commented how us HO's are always writing down stuff.

I blinked cluelessly, stared once at my pen, recapped it and chucked it into my pocket.

"Ah, that's better," said he.

I gave a measly smile, and stared at my half-written entry.

Then he ambled next to me, whispering, "You know, house officers are not clerks. You're a doctor. Aku dulu pun tak suka clerking, tulis-tulis..."

And, surprising even myself, I blurted out, "Yes, actually I'm confused too."

He chuckled silently. "Don't be."

When he already left me, I just stared at the still unfinished entry.

Yes, I think I'm very much confused about my job description.

I think I'm so used to being a mak turut, merely following orders and running here and there, that I can't even develop my own thinking skills; instead finding myself being so scared of questioning authority blatantly, even when I know they're being unreasonable.

3. I kind of envy how some people are not afraid of speaking out when they see injustice. Maybe they have this air around them - what they say comes out as a constructive criticism, a mature observation of human fallacies.

And me? Maybe people just perceive my words, my opinions as childish complaints, nothing more.

4. I'm very tempted to leave this hospital once my time for MO-ship comes. Especially when the lab is being an absolute pain in the arse, because there's no way I can bear taking up Pathology - if the chance ever presents itself - when I absolutely resent their policies.

Current Music: Angel with A Shotgun - The Cab

P/s: I'm getting really lazy with titles, am I not? Pfft!

Compilations #18

1. I'm just so tired of everything.

Being constantly thrown into different wards just after I'm well adapting to one is starting to take its toll. And while the female ward can be relatively more peaceful than the male ward, in terms of drama it is anything but peaceful.

If I could just throw throw my hands up in frustration and just walk off to leave all this madness behind, I would. Because I can't take all this stupidity anymore. The hierarchy is too much. Certain people are just not professional enough. People are becoming more and more selfish. Patients demand too much, way beyond what we can provide. Oh, heck, the hospital's in a damned poverty, and the ECG machines should just burn in hell. Haemato lab people - some of them - are lazy (Pick up the phone, morons!) and so darned annoyingly rude.

Even my best is not good enough, my patience has seen better days, and nowadays all I want to do is to just lock myself away and cry myself to sleep.

At one point it feels like everything else is hopeless, and I can only depend on myself. But it just exhausts me entirely.

Lamenting to people is no good, but even complaining to God doesn't seem to bring much relief.

What do I do then?

Years from now, would I be able to look back at this moment in time and say that "Yes, I survived this hellhole, and I'm a better person because of it"?

2. I may not have good understanding of people as I thought.

That would explain why I can be so socially awkward at times. Why my social life is nonexistent. Why I am just so bad in maintaining friendships. Why I have very few friends that I feel like I can share my problems with without feeling so bad for burdening them.

...And why I'll most likely be forever alone.

...Damn, I feel more tears coming.

I need a break from all this...desperately.

Current Music: Need You - Travie McCoy

Compilations #16

1. I have just lost whatever ounce of respect I once had, however negligible it was to begin with.

This may prove to be problematic in the long run.

Is this just my larger-than-life ego speaking? Or does it stem from my disappointment in those I call my superiors?

2. How is it possible to maintain one's niyyah and selflessness - keikhlasan - at work, when it feels like everything is working against you?

Dear God, let not every effort of mine be in vain in Thy Eyes.

3. Which is worse - no system or bad system? I honestly can't tell anymore.

I can't take all the stupidity around me.

4. Dunia dah terbalik...

5. Sometimes I think we don't match. We, who come from two different worlds, with different temperaments and whims.

But every time I hear your voice, my heart makes a little leap like a young puppy, and against my will a smile breaks through the iron facade that I put up.

When our eyes meet, a small part of me can't help feeling that I may not be good enough for you, and wonder what is it that you see in me, a simple girl with a disjointed view of the world. And so I tear my eyes away - reluctantly! - because I don't wish for you to see the sadness that threaten to show itself with each passing time.

Somehow I have a feeling that you know what you've done to me.

...Stop making me fall harder, darn you!

Also...I kinda hate that I'm missing you more than I should.

...I'm so bad at this sort of things, am I not?

Current Music: Stereo Hearts - Gym Class Heroes featuring Adam Levine

In Denial...Sort of

My mother had, every so often, encouraged me to pursue writing as a secondary career, knowing very well how I enjoy writing and how the local literary field is in dire need for better reading materials. Regardless, it's an idea that I myself have entertained every so often...but never actually got around to penning it down.

She suggested that I write something based on my working experience...

...And I have a feeling that if I ever wrote it down, the novel will be entitled "I'm not Jonah".

See, apparently they have this superstitious(?) belief at the hospital, whereby anytime someone who's already a known case of "Jonah" is at work, then plenty of admission is likely. I have, many a time, insisted that I'm not Jonah, and that it actually depends on the MO who is oncall at the same time as I am.

Until today, during which when I called my MO (an awesome one, if I may say so!) to ask about a case, he actually asked, "Eh, kenapa you sibuk sangat hari ni?".

That was after the fifth case in the Emergency Department. So far I've seen seven this day alone...And even the Medical Assistants and the MOs at ED were chuckling when I came to ED to review the cases that they referred to me.

Maybe it's payback for a relatively easy day yesterday, which was fortunate, as I was indisposed for a great deal of the afternoon, feeling under the weather such that they put me on an IV drip. Yes, I have newfound respect for patients who are able to calmly wait on their beds for their drips/antibiotics to finish, staring at the drops that signify the passing time, much like an hourglass...

God, please let my oncall finish soon. I'm starting to have phobia towards my own mobile phone...

Current Music: Misery - Maroon Five

Intermission #32

I can't take it anymore.

There has to be a limit to what kind of stupidity that the superiors are putting us into. If you want things to be done, how's about stop introducing stupid rules that restrict us in our job?

The breaking point is so near, it's like something is breaking in my chest, and I'm suffocating. Overwhelmed by all this rubbish that I'm in - against my own will, and yet still too powerless to do anything about this.

I'm starting to forget what happiness feels like. One thing for sure - even during my convocation I felt numb, apathetic.

Current Music: Awaken - Maher Zain

Intermission #30

...If there is one thing that I absolutely cannot stand, it is people being uncivilised.

Since when is it cool to hit on random people? Especially when an example of said random person happens to be one stressed out, recently started houseman who was stuck doing discharge summaries as if she's actually a clerk and relatives nagging on when the deuce can their son/brother/etc get out of the ward?

It impedes on my professional front, which means that there is a real danger of my spite making itself known to the whole wide world.

So maybe I'm actually pissed off at something else or maybe even with myself, but whatever, and I'm starting to lose it, bit by bit.

Makes one wonder how long it'll take before I actually snap, yes?


...So maybe I'm actually pissed off because it's not the person I'd like to who's actually doing the wooing. Damn it, self, what the deuce is wrong with you!?

...Pardon the colourful language. It's the stress talking, I assure you.

What Lies Ahead

"Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity" ~ Albert Einstein

1. The clock keeps on ticking, the countdown doesn't stop, and my agitation is worsening. So much so that even my sleeping schedule is royally disrupted, because my brain has kicked into defense mode - writing, or more accurately, the desire to write.

My muses are in a state of unrest, my plot bunnies run wild, and my mind refuses to conform to what logic insists I should do. Not good, not good at all.

I want to give it up. Maybe find another hobby, or another way to engage my brainworks.

...But because things rarely go according to plan, I'm quite scared to commit to the idea of forgoing it. Who knows what kind of things will accumulate in my head without a proper outflow channel?

Sometimes I see myself as a collector. I pick up things here and there, mostly reluctantly and out of the force of habit, but even when I thought it has long left my person, even when I become liberated from its iron grasp, the tiniest proof of its presence still remains, and it can go viral when least expected.

2. We fear what we do not know.

I think one of the greatest problems that I have with this line is the sheer uncertainty of what will come. I'm talking in terms of patients' sequelae or prognosis, but more of "What will come through that door and into my care?". Or, in broader example - Which posting will I be placed in? Which hospital?

We also fear what we cannot control.

3. As a side note - I mentioned elsewhere that I absolutely hate batik. Subsequently, I hate shopping for batik, especially when there's not much choice to begin with. Honestly, though, it's pathetic.

...If the government wants to make it a ruling or a dress code, for God's sake make sure there are enough supplies to meet demands. And those supplies had better be darn good.

Ugh.

Current Music:  e・ter・ni・ty - UraBoku OST

Compilations #12

1. So the issue now is - when shall we be called for work? (Called for induction, to be more accurate, but whatever - one thing leads to another!)
Personally, I don't really mind either way, but the issue that we're already late as it is still bites me. It's awfully unfair, and honestly, it's like the university never learn at all. Way to show your credibility, guys. As if we don't already hate you enough...
Or maybe I'm just the type who shows little enthusiasm. Paranoid much? Or is it something more?

2. Maybe I should stop thinking too much about writing. Lately it doesn't give me as much kick as it used to. Perhaps it's God's way of telling me, "Grow up, woman!" or something. Hmm...

3. These few days, I've been busy checking out some of the radio shows that Japanese VAs do. Despite the fact that I don't really understand a great deal of what they're saying - sort of enough, but I need more! - it still manages to make me grin like an idiot and burst out laughing like a maniac. They're having too much fun at their job, and their passion really shines through.
I'm sort of envious. Hoping that I can reach that level of passion for my job soon enough.
In any case, I can't be listening to the radio shows on my mp3 player in public. Wouldn't want people to stare at me strangely and wondering if I should be confined, away from supposedly sane people...

4. Also, I've been busy filling up documents - although probably 'busy' is such an undeserving overstatement. Every time, I can't figure out what to write under "Occupation".
It's like being stuck in between worlds, or something like that.

5. Dangit, country block!!

6. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 was awesome. Needs more Draco though, or maybe that's just me...

Listening to: Bonus Track Intro ~Zenryaku Gake no Ue Yori Hizou Demo Ryuushutsu~ - Morita Masakazu, from Bleach B Station Volume 2

Intermission #25

I am in despair.

Remember the 10 sites that the government has blocked access to as one of their efforts to battle piracy? While it may or may not help their political propaganda cause, I am utterly, utterly irritated that I can't even download a harmless file in txt format.

What the flipping heck!?

Can I blame inflation for the rising prices (which then leads to piracy) in addition to blaming the government?

...How great is this? I haven't even started working but already I'm worried about money matters. Way to go, self.

Kyon facepalms at the continuous facepalm-worthy antics

Current Music: Love Love - Take That

Overload

"The only dream worth having, I told her, is to dream that you will live while you're alive and die only when you're dead. [Which means:] To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget." - Arundhati Roy

It's getting uglier. So ugly it's repulsive, it's blasphemy.

What on God's Earth is wrong with...every single thing!? Why are utter morons holding the strings, the baton to the orchestra? Why can't some people just act their age already?

Why is it that most people appear so selfish it's just so inhumane? (...Myself notwithstanding? Really? Oh dear...) I used to think that the only thing that is limitless in a person is his or her dreams - perhaps now I may add 'ego' to that list?

Why do people no longer respond to kindness with kindness too? Why is it that people's good will gets manipulated out of context only too easily? Why is it that lies always seem to prevail over truth? Why does it feel as if our lives are being controlled by capitalists and corruption?

Is everything a mere fabrication, a veil to blind?

Is this how humanity spirals down to destruction? Are we already in the final chapter, or are things just getting started?

One thing I'm quite certain of - I'm so sick of all this bull.

Current Music: What The Hell - Avril Lavigne

Compilations #10

1. It's a general truth that not everyone will get a piece of the pie.

In this dog eat dog world, it's every man for himself, and every woman for herself.

Simply knowing this doesn't mean that the battle is half won. If anything, it's the ticket to anxiety, injustice and ruthlessness.

Welcome to the world of capitalism.

2. I'd like, even for one day, to read a newspaper that has none of the following:

i. Road traffic accidents
ii. People getting murdered, accidentally or no
iii. Political ruckus and/or fracas
iv. pr0n, Objectification of sex
v. People getting kidnapped/putting on strike/getting robbed
vi. What the Prime Minister's wife is up to

...Yeah. I suspect it'll be a mighty fine edition, although probably it'll be awfully thin...

3. "It is a bad plan that admits of no modification" ~ Publilius Syrus (~100 BC), Maxims

Never say never - be it in medicine or one's every day life. For example, never say "I must not buy more fiction books because they will not be asked in the exams" because...well, I found myself doing just that.


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Now playing: Chris Daughtry - Life After You
via FoxyTunes

Twisted Out of Context

1. ENT Viva went relatively well although my instincts failed in their attempt in anticipation. Had a safe drive back to own hometown. I am home. The Internet connection is restored. It rained (OH YES GOD THANK YOU!). Went shopping for a few things. Managed to catch up with a few things that I had neglected (although not the rest).
In summary: Bliss. Thank God.

2. I admit that I am rather behind in my general knowledge as to what on Earth has besieged the country as we speak. The papers I barely read - merely flipping through the headlines and choosing only those that would not enrage me or challenge my principles - and the Net...the webpages I go to have not been updated much.
...Excuses. Frankly, I'm just so tired of all the drama.
It's rare that my father would invite me to a discussion - more like an educational commentary, really - when it comes to certain TV shows. Then again, he usually would watch forums and stuff, while I'd rather retire to my own corner in the house and sink into my thoughts or surf the Net for my own brand of viewing pleasure. But such a rare occurrence actually materialised today, thanks to a forum that seemed to discuss about the government's policy of making 30% of every sector to comprise of the fairer sex.
I may be a feminist to some point, being part of the species, but I am still in doubt whether the government can actually pull this off.
It's not unusual if they suddenly withdrew the idea some time in the future after the damage has been done *cough*PTS*cough*PPSMI*cough*...
Whatever it is, I'm watching from afar...

3. I'm sorry, but I couldn't care less if anybody managed to get him/herself photographed with Najib. I'm no rabid fan of his, so how about trying something else instead?

4. There are some things that continue to plague our thoughts no matter how hard we push them out.
...Looks like I've to try harder. Nonetheless, knowing what to defeat is barely half the battle.

5. I'm going to miss ENT. Even more than Dermato...Oh my. I wonder what awaits in Opthalmo...

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Now playing: Savage Garden - Crash And Burn
via FoxyTunes

Reversals and Regressions

I have not been updating lately because – in addition to the Internet connection being a real pain since five days ago - I have been somewhat at a loss for words.

The reason? I was - and still am - appalled with the state of things as they are right now.

Most may say that I am keen about politics. That I like politics. On the contrary, it's the complete opposite; I abhor the system, the over-the-top controversies and allegations, the politicians' stupid antics and the dumb decisions that they make.

Yes, I am referring to their unthinkable decision of reverting to the mother tongue for the teachings of Science and Mathematics. The main argument for the verdict is that the rural students were too far left behind in their achievements compared to their urban counterpart, attributed to the former's lack of proficiency in English.

I dare not deny that. But what irked me was that the government screwed up big time 6 years ago when they got over-excited about the idea, and when things did not turn out the way they had planned, they have the unmitigated gall of committing a graver mistake of going back - which brings us as a nation backwards. And they owe their guinea pigs an apology.

I vaguely remember that the issue of doing it in English 6 years ago stemmed at a time when there was another hot issue going on. I suspect that it was to diverge the attention of the people from the latter - although what it was exactly escapes me at the moment. Of course, of that I may be wrong, perhaps there was no rival issue, but the truth remains - the Malays get over-excited too easily, and that everything is politically motivated.

[Not too off-topic] I don't care about this 1Malaysia the PM is trying to pull. I'll just keep quiet about it and see if it ever produces a positive outcome. I guess every PM needs to have a 'project' that is their trademark; Tun Dr. M has his Vision 2020 (...) amongst other things in the span of 22 years he helmed the PM seat, Tun Pak Lah his Islam Hadhari (*grimaces*), and so Najib just followed suit (*gags*).[/Not too off-topic]

*Facepalm*

The fact that English is the main language in which knowledge is disseminated in cannot be refuted. As much as some people may hate to admit it, nobody can deny that the latest discoveries and advancements are mostly from the English-speaking (primarily or secondarily) Westerners. Sure, one may erupt into an angry tirade of "going back to the glory during the old Islamic civilisation", but please, I beg of thee - be realistic. The Malays can't proclaim our own language as the lingua franca of the present time - and as long as we are less worthy, falling out of the competition owing to our own delay in acquiring, implementing or developing whatever knowledge already known to man, who are we to insist for such privilege? Note that this point clearly cancels out the Japan-is-technology-savvy-but-they-still-speak-zero-English argument; If the Malays - or Malaysians as a whole - are capable of half the competitive edge the Japanese are dishing out, then we can start teaching the two subjects in Malay.

The crux of the problem, in addition to the Malays' tak apa attitude and knee-jerk reactions, which the government totally overlooked back then, was that the state of English was sub-par at best, and abysmal at worst. The Ministry of Education should have first assessed whether the nation was ready for the 180° of change, and if it wasn't, the students and teachers alike - in short, the learning environment - should have been carefully and ingeniously steered towards an English-savvy one. Without the evaluation, it's like forcing a crawling toddler to sprint.
And I'm not just talking about the courses the teachers had to attend, because there's more to changing an education system than courses. Was the English syllabus reviewed and revamped? Were the teachers convinced and capable of performing up to the task? Were the students open to the idea of embracing a foreign language - one deemed as coming from "those greedy, unjust conquerers of yore" - and making it part of their communications, part of their lives?

It was all done wrong. While the aim was clearly praiseworthy, the execution was anything but.

What's the implication of the recent reversal? Now the Malays will never see how important English is. They'll be misled with the notion that they'll be safe now that it's back in Malay, so why bother with English? In the meantime, while they are lulled into a false sense of security, the Chinese and Indians will continue striving in their English - because they generally speak more English than the Malays do. The result? The Malays will be left several decades behind, that nothing more can be done. That's when things get really ugly, when the so-called bumiputera, the natives are doomed on their own soils, in their own country.

All because of their stubborn ego, and refusal to change their ways despite been proven inadequate.

Personally, in regards to my own history as a student, I didn't have much of a problem - which might make my view on the matter as over-simplistic or biased, even. I was taught in Malay in both primary and secondary school years, then in English during matriculation, and even until now when I am a university student. The shift was not too troublesome because, coming from an urban background and a family that recognises the importance of English itself as well as a school that glorifies the language, Science and Maths were not too alien-sounding to me in English. Sure, we joked with the literal translations all the time, but in the end, we were taught of what we should know - in Malay. When the government announced they were switching the medium of teaching, at a time when our batch was left out of the change, I was jealous.

And when we entered matrics, everyone knew that to have poor command of English is equivalent to being handicapped. Regrets set in. What good is there when our brains are full of brilliant ideas and great knowledge, and yet when we open our mouths, our speech appears disjointed and meek, and we speak no more eloquently and intelligently than a three year old?

The government should have just retained PPSMI, and complement it with English-enhancing plans. It'll probably save the country from a big hole in their budget.

...Although, I question if the huge amount of money they planned to use to improve the English syllabus and methods of teaching - [EDIT]RM6 million, was it? RM4-6 billion, according to 'Izzah [/EDIT] - would be enough to bring a paradigm shift into the Malay thinking and attitudes.

Current Music: I Hate This Part Right Here - PCD

P/s: There’ll be a short continuation pertaining to this later on, most probably with the heading of “(Malaysian) Politicians Say the Darnest Things Ever”…an example of which almost makes Sarah Palin sound smarter. Almost.

P/p/s: I actually finished a comic strip for this, but because the connection is not being cooperative in any sense of the word, it will have to wait. Just keep an eye for any updates in my other blog, if you're interested. Hee.

Year 3: My Epilogue

Am home after 3 months of struggling mostly against lethargy and laziness in Surgery. I suppose I got fortunate - I mean, it seemed so, but really, who knows?

Looking back, Y3 isn't all bad. I mean, my posting-mates turn out to be awesome in their own way, and we did share good and bad times and scoldings from the lecturers together. God, I hope my posting-mates in Y4 will be _at least_ as awesome you guys!

Zooming in on my closest posting buddies: 'Izzah, Izatul & Nazhiyah. Thank you for everything. I value our weekly ritual of lunching out every Friday, in which I've always looked forward to our chats on heavy issues - from politics, global warming, the Malay dilemma, politics, Internet stuff, more politics, and...uh, the many expressions of gastric ulcers (from angry-looking to LOLWUT!? religious-looking gastric ulcers on OGDS?).

Why so much on politics? Because Malaysian political arena is always in a state of unrest - where there's always at least _one_ controversial issue or a series of accusations that heats up not just the Parliament, but the media and the tables at our local mamak stalls as well.

The last so-called meeting we held was in KP's Pizza Hut on Friday, June 12th. The minutes of the discussion basically revolved around the current problems that are the oh-too-liberal Sisters in Islam (SIS), exams, the aforementioned gastric ulcers (...really, now), more on politics (PAS and BN, I'm looking at you guys. Can't you make my newspaper-reading a calmer and more pleasant experience?), and how the services at the restaurant totally failed, and how we were thinking of _not_ paying for the service charges.



I'd like to pray that we'll be posted together again, if that's okay? Miyavi'll miss 'Izzah, and I'll miss our almost-daily mandatory(?) dialogue on politics and whatnots. Teehee.

Oh. The cheery mood of this entry overrides my present post-examination blues episode.
Now I'm off to do some catching up with my anime stuff-u.

Current Music: Crawl - Veltpunch

P/s: If you're wondering how the Pizza Hut episode ended - We left a message written at the back of a paper relaying our unhappiness with the services on our table, and we complained at the cashier to justify our unwillingness to pay for the service charges. Come on, now...we waited over 40 minutes for our pizzas, just because there was only one functioning oven (since last week!?), and nobody bothered to inform us that the orders will take some time? And walking away while someone is talking to you is a huge no-no, whoever and wherever you are... (Take that, rude waitress!)

P/p/s: To be continued in Part 2. Someday.

Intermission #2

Undeniably, one of the most obvious changes after the sixth Prime Minister came into power is that I seldom read the topics pertaining to the nation in the newspapers nowadays, be it The Star or Utusan. Personally I prefer the former, because it's in English *cough*andlessbiasedinperspective*cough*.

Anyway. For those who have not been up to date - i.e. less than yours truly have been - the present issue is still the teaching of science and mathematics in English and, now as an added bonus, the issue of making a pass in English compulsory to earn a pass in SPM as a whole.

But this entry is not to expound on why I would support or condemn the move, or why I am a proponent of the English language because I seriously need to settle my forsaken case write up before engaging in another futile rant which probably won't make an ounce of positive change in the country's future. Or my own, for that matter.

Out of sheer boredom, and equipped with a sense of dread and a prayer, I opened today's copy of Utusan - perhaps my second time of reading the newspaper this month alone, which probably isn't saying much. Naturally, I skipped the nonsensical political melee...but my eyes caught one particular heading. More accurately, it was the layout of the content that sparked my interest, because it had something _other_ than party A criticising/thrashing/damning party B. It had poetry.

I can appreciate some form of literature, but the general rule in my books is simple: "English>>>Malay". Don't start saying how unpatriotic I am to make this statement. It is simply my preference, just like how one prefers black to white, for example. So it's one of my basic human rights. Just like I can say how I suffered reading through Bukit Kepong and Konserto Terakhir in my late secondary school years...although frankly reading The Pearl was also a bore chore...

Ahem.

Here is a copy of the poem...and I'll pass commenting on how I feel about it, because my sentiments towards my own race has always been - and forever will be - ambivalent at best. That still doesn't cloud my judgment...that this poem still carries a great weight of truth.

MELAYU - Usman Awang

Melayu itu orang yang bijaksana
Nakalnya bersulam jenaka
Budi bahasanya tidak terkira
Kurang ajarnya tetap santun
Jika menipu pun masih bersopan
Bila mengampu bijak beralas tangan.

Melayu itu berani jika bersalah
Kecut takut kerana benar,
Janji simpan di perut
Selalu pecah di mulut,
Biar mati adat
Jangan mati anak.

Melayu di tanah Semenanjung luas maknanya:
Jawa itu Melayu, Bugis itu Melayu
Banjar juga disebut Melayu, Minangkabau
memang Melayu,
Keturunan Acheh adalah Melayu,
Jakun dan Sakai asli Melayu,
Arab dan Pakistani, semua Melayu
Mamak dan Malbari serap ke Melayu
Malah mua'alaf bertakrif Melayu
(Setelah disunat anunya itu)

Dalam sejarahnya
Melayu itu pengembara lautan
Melorongkan jalur sejarah zaman
Begitu luas daerah sempadan
Sayangnya kini segala kehilangan

Melayu itu kaya falsafahnya
Kias kata bidal pusaka
Akar budi bersulamkan daya
Gedung akal laut bicara

Malangnya Melayu itu kuat bersorak
Terlalu ghairah pesta temasya
Sedangkan kampung telah tergadai
Sawah sejalur tinggal sejengkal
tanah sebidang mudah terjual

Meski telah memiliki telaga
Tangan masih memegang tali
Sedang orang mencapai timba.
Berbuahlah pisang tiga kali
Melayu itu masih bermimpi

Walaupun sudah mengenal universiti
Masih berdagang di rumah sendiri.
Berkelahi cara Melayu
Menikam dengan pantun
Menyanggah dengan senyum
Marahnya dengan diam
Merendah bukan menyembah
Meninggi bukan melonjak.

Watak Melayu menolak permusuhan
Setia dan sabar tiada sempadan
Tapi jika marah tak nampak telinga
Musuh dicari ke lubang cacing
Tak dapat tanduk telinga dijinjing
Maruah dan agama dihina jangan
Hebat amuknya tak kenal lawan

Berdamai cara Melayu indah sekali
Silaturrahim hati yang murni
Maaf diungkap senantiasa bersahut
Tangan diulur sentiasa bersambut
Luka pun tidak lagi berparut

Baiknya hati Melayu itu tak terbandingkan
Selagi yang ada sanggup diberikan
Sehingga tercipta sebuah kiasan:
"Dagang lalu nasi ditanakkan
Suami pulang lapar tak makan
Kera di hutan disusu-susukan
Anak di pangkuan mati kebuluran"

Bagaimanakah Melayu abad dua puluh satu
Masihkan tunduk tersipu-sipu?
Jangan takut melanggar pantang
Jika pantang menghalang kemajuan;
Jangan segan menentang larangan
Jika yakin kepada kebenaran;
Jangan malu mengucapkan keyakinan
Jika percaya kepada keadilan.

Jadilah bangsa yang bijaksana
Memegang tali memegang timba
Memiliki ekonomi mencipta budaya
Menjadi tuan di negara Merdeka
Current Music: Don't Say Lazy - Hikasa Yoko

Not-too-short an Intermission

I'm not supposed to be surfing the Net for too long simply because it's presently revision week, and it's not like whatever I would look up on the Net would be asked in the exams due to their irrelevance and lack of importance in one's quest for a degree.
So I went to chedet, and the issue of teaching science and maths in english (PPSMI) caught my attention almost too easily that before I realised it, my curiosity had bypassed my awareness and had commanded my frail fingers to click on the link.
And from there, I read his views with much agreement.
And although I had warned those who would heed to avoid the comments section, I had browsed that section...and stumbled on to another link, bringing me to a humorous blog that managed to plaster this oh-too-goofy smile on my face.

The Link!

Hey, I never did consider myself much of a patriotic person, whether to my country or to my own language. One reason? It clouds one's judgment so.

Current Music: We Cry - The Script

Hibi

August 31.

It's one of those days again. Days that I'd rather have as non-existent. Days that people celebrate without truly understanding or appreciating history.

Despite being unpatriotic in the least, I do understand history. I am thankful (to some extent, but thankful nonetheless) for some of the great things that happened to me here. But...to say that the present is truly in glory? I have my doubts, and am not hesitant to say so.

It is true that we are more developed now compared to once before - but let's just put it this way; Our mentality has not developed as rapidly as the materialistic aspect. Backward development? Perhaps.

Imagine: People behaving like they have no idea what 'humility' means! I do agree that people should dress decently in public, but the way some people go about trying enforce 'morality', it's just not right! That's how we get opponents to the notion, saying that it's transgressing basic human rights!

I, for one, don't really like it when outsiders dictate what I should wear (that is God's privilege over me, but He's no outsider!), and hence, I do have something against school uniforms. Given, it would mean that I know, inherently, what may be worn and what may not. It's as simple as that.

I am okay with individualism, as long as it doesn't try to condescend other individuals.

But my main complaint is not wholly on dress code. It's how people behave that really ticks me off.

We claim we're civilised. But during 'celebrations', so called, why do most of us degrade ourselves, lower than the level of animals? It's downright embarrassing and depressing, how I wish to just escape from this pathetic country and how weak I am to challenge the mainstream 'culture', if I may put it as such.

Personally, if they have no religion, I couldn't care less. But please! Forget not He Who hath Lordship over thee, and never shalt thou forget thyself!

And there's also this 'habit' of blaming others, or other cultures.

Some claim that it's the West who has contaminated our lifestyle. But did they pause and ponder about the real situation?

They have their own lifestyle, yes, as do we. But, our problem is that we are too quick to copy what is not really good, or those that are not meant to be for us. For instance, everybody knows that smoking is bad, health-wise or...whatever it is. But some people do it because it's 'cool' and the need to be 'accepted'. Take note: I'm not only referring to cigarettes, per se, since there are also local...addictive that are a big no-no. Caffeine is not included, though.

And, we are bad drivers. We're not sporting enough, nor are we concerned about other people's safety on the road. And I'm willing to bet that the West are better drivers than we are. Is it because they were the ones who came up with automobiles in the first place? It's anybody's guess.

Politics. Our current political pattern, quoting a lecturer, is not designed for unity. The government comes up with a notion, and the opposition has to oppose. It's not beneficial for anyone if two sides, supposedly representing the same mass, are arguing. Whatever happened to 'work towards a common goal, forget our differences'?
Education. Again, we're copying what is not suitable for us. We're learning too much, yet it doesn't really shape the human within us. It's just food for brain, but isn't it supposed to supply our conscious as well? The system is too exam-oriented, that students abhor exams rather than enjoy it (ie. treating it as a positive challenge). We're becoming too worried about scoring instead of paying enough attention for us to enhance our skills.

It's absurd, how what we were taught does not really apply in real life. Could one say that, after all it's said and done, it's just a waste of time?

Current Music: We are One Tonight - Switchfoot