Comme Il Faut

Comme il faut (Fr.)
- lit. as is necessary
- correct in behavior or etiquette

Source: Oxford American Dictionary

“Madness is to think of too many things in succession too fast, or of one thing too exclusively” ~ Voltaire

In that case I am certifiably mad. As in, angered to a point of physical retaliation, or an acidic retort.

It is inevitable. It has happened to our seniors in the previous years, and will continue to happen in the future. It's impossible to built this sense of camaraderie when there are just too many people that your personal space gets invaded, and when an amiable offer is returned by what is in essence impudence.

I hardly think I am abusing my seniority. The fact that other people share my sentiments _must_ mean something.

It's amazing how emotions can cloud one's perception. Amazing and dangerous, definitely. Between two people sharing some similarities - be it blood ties, appearance or even behaviour - our prejudices can tell them apart and react to what we see as deserving to each party in question.

I swear, if I'm ever peeved again by that wench, I won't hold back.

I Can (Not) Advance

Title is based on that of the new Evangelion movie, Evangelion 2.0: You Can (Not) Advance.

Penalise me, if you must, for beginning this entry with an all too depressing note, but let it end there. It's a balance that I must have, the inevitable phase that I go through after a period of positive outlook in life. I was rebuked for taking on this blanket statement, and because I can be such a hard-headed ignoramus, I took my argument no further. Delusions I must not indulge myself in, and being lost in a tsunami of raging emotions is never an option. Life is too short for us to be morose, or so I was told, but we are also advocated to always stay true to ourselves.

Perhaps there will be those who will agree with me when I say that no other postings highlights the concept of God's provisions better than Obstetrics and Gynaecology. There's simply no telling what will happen, much less when. Or to whom. Or who will be there to seize it.

I'm in despair. Time is quickly running out, and my energy limited.

I want to believe (even though I can't) amidst the situation I am in. I want to look up at the open skies, but the mud I trudge on sinks me deep.

I don't want to lose hope in the shifaa' - the panacea - that God has given.

I just want to believe that there's something for everyone. And that in the end, it _does_ really matter.

"And He giveth you of all that ye ask for. But if ye count the favours of Allah, never will ye be able to number them. Verily, man is given up to injustice and ingratitude" (14:34) (Source).

Source

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Now playing: Hans Zimmer - Panic, Sheer Bloody Panic
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Lest We Forget

"Sungguh, Allah tidak akan menzalimi seseorang walaupun sebesar zarah, dan jika ada kebajikan (sekecil zarah), nescaya Allah akan melipat gandakannya dan memberikan pahala yang besar dari sisi-Nya" (4:40)

"Dan orang yang beriman serta mengerjakan kebajikan, Kami tidak akan membebani seseorang melainkan menurut kesanggupannya. Mereka itulah penghuni syurga; mereka kekal di dalamnya" (7:42)

It's something that, despite our encounter day in and day out, we can't seem to hold on to staunchly. Because it's always easier to see yourself as a victim instead of one who's given the chance by Him to improve yourself.

...On a lighter note, BBC will be airing their new series - Sherlock - this Sunday. Do want! And why is it that good shows that I'm dying to watch are popping up when I have more important things to attend to!?

Modern day Sherlock Holmes. I personally prefer the Victorian era but no matter.

And moustache-less!Watson will need some time getting used to...

There are No Words

I lied. Of course there are words; otherwise there would be no entry.

My mood has been melodramatic, at best. It's more on the indescribable side; I feel like a painter who was just asked to explain her abstract drawing. Maybe that is not art on the canvas, but rather, mere splotches and drips of paint orchestrated by the irascible paintbrush.

Maybe this issue of altering what is deeply engraved in me takes more than I can manage. Maybe not, but there's no discounting that possibility.

I don't want to see the world as conspiring against me, because it's akin to having little to no faith in His Plans.

For now, it's time to try controlling what can be controlled. Hmph.

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Now playing: Lifehouse - Halfway Gone
via FoxyTunes

Onus

Onus - (L.) accountability/responsibility;
1. A duty or responsibility that is a source of anxiety, worry, or hardship
2. A mark of discredit or disgrace
3. Responsibility for an error or crime

I know I'm not supposed to blog as much as before, with the little time we have before that fateful day we call our Final Professional Examinations, scheduled to be on May 23, 2011.

But it's hard to deny what is essential our identity. To change what one is already too accustomed to, to change one's own rhythm. Such is the power of habits; so difficult to break.

So taxing is the change on my psyche that I succumbed to an illness - a minor one, but an illness all the same - within the span of 24 hours. Perhaps, God Willing, I'll still be able to attend class tomorrow, as long as this malaise resolves and my energy returns to my veins.

Sometimes it's just much easier when you have no other choice. It's "You have to do this!" all the way, without any room for a "Maybe".

It's the same with Medicine. Quoting Dr. S one week ago, since we are presently fifth years, we are "no longer juvenile". In other words, there is no excuse to screw up.

Compare that to Dr. A's "Now's the time to make mistakes. The only time you're not given such liberty is during the exams".

I personally am more inclined to the second school of thought. But the first is correct too - as long as one's basics are sound, then one should be all right.

...Honestly, God deserves more Faith to be put in Him. More than we could ever possibly give.


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Now playing: ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D - Complication
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Out for Blood

My choice in literature is simple: Give me a good mystery, preferably murder, and tell it in a good way. Bonus points if there are puzzles that have double meanings and have some reference rooted in history. (And I was not impressed by The Woman in White, although I lost sleep over the book because I couldn't put the book down owing to the sentiment running along the lines of "Good God, will you just end and release me from this torture?!")

But the current fad is - wait for it - vampires. Those blood-sucking undead with (close to) human faces and fangs that elongate when necessary.

And yes, while I do not see vampires as my cup of tea, allow me to say this: I want my vampire stories to have essence, at least one credible plotline, and characters that are fleshed out well and don't make me feel like I'm reading some self-fulfillment fantasies of an abysmal kind of writer who don't deserve to get her/his book published in the first place.

Do I need to mention the title, the so-called saga? I think not. Some people will be out for my blood...and as if I don't have enough social life at stake here...

Another confession: I have never read Bram Stoker's Dracula before. I do know a bit on the person he was based on - Vlad Tepes a.k.a. Vlad the Impaler, a sadistic prince from Romania who took pleasure in dining in his garden among his victims impaled on sticks, like a forest of bodies. The closest(?) vampire book that I read was Elizabeth Kostova's The Historian. I read that thick book in the dead of the night while my roommates were asleep, and I got goosebumps. But I did finish it after several months, and while the plot was relatively unremarkable and the writing occasionally deteriorated to mundane description of landscapes, at least the vampires there had no qualms about attacking people to achieve their ends. Did it feel like some sort of a history lesson? Yes, but at least it wasn't as bad as our secondary school syllabus.

And Vampire Knight just didn't strike a chord even after I gave it the three-episodes-trial. The humour fell flat, and some things were just too unbelievable to take seriously.

Despite my lack of affinity with the supernatural beings (be it fiction or in real life, let's pray it'll stay that way!), already I have two vampire-related stories to check out:

(1) Shiki
It's the most anticipated series for the summer season, and will be a long series at over 20 episodes. Hope it's not anything like Higurashi no Naku Koro ni, because that one I couldn't tolerate although it was deemed as one of the best horror series. Others deem it a must watch for those who liked Ghost Hound, a title which I've been wanting to see as well. Still, this will be only kept in view while I embark on an adventure that is the fifth year (gasp!) because I discovered with Durarara!! that it is more fun marathon-ing the episodes rather than wait weekly.

To be honest, the character design irks me somewhat. Does the pointy chin serve any purpose beyond aesthetics?

(2) Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
A new novel. Yes, Lincoln as in one of the past presidents of the US. Yes, he hunted vampires. Yes, it's a work of fiction.
...I'll just wait for a paperback version.

Yes, I am aware that I have better things to read. Thank God Durarara!! and Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood are over.

...Until some other anime comes along. And one is already upon me. Begone, temptation!


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Now playing: OneRepublic - Secrets
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Intermission #9

Less than half a week more until I step into campus as a fifth year student. And, as my instinct has correctly hinted for the past 2, 3 weeks...Obstetrics & Gynaecology would be one of the earlier postings I've to conquer. Turned out that O&G is the first one that comes my way. Of course, it appears that my attempt at optimism does nothing to quell this state of unrest.

Oh dear.

*Cringe*

Massive writer's block. It's killing the words in my brain and muting my tongue. Maybe it's because of some bad writing that masquerades as literature when it's actually nothing more than a pile of endless drivel that deserves the paper-shredding machine treatment, then thrown into some toxic cesspool far away from human civilisation.

This issue of postings and fifth year stuff needs to be carefully digested before I can get myself back together.

Note to roommate: If you ever, in this academic year, catch me banging my head against a wall or engaging in other acts that endangers my well-being and makes you question the state of my sanity, feel free to intervene for the greater good. Thank you.


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Now playing: Oasis - Falling Down
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P/s: I need to find another spot in the Net to hang out in. Lately the issues are about races and stuff, and that doesn't make yours truly one happy camper. Thank God there's still some voice of reason in this world.