Ureshii

Would you know true happiness if it were staring right at you in the face? If it manifests itself as bubbles and sparkles all around you, accompanied by the sensation of walking on air?

Would it be true happiness if it were temporary, like a fleeting petal that later on falls to the ground, eventually covered in dirt and grimes?

Is it felt as a sense of fulfillment, a sense of achievement?

Or is it the assurance that there will always be something - or someone - to fall back to, when everything else fails?

Current Music: Apologize - Kris Allen (cover)

On that Intangibly Thin Ice

One example of the things that have been bothering me since we started our Introduction to Psychiatry, is how the range of normality can be all too microscopic.

Too happy, you're labelled as a manic. Too depressed, they'll be diagnosing you as having major depressive disorder. Too crazy, you're deemed psychotic (God Forbid!) and you'll be strapped tightly and will be on your merry way to the nearest psychiatric ward, free of charge. Not crazy enough, and they'll give you "neurosis" or some other disorders.
Because we are human beings, generally speaking, our emotions and moods fluctuate. Fluctuate too much, we'll get cyclothymia. Swing too far into both of the extremes, that's bipolar. Zero emotions? Blunting or flattening of mood.

Roughly two years ago, I'd admit without a second thought that I absolutely adore Psychology. Ask me now, and I'm not sure if I can say that I like Psychiatry with much fervour anymore.

Maybe it's because I simply prefer learning the theories in the pre-clinical years than the practical aspect we're made to perform starting our third year in med school.

Maybe it's the fear of seeing psychiatric patients in the flesh and standing within their reach. Maybe it's the tons of different criteria to remember for different disorders and diseases. Maybe it's how things may, at times, appear to be far too subjective for one to derive proper diagnoses and conclusions. Maybe it's the discomfort of knowing that the lecturers in the department might be picking up some personal quirks and finding them rather suggestive of certain disorders, and then arranging some psychiatric help before one could become aware much less protest against.

...Or, maybe, it's the utter devastation of knowing that there is some probability of falling headfirst into the dark and endless chasm of instability, knowing how close one is to the edge, what with a myriad of unhealthy and possibly disturbing notions already toying with one's mind and bent on crushing one's self-control.

Current Music: Battlefield - Jordin Sparks

Lost

They always say never to take things for granted.

There is something so unforgivable when one is unable to correct a pattern that one has found to be utterly incongruous, utterly destructive to one's own being.

Here's the typical cycle; Owing to the oh-too-persuasive nature of marketing, we are tempted only too easily to own what may not be anywhere in our list of necessary items to purchase. Since - to some selected people - money is not too much of an issue, or that the item itself overshadows whatever doubts that we might have at first, we go ahead, denying the little voice in our head that reminds us that there is no turning back, and we happily go home with our newly purchased thing.

So at first our enthusiasm level towards it runs high. We gaze lovingly at it, we utilise it during each opportunity that comes by, we truly appreciate and treasure it for what it is.

Then the turning point comes right at us.

We start taking it easy. We become swayed in that we turn twice to look at newer things that, in essence, is similar to one already in our possession, although the former is more advanced. I guess it's akin to infidelity. Still, we start to yearn for the new.

As we continue our daily lives, there would be days when things go wrong in all sorts of ways. And when we least expected it, in a split second, a minor slip up leads to a disastrous consequence.

We turn and words fail us when the truth has hit us hard.

Desperate for things to return to how they once were, we try to resuscitate the poor belonging, hoping against hope, praying for that sliver of hope to shine through, for it to survive. Maybe a promise of never ever discarding it crosses our hearts. And regret tears away our conscience, our placid air.

It tries to break away from the web of death, but it's a little too late - no matter how we see it, it's already as good as gone.

...But we hold on to our self-control, our faith. Because God has great plans, and He Knows all. He has decided that it was time for it to leave you. Whether He will replace it with a better candidate, that remains to be proven.

He always has His reasons, and we always have our excuses. We are in a constant need to remember Him, and that He continuously tries our faith in Him. It is, after all, His Right upon us.

Farewell, mon cher. Thou hast served us well, and I could only offer you my utmost apologies for being such an ignoramus.

Current Music: mind as Judgment (TV Ver.) - Faylan

P/s: *insert appropriate background music* I'm in despair! The tendency to assume things has left me in despair! *cringe*

P/p/s: *longing gaze at HTC* *sigh*

ABCDEFG

The 7 alphabets stand for:(A & Abuse) + Bowling + (Camera & Chill out) + Dinner + Eating + Friends + Gifts.

Otherwise known in its longer title: "The Day Group A Chills Out by playing Bowling, Eating Dinner and Exchanging Gifts like Friends do, and Renji gets Abused amidst it all (but what else is a Camera expected to do?)"

July 14th, Tuesday. 5.00pm at the bowling lanes...

Before the ball starts rolling and the pins fall...


...And after the battle.


...and at 8.00pm, at Tanjung Lumpur.

Our 4-member-Parliament in session (although Nazhiyah was MIA i.e. attending a meeting). This time around, the agenda was only to eat...no issues to be discussed. Alas(?).

Your two faithful morning talk show hosts, who talk about almost anything from history, politics, flags to ice creams...only, the discussions took place during the morning drive to the hospital.

Group A2 of Surgical Posting, who suffered together during long and short cases, through thick and thin. Absent: Iman & Awis.

The ladies of the Group. Absent: Iman, Nazhiyah, Lyana & Solehah. For some reason the pictures of the guys didn't turn up so well...

More pictures in others' and my albums in our respective Facebook pages.

So ends a wondrous year. I suppose we all managed to get along in the end, despite the occasional thunderstorms and bickerings. But that's life for you.

...A nice change of mood from all the rants that this blog is so full of, I must admit.

Current Music: Natsukoi - SID

Reversals and Regressions

I have not been updating lately because – in addition to the Internet connection being a real pain since five days ago - I have been somewhat at a loss for words.

The reason? I was - and still am - appalled with the state of things as they are right now.

Most may say that I am keen about politics. That I like politics. On the contrary, it's the complete opposite; I abhor the system, the over-the-top controversies and allegations, the politicians' stupid antics and the dumb decisions that they make.

Yes, I am referring to their unthinkable decision of reverting to the mother tongue for the teachings of Science and Mathematics. The main argument for the verdict is that the rural students were too far left behind in their achievements compared to their urban counterpart, attributed to the former's lack of proficiency in English.

I dare not deny that. But what irked me was that the government screwed up big time 6 years ago when they got over-excited about the idea, and when things did not turn out the way they had planned, they have the unmitigated gall of committing a graver mistake of going back - which brings us as a nation backwards. And they owe their guinea pigs an apology.

I vaguely remember that the issue of doing it in English 6 years ago stemmed at a time when there was another hot issue going on. I suspect that it was to diverge the attention of the people from the latter - although what it was exactly escapes me at the moment. Of course, of that I may be wrong, perhaps there was no rival issue, but the truth remains - the Malays get over-excited too easily, and that everything is politically motivated.

[Not too off-topic] I don't care about this 1Malaysia the PM is trying to pull. I'll just keep quiet about it and see if it ever produces a positive outcome. I guess every PM needs to have a 'project' that is their trademark; Tun Dr. M has his Vision 2020 (...) amongst other things in the span of 22 years he helmed the PM seat, Tun Pak Lah his Islam Hadhari (*grimaces*), and so Najib just followed suit (*gags*).[/Not too off-topic]

*Facepalm*

The fact that English is the main language in which knowledge is disseminated in cannot be refuted. As much as some people may hate to admit it, nobody can deny that the latest discoveries and advancements are mostly from the English-speaking (primarily or secondarily) Westerners. Sure, one may erupt into an angry tirade of "going back to the glory during the old Islamic civilisation", but please, I beg of thee - be realistic. The Malays can't proclaim our own language as the lingua franca of the present time - and as long as we are less worthy, falling out of the competition owing to our own delay in acquiring, implementing or developing whatever knowledge already known to man, who are we to insist for such privilege? Note that this point clearly cancels out the Japan-is-technology-savvy-but-they-still-speak-zero-English argument; If the Malays - or Malaysians as a whole - are capable of half the competitive edge the Japanese are dishing out, then we can start teaching the two subjects in Malay.

The crux of the problem, in addition to the Malays' tak apa attitude and knee-jerk reactions, which the government totally overlooked back then, was that the state of English was sub-par at best, and abysmal at worst. The Ministry of Education should have first assessed whether the nation was ready for the 180° of change, and if it wasn't, the students and teachers alike - in short, the learning environment - should have been carefully and ingeniously steered towards an English-savvy one. Without the evaluation, it's like forcing a crawling toddler to sprint.
And I'm not just talking about the courses the teachers had to attend, because there's more to changing an education system than courses. Was the English syllabus reviewed and revamped? Were the teachers convinced and capable of performing up to the task? Were the students open to the idea of embracing a foreign language - one deemed as coming from "those greedy, unjust conquerers of yore" - and making it part of their communications, part of their lives?

It was all done wrong. While the aim was clearly praiseworthy, the execution was anything but.

What's the implication of the recent reversal? Now the Malays will never see how important English is. They'll be misled with the notion that they'll be safe now that it's back in Malay, so why bother with English? In the meantime, while they are lulled into a false sense of security, the Chinese and Indians will continue striving in their English - because they generally speak more English than the Malays do. The result? The Malays will be left several decades behind, that nothing more can be done. That's when things get really ugly, when the so-called bumiputera, the natives are doomed on their own soils, in their own country.

All because of their stubborn ego, and refusal to change their ways despite been proven inadequate.

Personally, in regards to my own history as a student, I didn't have much of a problem - which might make my view on the matter as over-simplistic or biased, even. I was taught in Malay in both primary and secondary school years, then in English during matriculation, and even until now when I am a university student. The shift was not too troublesome because, coming from an urban background and a family that recognises the importance of English itself as well as a school that glorifies the language, Science and Maths were not too alien-sounding to me in English. Sure, we joked with the literal translations all the time, but in the end, we were taught of what we should know - in Malay. When the government announced they were switching the medium of teaching, at a time when our batch was left out of the change, I was jealous.

And when we entered matrics, everyone knew that to have poor command of English is equivalent to being handicapped. Regrets set in. What good is there when our brains are full of brilliant ideas and great knowledge, and yet when we open our mouths, our speech appears disjointed and meek, and we speak no more eloquently and intelligently than a three year old?

The government should have just retained PPSMI, and complement it with English-enhancing plans. It'll probably save the country from a big hole in their budget.

...Although, I question if the huge amount of money they planned to use to improve the English syllabus and methods of teaching - [EDIT]RM6 million, was it? RM4-6 billion, according to 'Izzah [/EDIT] - would be enough to bring a paradigm shift into the Malay thinking and attitudes.

Current Music: I Hate This Part Right Here - PCD

P/s: There’ll be a short continuation pertaining to this later on, most probably with the heading of “(Malaysian) Politicians Say the Darnest Things Ever”…an example of which almost makes Sarah Palin sound smarter. Almost.

P/p/s: I actually finished a comic strip for this, but because the connection is not being cooperative in any sense of the word, it will have to wait. Just keep an eye for any updates in my other blog, if you're interested. Hee.

Of Questions & Answers

One way of seeing it, there are two types of questions: Those that seek answers, and those that do not. The latter is called as a rhetorical question.

Rhetorics serve to bring an intended ambience as the background of one's speech. Used awfully a lot in (political) speeches and debates, they ask the painfully obvious - such as "Do we want to see the day our own children live in fear?" or "Do we need another wave of corruptions seeded by Mr. So-and-so?" - and the audience, depending on their level of enthusiasm and consciousness, may feel compelled to shout or mumble out their answers.

Rhetorical questions remind the speaker and the listener that the communication is, in fact, two-ways. Thus the listener's attention is returned to the topic at hand if s/he happened to be straying, and the speaker gets a false feeling that he is not talking to himself and that his listener is still with him.

Continuing on. There are, generally speaking, three types of answers - the correct, the wrong, and the inbetween ('coz life isn't always black and white).

...So what do you say - or expected to say - in response to a rhetorical question that is meant to lighten up the mood? Would you go with a straight "yes" or "no" answer (regardless of your knowledge on the matter) or an inbetween answer?

...I hope to God I didn't sound like a smart aleck in giving my two cents. I probably should have said something safer like "What is routinely done?" (although some people might get irked in getting another question instead of a proper answer...).

...I hope she's not suffering too much because of what I had suggested.

...I _think_ he was not offended.

...I _really_ need to concentrate on the happy bits instead of lamenting too much on the hiccups, which possibly could be nothing at all.

*Headdesk*

Current Music: Kimi ni Negai wo - Miyavi

P/s: Gosh, starting Year 4 in Community Medicine? Ah, well, at least it's not Orthopedics... Hopefully it'll be a nice ride, under the surveillance and guidance of Mrs. Boss-dude, and I'll finally(?) be able to study like a good student should be...haha.

P/p/s: Photoshop = major headache. Why, oh, WHY!!??

Of Age, Language, and the Net

Saying things like "Age is finally catching up to me" would be terribly unbecoming at this point in my life.

At my age, I can't say that I've seen much of the world. And yet, no thanks to the media, we probably have seen and heard quite a lot - including those that we'd rather not know of (useless stock of data, anyone?). But because the Net allows me to focus on _what_ I'd rather dive into, and because my span of interest may not even cover my front lawn (i.e., not too much?), I can safely say that there remains a huge part of the world today and yesterday that I am oblivious to.

I've been meaning to check up on the Iranian election issues, but the bloodshed and violence rather deterred me. The local news provide nothing but absurdities that they're not even funny anymore. Influenza A(H1N1) continues to be one of the main headlines, that maybe dengue fever is no longer receiving the attention it deserves (competition!?). MJ's sudden departure and the accompanying loss to the world/music industry/insert-random-person's-life-here. And a bunch of other stuff...

On a more personal level, I've been frequenting a page that I used to visit around 4, 5 years ago. Sharing a common interest, I joined a community to fulfill my daily doses of my interests...and generally speaking, my stay is very rewarding. But upon reading the posts...well, some things send me frowning.

Before, it was simple smileys (now upgraded to be called "emoticons") that only required tilting one's head in an appropriate angle to make sense of what the writer wanted to convey. Over time it grew, to include huge smile with varying eye expressions (ranging from ":D" to "XD" and to the more extreme "XDDDDD" and the Japanese's "wwwww"). Then the eyes could get bigger ("8D") and...well, a bunch of other symbols followed...

There's the deliberate misspelling (an English teacher's nightmare?). "The" effortlessly becomes "teh", "owned" becomes "pwned". Not forgetting a handful of Internet terms that may rival Latin: phrases like "for the win", "leet", "trollz"...and the list goes on.

But the problem lies in the abbreviations.

The typical "LOL", "IMO", "BRB" and "OMG" were easy to begin with. Then four-lettered abbreviations like "TYVM", "IMAO", "ROFL"...and at the same time, three-lettered continued to grow. Notwithstanding, five and more also appeared faster than you can say "ZOMGpwnage!!! IDKWTHbtAFAIKTMIOHNOES!!!".

...Cough.

The above were not too bad because there could be references like this one somewhere in the corner of the Net. Imagine my surprise when I came across things that my brain could never recognise much less regard as logical in any sense of the word, such as "sfhjgsasj", "dkjfg", "DKJSLJF", "fna;dsfknsdf;;nfds!"...

...My first interpretation of such string of letters is that the writer, amidst her/his uber-excitement, lost control over her/his fingers and continued to type something that is not internationally known/identified as English...
That, or something fell and rolled over the keyboard.

Sigh.

Maybe I _am_ getting too old for the Net. I don't understand what the younger generation says anymore. Communication failure, ka?

TBC in a different title, most likely. Because I still need to properly understand what "kink meme" actually means, although I _suppose_ I already got the general idea of what "meme" is supposed to be...

Current Music: Itoshiki Nozomu - Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei OST

P/s: God, I need to re-study my Photoshop. What good is there when [ADVERTISEMENT] I've finished a comic strip for ][ impetus ][ but I can't get the dialogue bubbles to work properly? Still, I'll try to get it to work and post the thingy by Friday before the story runs stale, despite my preoccupation with some other stuff...Tsk. [/ADVERTISEMENT]