Intermission #47

1. It's like everything is telling me to leave this damned hospital.

Never mind that I might not be adequately equipped in terms of knowledge, skills or clinical judgment. Never mind that I'm leaving friends behind. Never mind that I'm stepping into unfamiliar grounds.

I just feel in my heart - with great conviction! - that this is not a place for me. I can't, for the life of me, see myself developing properly if I remain in this backwater place.

It's like all departments are hostile towards each other. There is no respect, no trust.

Let's not even get me started on how ancient the infrastructure, the facilities are.

And the mindset. Oh, God, let's not even go there!

Dear God, save me, for I am powerless to save myself.

2. Now that the elections are over, can we just move on?

So BN retains the government seat. Did they really cheat? Only God Knows. But they can't afford to be complacent anymore.

All I know is, I'm sick of racial politics, regardless of which side incited it. I'm sick of opening my FB newsfeed and seeing hate and accusations, back to back.

Everybody needs "UBAH". And I mean it as change for the better, no matter what your political ideologies or worldview.

...I don't know what to believe in anymore. It's easier to give up than to constantly seek for the truth, in today's graying world, where authenticity is difficult to ascertain, despite the many sources of information available at our disposal. Such irony!

How do you seek the truth when there is slander all around, when people deal in lies, and people act more emotionally than rationally?

Is ignorance bliss? I'm starting to think so.

So please, let's just put all this conflict aside. Stop acting childish. Man up and stop being such a sore loser. Remember that the helm of governance is actually an amanah, and God will question you in the Afterlife.

...And for God's sake, clean up all the flags and banners. They're an eyesore already!

Current Music: Taking Over Me - Lawson

Intermission #21

It is part of the Mercy of Allah that thou dost deal gently with them Wert thou severe or harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about thee: so pass over (Their faults), and ask for ((Allah)'s) forgiveness for them; and consult them in affairs (of moment). Then, when thou hast Taken a decision put thy trust in Allah. For Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him). (3:159)
If Allah helps you, none can overcome you: If He forsakes you, who is there, after that, that can help you? in Allah, then, Let believers put their trust. (3:160)

1. I like to think that one of my fortes is sarcasm (Not exactly something worth bragging about, I agree...). Maybe it's just my way of letting it out without employing a loud tone of voice, but while I have many opportunities to put this into practice, I rarely do, for fear of:

• sounding like an arrogant know-it-all (...)
• accused of being rude (...some people tend to accuse more easily than the general population...)
• the listener not understanding the sarcasm, which kind of defeats the purpose. Dang.

Or, maybe, it's just my style of humour - which people don't always get, which sort of results in my unwillingness to mix around much. That, and that catering to people exhausts me greatly.
(On a somewhat unrelated note - I'm starting to think that 'humour' as an ego defense mechanism should not be put as a mature defense mechanism. It belittles the gravity of the situation - isn't that akin to denial itself?! And some people push the jokes a bit too far...it starts to get irritating. And offensive.)
Perhaps I should start becoming more silent. That way people may not misunderstand me much, it reduces the risk of inadvertently offending anyone else - and it probably helps in that what I say rarely bears any impact anyhow.
...Thank God for blogs though.

2. "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves" ~ Carl Gustav Jung.

If I appear to be colder and more labile these days, I apologise. It dawned on me that with some people it gets more difficult to tolerate them and their antics...and so I might have accidentally 'displaced' any displeasure I have towards them on some other poor innocent souls.
Or...it could be the stress. Now with regards to the time, one can only say "OMG Final Pro is just next month, OMG!!".

3. Avicenna's keyboard is acting up. The cursor appears in odd places and starts to insert the text I'm typing into other words. What the flipping heck, Apple!
Yeah. Time for a new laptop. A MacBook, no less. Sigh.

4. The manga Meitantei Conan is finally back on track - somewhat. It's about time too! Besides, I need more Okiya!

5. "The world is a crazy place. And sometimes that craziness infects us. Sometimes it makes us a little crazy too" ~ Anonymous (snagged from Tumblr)

I'm the kind who is in tune with my psyche and aims to achieve harmony with my surroundings. But with the...turbulent state of things, I can safely say that it's nigh impossible to achieve this task.
The heart can only take so much before breaking. Maybe because it's never meant to take up too much burden. But with the Internet, with the information overload (useless and useful data notwithstanding), it seems that ignorance is bliss after all, when applied correctly...

Maybe I should move away to someplace else, where people can act more rationally instead of just resorting to the excuse of "other people hexing others using supernatural means"...and the delusion that just because one has Google or the Internet in your laptop/computer/iPhone/PDA/tablet, you're as good as a specialist in that area.

...I wonder if such a place actually exists, or is it just an idealist's unattainable Utopia?

Current Music: Redemption - Gackt Camui

Overload

"The only dream worth having, I told her, is to dream that you will live while you're alive and die only when you're dead. [Which means:] To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget." - Arundhati Roy

It's getting uglier. So ugly it's repulsive, it's blasphemy.

What on God's Earth is wrong with...every single thing!? Why are utter morons holding the strings, the baton to the orchestra? Why can't some people just act their age already?

Why is it that most people appear so selfish it's just so inhumane? (...Myself notwithstanding? Really? Oh dear...) I used to think that the only thing that is limitless in a person is his or her dreams - perhaps now I may add 'ego' to that list?

Why do people no longer respond to kindness with kindness too? Why is it that people's good will gets manipulated out of context only too easily? Why is it that lies always seem to prevail over truth? Why does it feel as if our lives are being controlled by capitalists and corruption?

Is everything a mere fabrication, a veil to blind?

Is this how humanity spirals down to destruction? Are we already in the final chapter, or are things just getting started?

One thing I'm quite certain of - I'm so sick of all this bull.

Current Music: What The Hell - Avril Lavigne

Smoky Grey

I have other obligations to see to, but this entry insists that I get down to it before I attend to other more pressing matters.

Things were relatively simple in the old days. We only had a problem of quantity - namely, the amount of information that we get. Now? It's not so much on the amount - unless some narrow-minded imbeciles decide that excessive-but-badly-misplaced censoring, restricted-and/or-fabricated-journalism *cough*mainstreammedia*cough*, and highly offensive blogs are the keys to successful rule and maintaining influence - but it's the quality that we should worry about.

Academically speaking, there're textbooks and journals and other literature. Some people frown upon simple search engines or online encyclopedia e.g. Wikipedia, eMedicine, and even Google (not Google Scholar, mind you). And that's just the serious issues.

Of course there are the unnecessary piece of information that we possibly could do without. The problem is to some, these information are their bread and butter, their daily requirement.

Now's not a problem of lack of information. Rather, it's the over-abundant and ambiguous information. If people in the past used to have to travel far and wide to seek for a teacher, now we're stuck having to confirm every bits and pieces of whatever data we have managed to procure so far before we can say anything.

One good thing about the Net is that everyone can contribute. The downside? Everyone can contribute whatever rubbish they have to say, if they feel like it.

And don't even get me started with the newspapers. I'm starting to think that the only worthwhile page in the paper would be the comics section.

I once advised a patient not to read the newspapers. Reason? She was hypertensive and I said (joked?) that reading tragic and gruesome news wouldn't exactly be safe for the heart. But yeah, we must know about other occurrences elsewhere - if only to realise that the world today is not as safe as we'd like to think.

Anyhow, the idea is this - the world, through my eyes, has never been more grey. I can't see the demarcation, and I only find out that I've transgressed the limits that the general public had dictated only after the act.

To some, reasons sound like excuses. Humility like stupidity, and over-confidence as an over-inflated ego.

We believe what we want to believe, most of the time. Blinded by prejudice won't really help improve things.

I want to believe that there is light at the end of this long, shadowy tunnel...but my torchlight's running out of battery and my limbs out of energy. The mind has started to take over, materialising evil trolls that appear to multiply in number.

I do wish I have a bazooka to shoot down all the stigma though. Only, I might end up blowing other things as well - like the foundation of the tunnel, which in the end would only bury me in too deep...

...where there will be no air, no light.

...No salvation.


Current Music: Show Me What I'm Looking for - Carolina Liars

Where Between the Two Extremes?

Alternative title: When advertisements get me thinking - seriously.

I rarely watch television. There's a wider selection of watchable, readable materials available online and searching the WWW beats browsing the television schedule or waiting for your show to air.

Also, advertisements. Pop-ups are more annoying than television ads I suppose, but I pay more attention to the latter - which really isn't saying much though - and few of them are actually capable to force some sort of a thinking hat on my head. Take, for instance, a certain Mountain Dew ad.

Notice that tiny caption at the lower right corner? It took my third scrutiny to figure what it says. First time: I caught sight of the action onscreen and turned away. Second: the stunts sent me thinking, 'Wait, aren't they supposed to warn the public not to reproduce such dangerous acts?' Third: 'Oh, wait, they actually did...'
Fourth, after hearing my companion's remark that the advertisement portrayed the stunt in a light that could mislead the viewer that one could get away with only minor injuries, my thoughts then retorted that some people could be overestimating themselves in terms of their professional abilities. My other companion, on the other hand, said that those stunts were probably fabricated by means of graphic programs and such.

Imagine, for instance, if someone didn't notice the warning. Or, the size of the font was not strong enough to leave an impression that those death-defying acts are more of pure lunacy instead of one heroic display?

To some, the two might be one and the same. Not in this case, it isn't.

Compare the Mountain Dew ad to that of Ridsect. Usually the ad would begin with 'Attention, this is a mosquito insecticide advertisement' done in huge white fonts with a black background, then the scene would shift to someone being harassed by those noisy flying nuisance. Until now I don't see why the warning is necessary - there are mosquitoes, mosquitoes terrorising a household, mosquitoes getting doused by the spray administered by one who doesn't really need to be a sharpshooter, mosquitoes falling down, murdered in the name of protecting one's loved ones. Yup, pretty straightforward piece of message there, folks.

In life sometimes our attention is diverted elsewhere, to things that are more intriguing, fascinating and...profitable. For instance, the prospect of accumulating more money is more appealing to the general public than of donating a substantial amount to charity. Or, in simpler examples, movies that feature out-of-this-world CG animations or beautiful airheads who cannot act to save their lives to cover for shallow stories that have otherwise very little to sell. (I'm thinking of Avatar here...and those numerous shows/events that rely on scantily clad women - even men too, come to think of it - that gladly allow themselves to be degraded to mere objectification of sex...)

That's the sign that the End - be it the world's or our own wellbeing, our morality - is approaching, fast.

Back to the ads. What does it take to hold your attention? Would it be one that is small in comparison to the bigger (and more constant) picture? Or a message that is simple, clear enough but temporary?

I myself couldn't give a definite answer. I do appreciate subtlety and metaphors, but I know that the dangers of being swept away by those aesthetics are very much real in my case. And, as anyone could tell, the nature of my blog itself - imbued with double meanings, imageries and, at other times, overshadowed by obscurities - shows that I view writing as an art in which effort is a rule. For me, finishing much less looking for fictional novels can be a tedious task to bask in!

But those wake-up calls are needed too. It's like an alarm clock that rescues you from those nightmares that tease your imminent rise from bed.

In life's lessons, perhaps simplicity would drive the point home; even so our lack of memory may eventually make a detour to other if not similar mistakes. Art, meanwhile, celebrates the glorious marriage of stark simplicity and knotty intricacies. But in dealing with people - who themselves, for better or for worse, are a motley bunch with individual quirks and touchiness - there're no hard and fast rules.

...Ah, such is the world we live in. Otherwise we'd be long dead bored from uniformity and predictability, and offended by bluntness; or utterly confused by dubiety, put off by complexities, and hypertensive from all the stress of trying to make sense of things that twist our logic.


Current Music: Falling Down - Oasis

P/s: Not affiliated with the brands mentioned above. Merely used them to prove a point...

Twisted Out of Context

1. ENT Viva went relatively well although my instincts failed in their attempt in anticipation. Had a safe drive back to own hometown. I am home. The Internet connection is restored. It rained (OH YES GOD THANK YOU!). Went shopping for a few things. Managed to catch up with a few things that I had neglected (although not the rest).
In summary: Bliss. Thank God.

2. I admit that I am rather behind in my general knowledge as to what on Earth has besieged the country as we speak. The papers I barely read - merely flipping through the headlines and choosing only those that would not enrage me or challenge my principles - and the Net...the webpages I go to have not been updated much.
...Excuses. Frankly, I'm just so tired of all the drama.
It's rare that my father would invite me to a discussion - more like an educational commentary, really - when it comes to certain TV shows. Then again, he usually would watch forums and stuff, while I'd rather retire to my own corner in the house and sink into my thoughts or surf the Net for my own brand of viewing pleasure. But such a rare occurrence actually materialised today, thanks to a forum that seemed to discuss about the government's policy of making 30% of every sector to comprise of the fairer sex.
I may be a feminist to some point, being part of the species, but I am still in doubt whether the government can actually pull this off.
It's not unusual if they suddenly withdrew the idea some time in the future after the damage has been done *cough*PTS*cough*PPSMI*cough*...
Whatever it is, I'm watching from afar...

3. I'm sorry, but I couldn't care less if anybody managed to get him/herself photographed with Najib. I'm no rabid fan of his, so how about trying something else instead?

4. There are some things that continue to plague our thoughts no matter how hard we push them out.
...Looks like I've to try harder. Nonetheless, knowing what to defeat is barely half the battle.

5. I'm going to miss ENT. Even more than Dermato...Oh my. I wonder what awaits in Opthalmo...

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Now playing: Savage Garden - Crash And Burn
via FoxyTunes

Erraticism

One of the rare posts - if not the only one - which will not totally be in English.

1. An excerpt from one of the many irrelevant conversations us students committed ourselves to in the OT when our attention waned from the operation that was going on...

Boss-dude: Teruk tak? Dah nak last minute baru nak insaf (nak study)...
Me: Okay la tu. At least tak macam my case...
Boss-dude: Ibarat satu elektron dalam lautan luas?
Me: Oh, tidak...keinsafanku ibarat lampu kelip-kelip, yang akhirnya langsung tak memberikan cahaya yang secukupnya...

OMG Boss-dude, I know the above conversation is not too similar to our real life conversation, but I guess it'll do for the sake of clarity...

2. ENT. Awesomeness. Enough said. Although anatomy still hates me with passion...Sigh.

3. Clash of the Titans OST. I approve! It's totally worth it.

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Now playing: One Republic - Say (All I Need)
via FoxyTunes

Compilations #4

1. Raya is laborious for me. I believe I mentioned before how I can't really stomach nasi impit, but today I discovered that even finishing one ketupat takes, well, guts (pun intended). As for lemang, the most I could finish was _two_ slices. God, I can't even tolerate the staple food of this country...and yet I would gladly finish the rice they use in sushi rolls...Sigh.

2. Perhaps the issue of nasi impit-lemang-ketupat "intolerance" is also attributed to the side dishes...

3. Thank God, tomorrow has no long trips in store for us.

4. If only I could get down to drawing already. Letting these so-called ideas floating around in my mind doesn't seem to allow me to focus on more important things...

5. Is it okay if I just let the notifications in my FB pile up, since I'm too lazy to log in and stuff? I mean, I met an old schoolmate by chance this morning, and although she's in my FB friends list, I can't remember much about her aside from her face, her name and how she was in school back in those days!? Granted, it is partly my fault for not keeping up to date...Oh, well...

6. Am craving Subway's sandwich. Argh.

Current Music: again - Yui

Of Age, Language, and the Net

Saying things like "Age is finally catching up to me" would be terribly unbecoming at this point in my life.

At my age, I can't say that I've seen much of the world. And yet, no thanks to the media, we probably have seen and heard quite a lot - including those that we'd rather not know of (useless stock of data, anyone?). But because the Net allows me to focus on _what_ I'd rather dive into, and because my span of interest may not even cover my front lawn (i.e., not too much?), I can safely say that there remains a huge part of the world today and yesterday that I am oblivious to.

I've been meaning to check up on the Iranian election issues, but the bloodshed and violence rather deterred me. The local news provide nothing but absurdities that they're not even funny anymore. Influenza A(H1N1) continues to be one of the main headlines, that maybe dengue fever is no longer receiving the attention it deserves (competition!?). MJ's sudden departure and the accompanying loss to the world/music industry/insert-random-person's-life-here. And a bunch of other stuff...

On a more personal level, I've been frequenting a page that I used to visit around 4, 5 years ago. Sharing a common interest, I joined a community to fulfill my daily doses of my interests...and generally speaking, my stay is very rewarding. But upon reading the posts...well, some things send me frowning.

Before, it was simple smileys (now upgraded to be called "emoticons") that only required tilting one's head in an appropriate angle to make sense of what the writer wanted to convey. Over time it grew, to include huge smile with varying eye expressions (ranging from ":D" to "XD" and to the more extreme "XDDDDD" and the Japanese's "wwwww"). Then the eyes could get bigger ("8D") and...well, a bunch of other symbols followed...

There's the deliberate misspelling (an English teacher's nightmare?). "The" effortlessly becomes "teh", "owned" becomes "pwned". Not forgetting a handful of Internet terms that may rival Latin: phrases like "for the win", "leet", "trollz"...and the list goes on.

But the problem lies in the abbreviations.

The typical "LOL", "IMO", "BRB" and "OMG" were easy to begin with. Then four-lettered abbreviations like "TYVM", "IMAO", "ROFL"...and at the same time, three-lettered continued to grow. Notwithstanding, five and more also appeared faster than you can say "ZOMGpwnage!!! IDKWTHbtAFAIKTMIOHNOES!!!".

...Cough.

The above were not too bad because there could be references like this one somewhere in the corner of the Net. Imagine my surprise when I came across things that my brain could never recognise much less regard as logical in any sense of the word, such as "sfhjgsasj", "dkjfg", "DKJSLJF", "fna;dsfknsdf;;nfds!"...

...My first interpretation of such string of letters is that the writer, amidst her/his uber-excitement, lost control over her/his fingers and continued to type something that is not internationally known/identified as English...
That, or something fell and rolled over the keyboard.

Sigh.

Maybe I _am_ getting too old for the Net. I don't understand what the younger generation says anymore. Communication failure, ka?

TBC in a different title, most likely. Because I still need to properly understand what "kink meme" actually means, although I _suppose_ I already got the general idea of what "meme" is supposed to be...

Current Music: Itoshiki Nozomu - Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei OST

P/s: God, I need to re-study my Photoshop. What good is there when [ADVERTISEMENT] I've finished a comic strip for ][ impetus ][ but I can't get the dialogue bubbles to work properly? Still, I'll try to get it to work and post the thingy by Friday before the story runs stale, despite my preoccupation with some other stuff...Tsk. [/ADVERTISEMENT]

Numbers + Life's Story = Age

Maybe this post is a bit too early. Usually the discussion pertaining to one's age only comes hounding when it's either your own birthday, noticing your first wrinkle (which sticks out like a sore thumb!), when asked about it, sudden affliction or exacerbation of it, or even while you're filling the 'Age' column in any forms, official or not. The above situations don't apply to those who are conscious about their age/looks/self 24-7 though...

Psychology and Psychiatry books would say that certain age ranges are defined by certain characteristics. My memory on the subject is cloudy, but basically, young adults (teenagers included) are more prone to get involved in riskier activities, adults strive to perform in their career, and the senior citizens...well, they think of the next stage.

I was thinking more along the lines of how the Internet can reveal quite a lot in terms of one's age. I remember when I was younger - 10 or 11, was it? - when I welcomed the Internet with as much enthusiasm as I would in answering the postman at my front gate: Indifferent (because I rarely get mails). At the time, I had a superb encyclopedia in my computer - I cringe because I can't recall its name now! To think I loved it so much - and I was sufficiently contend with it that I ignored the Internet like it's just another mousepad on my desktop. My parents asked me why I did not bother much with Netscape...and I foolishly answered that it was troublesome to memorise the webpage address (I was a kid!).

Eventually I grew to embrace it, little by little. And when the ever-abundant amount of data is just a click away and the discovery of mp3's take me out of my shadows, my love for the Net was cemented.

Computers are more than just the Internet. Printing is now as natural as writing on paper, and gone are the days of typewriters. Just like how phones have evolved - imagine using the turn-a-dial telephone which involves waiting as the wheels return to its initial position after you dragged it to register a number, when all it takes to call someone up now is just pressing on keys...a valuable way to save time, wouldn't you agree? Of course, there are faster ways...your list of contacts in your mobile phones allows you to just select the person's name and voila! Soon you're listening to the tone while the other party answers you. (Oh, wait...now they have _caller ringtones_ that play music to keep you entertained if the person you're calling up is a bit late in answering - or hesitantly decide whether or not to answer you, or totally ignore your call, deliberately or no...)

So, in relation to how age is related to how one interacts with computers, I came up with these rough guidelines:
Kids - Games (and only games). There is also quite a considerable percentage who might be the destructive powers upon computers...In this age group, rarely do they use the Net as their main tool in productive aims unless forced to.
Teens - Socialising is the (if not the only) keyword. Friendster, Facebook, MySpace, hi5, Twitter. Next in line come interests, stalking and school/college assignments. (Remember, plagiarism is bad!)
Adults - Socialising, work and interests, in any order. And, Heaven forbid, crime in terms of those who are criminal-minded!
Seniors - Keeping in touch with relatives and peers.

Case in point; My youngest brother is stuck doing his folio for school, but he handles Microsoft Word so poorly I had to fight an urge to slam my forehead on the desk. That's what happens when you use the computer for gaming 99.9% of the time. The same goes with my other brother, who spends so much time playing his MMORPG, that my anime/mp3/OST/medical journals/etc downloads slow to a pitiful crawl.

The Net basically connects. It's the node that links you to variable things - from your old schoolmates, your favourite singer, cooking recipes, to odd people who do and post odd things on Youtube. And the world is heavily populated with people...that you start having to show yourself more. As in, sell yourself. Make yourself stand out among the rest. This is compounded by the inherent human tendency to stress more on self. Intrinsic _histrionic_ tendencies. Or ego, whichever applies.

That's how all the networking sites - Friendster, FB, Twitter, I'm looking at you - draw people toward them like bees to honey.

God Knows how I managed to get coerced into FB. My initial aim was to just know where my secondary school friends are now and how they are doing...but as to be expected, my number of friends grew to include my university peers too. And people I didn't know existed in real life. And was I surprised to find our _lecturers_ there too. Of course, nothing, and I _do_ mean _nothing_, beat the shock I had when I learnt that my father has an account there as well, gulp!

Twitter is another Internet phenomenon that I can never, for the life of me, understand. I did sign up for it, especially since Yanna has one as well _and_ she did invite me, but my account lasted for at most 4 days when I had to admit that 140 words just don't cut it for me. I need space, unlimited space. I need at least one blog entry if I _ever_ want to express something properly. So when my father asked me to set up an account for him, I had a weird look on that he seemed to...well, wonder a bit, I suppose. He still wanted it, so in the end I did set it up for him. I suppose it's rational for him to have it - he needs his updates the same way I need mine with my own anime hobbies.

Today's life is all about the spotlight. Making yourself news for the rest. Impinging on their to-know lists. Updating them even if the knowledge changes nothing, or if they're simply not interested. Expressing yourself in ways I never imagined possible (Youtube is a zone that I dare not wander too far in for this reason...).

...What on Earth am I saying? This blog is a form of expression too...but at least it doesn't involve...weird, out-of-this-world stuff. I think(?).

Continuation is guaranteed, with a catchier title next time, hopefully.

Current Music: Marukaite Chikyuu (Japan version) - Takahashi Hiroki

P/s: Why I was suddenly thinking about age? Because tomorrow is my sister's birthday, and I left her present all the way back in campus. *Headdesk*

P/p/s: The so-called guidelines I stated above? Accuracy is 100% questionable.

P/p/p/s: ...Wait, make that 85% questionable.

Intermission #2

Undeniably, one of the most obvious changes after the sixth Prime Minister came into power is that I seldom read the topics pertaining to the nation in the newspapers nowadays, be it The Star or Utusan. Personally I prefer the former, because it's in English *cough*andlessbiasedinperspective*cough*.

Anyway. For those who have not been up to date - i.e. less than yours truly have been - the present issue is still the teaching of science and mathematics in English and, now as an added bonus, the issue of making a pass in English compulsory to earn a pass in SPM as a whole.

But this entry is not to expound on why I would support or condemn the move, or why I am a proponent of the English language because I seriously need to settle my forsaken case write up before engaging in another futile rant which probably won't make an ounce of positive change in the country's future. Or my own, for that matter.

Out of sheer boredom, and equipped with a sense of dread and a prayer, I opened today's copy of Utusan - perhaps my second time of reading the newspaper this month alone, which probably isn't saying much. Naturally, I skipped the nonsensical political melee...but my eyes caught one particular heading. More accurately, it was the layout of the content that sparked my interest, because it had something _other_ than party A criticising/thrashing/damning party B. It had poetry.

I can appreciate some form of literature, but the general rule in my books is simple: "English>>>Malay". Don't start saying how unpatriotic I am to make this statement. It is simply my preference, just like how one prefers black to white, for example. So it's one of my basic human rights. Just like I can say how I suffered reading through Bukit Kepong and Konserto Terakhir in my late secondary school years...although frankly reading The Pearl was also a bore chore...

Ahem.

Here is a copy of the poem...and I'll pass commenting on how I feel about it, because my sentiments towards my own race has always been - and forever will be - ambivalent at best. That still doesn't cloud my judgment...that this poem still carries a great weight of truth.

MELAYU - Usman Awang

Melayu itu orang yang bijaksana
Nakalnya bersulam jenaka
Budi bahasanya tidak terkira
Kurang ajarnya tetap santun
Jika menipu pun masih bersopan
Bila mengampu bijak beralas tangan.

Melayu itu berani jika bersalah
Kecut takut kerana benar,
Janji simpan di perut
Selalu pecah di mulut,
Biar mati adat
Jangan mati anak.

Melayu di tanah Semenanjung luas maknanya:
Jawa itu Melayu, Bugis itu Melayu
Banjar juga disebut Melayu, Minangkabau
memang Melayu,
Keturunan Acheh adalah Melayu,
Jakun dan Sakai asli Melayu,
Arab dan Pakistani, semua Melayu
Mamak dan Malbari serap ke Melayu
Malah mua'alaf bertakrif Melayu
(Setelah disunat anunya itu)

Dalam sejarahnya
Melayu itu pengembara lautan
Melorongkan jalur sejarah zaman
Begitu luas daerah sempadan
Sayangnya kini segala kehilangan

Melayu itu kaya falsafahnya
Kias kata bidal pusaka
Akar budi bersulamkan daya
Gedung akal laut bicara

Malangnya Melayu itu kuat bersorak
Terlalu ghairah pesta temasya
Sedangkan kampung telah tergadai
Sawah sejalur tinggal sejengkal
tanah sebidang mudah terjual

Meski telah memiliki telaga
Tangan masih memegang tali
Sedang orang mencapai timba.
Berbuahlah pisang tiga kali
Melayu itu masih bermimpi

Walaupun sudah mengenal universiti
Masih berdagang di rumah sendiri.
Berkelahi cara Melayu
Menikam dengan pantun
Menyanggah dengan senyum
Marahnya dengan diam
Merendah bukan menyembah
Meninggi bukan melonjak.

Watak Melayu menolak permusuhan
Setia dan sabar tiada sempadan
Tapi jika marah tak nampak telinga
Musuh dicari ke lubang cacing
Tak dapat tanduk telinga dijinjing
Maruah dan agama dihina jangan
Hebat amuknya tak kenal lawan

Berdamai cara Melayu indah sekali
Silaturrahim hati yang murni
Maaf diungkap senantiasa bersahut
Tangan diulur sentiasa bersambut
Luka pun tidak lagi berparut

Baiknya hati Melayu itu tak terbandingkan
Selagi yang ada sanggup diberikan
Sehingga tercipta sebuah kiasan:
"Dagang lalu nasi ditanakkan
Suami pulang lapar tak makan
Kera di hutan disusu-susukan
Anak di pangkuan mati kebuluran"

Bagaimanakah Melayu abad dua puluh satu
Masihkan tunduk tersipu-sipu?
Jangan takut melanggar pantang
Jika pantang menghalang kemajuan;
Jangan segan menentang larangan
Jika yakin kepada kebenaran;
Jangan malu mengucapkan keyakinan
Jika percaya kepada keadilan.

Jadilah bangsa yang bijaksana
Memegang tali memegang timba
Memiliki ekonomi mencipta budaya
Menjadi tuan di negara Merdeka
Current Music: Don't Say Lazy - Hikasa Yoko

Lesson of the Day...With A Bit of History

...Never read numerous political articles in succession, despite the harmless air they seemed to have. The reason? I succumbed to a unilateral, throbbing headache around four hours later.

...Or, it could have been because I kept myself glued to the computer screen, watching anime (and enjoying it!) right after I was done with the magazine?

History serves another purpose other than teaching us what to avoid - Please don't remind me by saying that history is to instill a sense of patriotism, because it doesn't work on me even after all these years - and that is for us to poke fun at it, all in the name of good humour.

I'd love to quote a comment I found on Youtube about nationalisme, although I'm not sure if it's legal to quote it without permission (since I'm too lazy to ask, whee!); "Nationalism makes relative but not absolute gains". In other words, it's the power that pushes a nation forward, to succeed. As such, when there is a problem of "Self before the rest" in the name of one's country, there's no escaping the possibility of getting involved - or, rather, clashing - with another, especially when history is thrown in the mix. Because history is, essentially, something that has happened that thus, is beyond change. What can be done, instead, is to manipulate the interpretation of the entire story. It's a classic example of "There is only one history/truth, but many versions of it".

And because we won't be who, what and how we are today if it was not because of history, it's quite hard to blame history entirely for all it's worth. I don't know if you've noticed it before, but many major turning points in history involves tyrannical if not egoistical rulers, and plenty of bloodshed. We can rightfully say, "Oh, they lived in the age of ignorance! Like England's King Henry who couldn't bear a male successor, he wrongfully divorced his wife to marry another, and yet when the latter still gave him no son, he accused her of multiple adultery and had her beheaded! But we all know that the sex of the child is determined by whether or not Y chromosome is present, and that should be coming from the father!", but people back then did not know that. What was important to King Henry was that he needed a son. Likewise, Shi Huang Di of China did not care about the massive killings he had ordered just for him to expand his empire and for his Great Wall. Oh, and while we're at it, we must never forget about Hitler and his Holocaust, because now Israel is doing the same to Palestine. Justified terrorism, ka?

Shouldn't we be horrified that it's essentially the evil megalomaniacs who managed to change the course of the world?

So yes, history will continue to haunt us because as long as we allow the inherent selfishness within us to command ourselves, we're destined to repeat history. I suppose one may say it defines humans - that we fight for what we believe is right, and if it so happens that we think it's right if we strip away the right of others in the name of misplaced right of self, it's maddeningly unacceptable.

But amidst it all, there is often the wish to emerge as the "good guy" in every story. So, for argument's sake, a country that went on massive imperialisme, forcing every other country into submission would attempt to justify it. In history books, this is manifested as a clever series of wordplay, or by a simple case of "lies of omission".

Studying history with only the hard facts will be boring. Devoid of humanity? Perhaps. Difficult to remember? God, yes!

Let's not forget that we may be manipulated, in that our thoughts are orchestrated to follow a certain pattern. How we view the world is partly shaped by the media - namely, newspapers, television shows, history, and perhaps even by fictional works.

What do we do in this age of overflowing information? Well, for starters, we must not accept things unconditionally. Just because Politician A is criticising Politician B, it doesn't mean that Politician B is in the wrong. Remember that there is such a thing as the pot calling the kettle black.

Another thing is, that we must learn to question. Even question authority when time calls for it, and do it ethically. Perhaps the young standing up against the old may not be part of what they say "Eastern culture", but for the sake of a healthy debate for the greater good, I say "WHY NOT!?" There is no infallibility in human traits!

...I didn't expect this entry would be this long. I sense a comic strip coming along...if I feel like drawing one.

Oh, wait. Now I know why I had that god-awful headache. I've been thinking too much about things that won't be able to be changed in the near future.


Current Music: World is Mine - Hatsune Miku

P/s: Suddenly I am reminded of one of my favourite quotes, one by Peter Ustinov; "To arrive at the truth, the German adds, the Frenchman subtracts, and the Englishman changes the topic."

P/p/s: PASTAAAA~!!!!11

Say what?

I took the "handwriting personality" quiz on gURL.com
		my handwriting personality is... jocular jotter Your self-confidence and ability to laugh at yourself (you know you're a big dork but you like it) attract lots of admirers and once in a while you get in trouble for being too over-the-top. Read more... What does your handwriting reveal about you?

...I really need to stop spending so much time on the Net. My blog entries are starting to evolve into something that is uncharacteristically...odd.

Sigh.

Current Music: Pierrot - B'z

Not-too-short an Intermission

I'm not supposed to be surfing the Net for too long simply because it's presently revision week, and it's not like whatever I would look up on the Net would be asked in the exams due to their irrelevance and lack of importance in one's quest for a degree.
So I went to chedet, and the issue of teaching science and maths in english (PPSMI) caught my attention almost too easily that before I realised it, my curiosity had bypassed my awareness and had commanded my frail fingers to click on the link.
And from there, I read his views with much agreement.
And although I had warned those who would heed to avoid the comments section, I had browsed that section...and stumbled on to another link, bringing me to a humorous blog that managed to plaster this oh-too-goofy smile on my face.

The Link!

Hey, I never did consider myself much of a patriotic person, whether to my country or to my own language. One reason? It clouds one's judgment so.

Current Music: We Cry - The Script

Lost

End of the block exam for my first clinical posting. And suffice to say, it was screwed on an epic scale.
But we're not going to talk about that. No sirree.
Nor are we going to talk about how I drove back.

I was just checking out Tun Dr. M's blog. Not really out of curiosity - but rather, it was more of boredom.
To whomever who are following his blog, my advice is this: The comments section is hardly worth reading, period.
Simply because if you're planning to make your reading and your time worthwhile, the comments can hardly appease you. They're just a huge waste of time.
The fourth PM's writings are worth a lot when they're not too infused with emotions, I daresay. For instance, when he touched on the economics, history, and the games that politicians play and the words that they twist out of context.
The comments, most of the time, are only by those who only voice out their blind admiration for the PM, most of which sounds a lot like "sucking up".

Maybe now is not the best time to blog. I'm like the centre for all the negative energy in this part of the world...

Rekishi

It took me around two months to actually get my uni's Wifi for Avicenna. How pathetic is that? Not that I'm complaining or anything - it's just that my time has been too occupied (being at the hospital is one thing, in slumberland is another...) so I don't have much time to go to the IT Dept to get it to work. The least I was able to do was to submit the registration form after Dr. Jamal showed me Avicenna's MAC address.
Determination can really push one to the extremes. So today, at 4.40pm, 'Izzah and I left the hospital, I sped Miyavi on the road (Don't do it, folks, especially if you're in Kuantan...'coz the selected drivers here could cost you your life or at least your car), then I ran up to my room to grab Avicenna, then it was back speeding to ITD. By then it was past 5 (i.e. past office hours), but they attended to us. Bravo, bravo! So the first man - I know not the name, alas! - tried very hard to get the Wifi running, had some problems with the configuration and authentication, so after several valiant tries, he called his pal - superior? - to do it instead.
...To make a long story short, he succeeded. Kudos! And now Avicenna's ready to surf~!
As gratitude, here's a link to his blog. Very informative, amusing - from the sarcasm, or the play of words - especially to those newbies who want to know how he thinks of laptops and stuff.
...If I ever get around to, I'll put a blogroll or something. Later, like when I have time to re-arrange my hectic life.

But that's not the main reason for blogging. While waiting for them to work on Avicenna, I could not help but to think of how similar his line of duty is to a doctor's.

Basically they work on computers while doctors work on human beings. Of course, computers dying is nowhere near as traumatic or tragic as a human dying but still...

You go to a computer whiz with expectations that he'll get your computer to work. Your computer hasn't been doing what it's supposed to do, and you don't know why. You don't even know the technical terms and how things actually work. You don't even know if you should start blaming yourself if you've had a fair share in causing your computer's ailment.

Likewise, you go to a doctor when you don't feel well. At the end of the visit, you expect that the doctor will tell you what is actually wrong - accurately - and that the doctor will actually do something to solve your current problem. Perhaps, if you're the conscientious type, you'd start regretting for not taking up a healthier lifestyle, cursing all the fast food outlets, lamenting about the oh-so-hot weather which generally doesn't permit you the suitable milieu to exercise outdoors.

Then the experts start asking you for the relevant history. Like, what you were doing when the problem starts manifesting itself. So you talk, unaware if the answers that they are looking for is hidden somewhere in your answer. You assume that the more you talk, the more the doctor will be able to make a head or tail of your current problem. That's History of Present Illness.

Except in my experience with the ITD guys, they didn't ask any questions. They jumped right to Avicenna, asking for my username, password and what I actually did when I idiotically attempted to set the Wifi myself.
But it was only when I let it slip that I submitted two registration forms that they knew what was wrong, and why the authentication has been failing.
So he deleted one registration in the database and all was well.
Moral of the story: If you think a certain detail is too trifling that it could not possibly be the source of your problems, think again.
But based on my experience with the patients in the hospital, that is not necessarily true. If the patients start listing all their problems from A-Z, we students are going to have a merry ride in trying to reach the correct diagnosis.

...This thought came when I recalled that I did think of becoming an IT person once upon a time.

Let's hope that I won't be misusing this luxury any time soon...

A Hint of Guilt

I'm home when I'm not really supposed to be, considering the huge pile of work which I suppose I should be doing are still in the to-do list rather than in the completed list.
I should be doing something that should be pushing me nearer to my goals - like, y'know, studying or poking myself with a syringe (in a feeble attempt at venepuncture, nothing else) - but I'm still doing what I do best, i.e. procrastinating.
I shopped instead of saving money.
Pleading guilty, Your Honour.

Anyway. My imagination's running a bit rampant.
There's something so wicked in deriving pleasure by criticising the current shows we have on TV nowadays. Lacking in depth, the questionable existence of a plot, the superficial actors & actresses, the oh-so unnecessary lavish make-ups and the current vogue they call "fashion" and "the in thing"...
I insist that we have, as a majority, bad and hopeless actors and actresses. Every single actress I saw on TV lately, I automatically deemed as "cheap", "pretty face and nothing else", "an utter disgrace to the entire XX species" and "...Yuck."
And the guys...Well, the "pretty" ones get "pretty face and nothing else", others get a simple "...Ugh". And the rest? They all look like stalkers to me.

What's the purpose of this entry? None, I suppose.
...Maybe it's just my way of celebrating my short break before a long clinical posting ahead.

Money and...Much More

Am astounded as to why my Internet connection seems to be lagging. *shoots death glares at ISP*

Anyway. Haven't been doing much worth bragging about. Haven't been practising my keyboard for over a week now, and my attempt at Japanese have been so-so. One good thing that I did achieve was the revival of my Xda II by purchasing a new battery for him, and that I've managed to download a programme plus plugins to enable it to play FLV. Score one for the home team! I'll probably try to sustain it for 2, 3 years until I get a new one...Though that doesn't say much, since a camera - which I've wanted for quite some time - is still under my lengthy Wish List.

On with the subject I've promised earlier: Money and Value.

I mentioned before how depressing news are lately. And people have been complaining how hard it is to make ends meet, how troublesome it will be if the government were to issue salary twice a month, how government was right is reducing the subsidy...and henceforth. Last night's news revealed that whole chickens are sold for RM8 each, houses are now 30% more expensive...
While I'm thankful that my middle-income family is not suffering too much, it never hurts to be a little more prudent. The government has been promoting lifestyle change but seriously, a mere 10% decrement in their own earnings is laughable at the very least when we compare that the fuel price hike reaches a whooping 40%. They've been driving luxurious car(s) around, so the reduction won't even give them a proper jolt to reality. A little pang to their pride and a little jab at their greed (if present), but nothing more.
...Maybe it's not too wise to talk about them too much. God Knows if the ISA would suddenly stumble across this little blog of mine...

At times, regret and guilt would come raining down on me. Regret for either having bought something which turned out to be unnecessary later on, or even for not buying something when the chance presented itself. Guilt naturally ensues after the phase of regret.
So when I was told that it's best to invest money rather than just saving up, I had to agree. Likewise, when smart spending is involved. Let's face it, although we might be able to accumulate tons of money in banks, with the high inflation rates and all, the value would go down, down, down. Even a lot of money won't be able to get you much in the end.

Oh, the sheer horror of it all.

I'm kind of surprised (and relieved?) that students under JPA scholarship haven't tried asking for a raise. It probably had something to do with a recent raise we got a couple of months back...
...Still, the fact that I can't afford to laze around remains. There's a serious need to buck up if I want to make it in this world.
So it's time to stop thinking about how am I going to get to own superfluous things - like an iPhone (...), or a PSP (...), or a PS3 (ha?), a bunch of CDs or DVDs, clothes and stuff...
Which gave me no real reason to go to the mall, unless for window shopping. But we all know it may lead to unnecessary spending, or in the case of non-spending, a severe case of depression when the realisation that I won't be able to own it hits me hard. Even so, driving to the mall would consume money too...

*groans*

Still, frankly speaking, I'm sick of staying at home. Maybe that's why I haven't been able to do much, be it the things that I usually enjoy doing or not.

It's a different case of homesickness.

Maybe I should go out tomorrow. So what if I'll be on my own? I'll just busy myself with reading at a bookstore. Besides, we live in a somewhat un-caring society anyway; one that doesn't bother with other people's business.

That's all.

Ah. In an out-of-character move, I've landed myself with a Facebook account. What has the world come to!?

What's Your Morning Personality?

My Result: Still Sleepy

Sleepyheads like you are the reason they invented the snooze button. "Another five minutes! Just another five minutes." Okay, maybe one more...But eventually you do get up to face the day and arrive wherever you need to be in somewhat decent shape.


That said, after your initial reluctance to get out from under the covers, we'd guess you're pretty eager to get your day going. And while you probably won't be up with the roosters (or at least volunteer to be), you're able to be surprisingly productive before noon. Sometimes you just may need a little nudge or strong cup of coffee to get going. Then you'll be off and running!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=morningpersonalityogt&c=50652

The Influence of Birth Order

My Result: Eldest child because of your achievements

People who stand out as eldest children due to their achievements usually believe that educational and career advancement is very important. In fact, they likely enjoy higher salaries and more professional prestige than many of their peers. They tend to be highly efficient and appreciate the value of constructive feedback. They're probably competitive and like to compare themselves to others. Odds are they are more likely than most to enjoy competition and team sports. Additionally, it's probable that they are smart and able to perform at above average levels at most things.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=birthorderogt&c=50652

Current Music: You - Yuzuki
A song from Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. I even cropped it so that it'll become my ringtone. A surprising change of rhythm from Back-On or doa...Have I mellowed in the past few days?

untitled. for no good reason.

Countdown to end of break: Roughly around 3 weeks more. Which means that the end to this luxury of idleness is nigh.

I realise that I've been looking at the television set quite frequently. No, the word 'looking' previously was not mistaken to carry to same meaning as 'watching'; Simply, 'looking' denotes a lack of focus on the show, which happens when the television set is on - just for the sake of having a background sound around - while one busies oneself with other stuff like reading or munching on some grubs. A waste of electricity? Probably.

Sometimes watching shows that are centred on romance irks me. For instance, nowadays I made it a point - not too strong a point though - to follow a Korean drama (Sassy Girl Chun-hyang), the Japanese drama Proposal Daigakusen (Naohito Fujiki, anyone?), and the English new series Pushing Daisies. Too much of sap, while does lift up one's mood, only manages to leave a bad aftertaste in other instances.

Watching the main male character chase after the main female character with such determination and stubbornness makes me wonder if the drama production crew is pushing it a little too far. Or maybe I'm just too incredulous as to how emotional guys could be when football is not involved (not to offend any Euro fans or something, mind you). I mean, from my understanding, guys have a certain un-emotional trait that sets them apart from girls. Generally speaking, that is. In short, it felt too much unrealistic. Like how the events play out and all. But hey, that's the plotline and script for you.

Or, another plausible explanation to my uneasiness is simply this - that I know such fantasy-filled scenario would never happen in my life, so why bother?

Perhaps that's why I'm hesitating even in my choice of shows to watch. There's this new anime called Special A, which looks gorgeous and funny, but knowing that the plot might not be for me...I feel dubious as to whether I should start dabbling in it...

...Perhaps I worry too much. Rather than cracking my head trying to come out with a decision, it might be wise to just stay put and see how the future unfolds itself...

Your Mind is 88% Cluttered

Your mind is incredibly cluttered. You have so much going on in there, it's hard to think straight. Consider talking to a therapist. It's a good idea to sort through your thoughts, if only to see which ones are worth hanging on to.

How Cluttered is Your Mind?

What Drives You?

My Result: Stability

People driven by Stability are concerned about security in many different facets of their life. They take comfort in knowing they're prepared for their future and as such, take the necessary steps to make their life more predictable. Whether that means setting up a good savings account, educating themselves so they're prepared for their next job or child, or physically safeguarding their home with alarms or new storm windows, they do well when stability is in their sights.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=selfmotivationogt&c=50652

A testament to my Libra sign?

You Are A Chocolate Ice Cream Girl

Dramatic. Powerful. Flirty.

What Flavor Ice Cream Girl Are You?

Eh? I think not...Flirty? Seriously??

What's Your Secret to Success?

My Result: Balancing Skills

From your home or job to your family and social life, an active and busy person like you has a lot on your plate. But that doesn't mean that you let it get you down or get the better of you. Quite the opposite — having a packed calendar and too much to do is probably just the way you like it.


Whether you've got a million items on your to-do list or just a few big ones, you've got a knack for keeping track of things and staying on top of them. Where some might sink under an avalanche of duties, projects, and appointments, it's your time to rise to the top and show off your true talents. Way to shine!

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=secretsuccessogt&c=50652

Next entry (Probably. Unless other issue props up or my laziness gets the best of me) - Of money and value.

Current Music: New World - Back-On

With all the downloading that I've been doing...I can't believe I only had around 3 hours of sleep the night before! Of course, total this with my lack of sleep during the exam period...and soon I might look like a zombie. Or L. Whichever.
Speaking of zombie...Maybe I should resume downloading Zombie Loan? Even if the main character is pretty annoying?
Btw, so far, the most annoying main female character to me is still Honda Tohru (a frigging Mary Sue I tell you!), Daidouji Mayura (because her head's empty) in second place, followed by Haruno Sakura (simple because she's still into Sasuke...See, usually I only get irked when she's associated in any manner to the Uchiha) and then... Amano Misa (...ugh. She's like barnacles on a Raito-ship)...
Suffice to say, the list is pretty long. Somewhere, it also includes Fujioka Haruhi (too unrealistic), Meyrin Hawke (...unremarkable, especially when one puts Cagalli in juxtaposition), and that main female lead in Saiunkoku Monogatari. A pity, since I liked her at the start...but when she starts being the centre of romantic attention of a bit too many guys, that's when I draw the line.

Yes, I am aware that this entry is pointless.

To make it less so, let me just introduce the Pocket PC I got from my father. His name is Houraiji Tatsuma-kun!
Smirk.

Current Music: Chain - Back-On