"You can't think about things you want to change. Just be yourself" - Ethan Embry
Never, in my whole entire life, have I felt this degree of depression and worthlessness.
So it was my fault - to some extent. To say that things did not go my way isn't so far from the truth either.
That set me thinking.
Why were we taught to never blame others, but blame ourselves in any negative event?
Blaming oneself is depressing, and is a great way to pressurize oneself. Aren't we supposed to NOT be too hard on ourselves? I suppose that only counts in terms of being able to forgive yourself for your defects.
Never blame others...perhaps it serves as a tool to maintain your social networks. That is, if one is compelled to blame everyone and everything else and neglects his/her own role in said problem, then...I don't think he/she'll have that many friends, if any.
In conclusion, from what I am able to deduce from this so-called code...If you blame yourself, then there's a higher chance of mending/turning the tables, since we can only control ourselves and not anybody else.
(Of course, I must stress that in my case, it'll be difficult to change myself. There's a reason why I'm so hardheaded, and there's another reason why I fear change).
Back to my predicament.
For the first time. I have utterly screwed my exams that any fragment of chance for it to be un-screwed has been sucked up by cosmic-sized black holes into a Land of Nothingness.
Of course, I still pray for Good. Now that I have done my part (not entirely to the best of my 100% capabilities, but for an amateur...I'd say I deserve some forgiveness from myself and...those who are willing to forgive me), everything is up to God. Sure, it's predestined, but not knowing the future...While it can give one hope, one should also be prepared for the worst.
Would you say it's pessimism? I don't know. I prefer calling it being realistic.
What seems bad to you may, in truth, be the contrary as time goes by.
My God, I sound positive.
So now, even if people say I drown myself in angst, I shan't say anything to correct them. As long as I know that it gives me some benefit...I suppose there's no need for me to convince the entire cosmos.
What a way to go.
