The Long and the Short of It

I'm making quite a name for myself as a no-nonsense, perpetually pissed off (senior) HO.

My scolding patients is not a new sight these days.

After 1 year in the system, I am already so severely disillusioned.

Is it that bad? Perhaps I exaggerate at times, but perhaps very few would argue with me if I say that the absurdities that this sorry excuse for a hospital dishes out to us house officers beats HTAA by a long, long shot.

Lab rules and protocols are moronic that I'm utterly embarrassed to adhere to their stupid system.

Patients boleh tahan jugak banyak cekadak diorang.

So called protocols and procedures retard our work.

Stupid CMEs are mostly a waste of time, when presenters obviously didn't put in much of an effort.

And for God's sake please stop calling me "Kak" already; I'm an effing doctor for crying out loud, stop telling me to change your IV drip!

And 2 years of HO-ship is too bloody long. Would I say that I'm learning? Hardly - most of my present knowledge I carried from my years as a medical student.

Four months of one posting is too long. What are we, cheap sources of labour!? Will all these insane levels of stress and overwhelming workload and lack of appreciation be worth it in the end?

I realise that the despair and disappointment in the general quality of HOs are not entirely fictional, but even so all this brouhaha is shedding light on an entirely wrong perspective. Even I occasionally facepalm at certain peers of mine, that at times I want nothing more than to fling my shoe in their direction.

I maintain that the higher ups should also share the blame, instead of making us the scapegoats just because we're the lowest in the hierarchy.

The working conditions could use a great deal of improvement. But what to do, the hospital is in poverty anyway.

The hospital is in near-shambles. The elevators are too damn slow, they give no meaning to "stat" anymore. As if the stupid procedures to enter the lab itself is not slowing things enough...

And don't even get me started on how stupid all this code asking business just to ask for blood.

I'm frankly surprised that the mortality rate of this hospital isn't any higher.

Screw everything, I'm outta here as soon as I can if I can help it.

Current Music: How to Go - School Food Punishment

Halfway There, Halfway Gone

"We often like to believe what we want to believe, often because the real facts challenge us too much. It is far easier to wallow in our prejudices than to seek out the truth in anything" ~ Marina Mahathir, The Star 30/08/2012.

1. Dear God, I can't believe that I'm already in Year Two of working.

I think of it as a mid-working life crisis. You know that you're long enough into the job that certain things are already second nature to you. You know enough people and are familiar with the procedures to get things done. You've worked long enough that you're already a familiar face to certain staffs.

And yet there are still things that still get to me.

How my stamina doesn't seem to have improved over the past year. How less tolerant I am to people - patients and relatives alike - who are bloody irritating. How pissed off I could get when my work is delayed no thanks to bureaucracy and the higher ups' ego and mood swings.

I like Medical because of the approach. But what I dislike about it is that it strikes me as a behavioural thing and thus, because of human fallacy and habits are just so hard to break, the process is endless.

Admissions are aplenty. Patients smell of cigarette smoke. Patients with psychiatric problems contributing to the chaos in the ward. And damn stupid elastoplasts that don't secure branulas properly should just rot in hell along with all the stupid, temperamental ECG machines.

This hospital is getting more and more idiotic.

2. The human factor in medicine is, as always, a great contributor to this love-hate (mostly hate, to be honest) I share with Medicine as a whole.

That is one reason why I shouldn't be allowed to practise clinical work.

But doing Pathology would mean abandoning the ward procedures, which previously actually took me some time to acquire.

Other specialties that I have considered include Anaesthesiology, Orthopaedics, Surgical and even ENT (I quote an MO of mine: "Easy no tension!").

Some people say I should worry about these options later. I say that I need something to look forward to, to work hard for.

All I know is, I need to get out of this damned hospital.

3. I feel old these few days. Maybe because a great number of fellow HOs in my current department are first posters, therefore are substantially younger (~2 years) than I am. Sometimes people mistook me for an MO - compounded by the fact that I prefer to roam around the ward without my white coat (I blame the global warming!).

A few people I already know are already MOs. I'm feeling some sort of delayed development here on my part.

4. Dang, esok keje lagi...

Current Music: Payphone - Maroon Five featuring Wiz Khalifa

Whence Shalt I Even Begin?

First of all - yes, I'm done with Surgical posting. There were a few hiccups every now and then - though I maintain that I am by no means guilty of most of them! - but the important thing is that I'm out of the torture chamber!

It's a good feeling. Praises be to Him, as He had definitely Eased me through it all. Especially since the department seems to be deteriorating with every passing minute, it's fortunate that I've already completed my four months' imprisonment. I want out of the madness, and not a minute too late!

Four months is a long time, no kidding. You know you're practically an ancient relic when your MOs start asking you if you're still in the department...because you've been with them for so long already. Pfft!

Would I say that I'm a better person after this experience? I truly doubt it. I remember getting frustrated and wondering if there was still justice in the world and fearing that my humanity will eventually be compromised in the process...or that I will evolve to become a replica of those that I despise.

My end of posting leave is approved, and I've been home for a few days. Alas, my sleeping pattern is as screwed as ever, and I spent most of my hours catching up with valuable Zzz's.

I'm just so bad at this.

Current Music: Need You - Travie McCoy