Compilations #19

1. Turnabout

On one fine night I was asked (read: ordered) to cover the haemato/onco ward for a day - a decision I made when I was barely awake, as I was already in my deep slumber. The next morning, with some sense of trepidation, I forced my way to the dilapidated ward instead of my usual route to my usual ward (High Dependency Ward).

Despite the reduced work load, I found myself missing HDW. And no amount of words could ever describe the relief I felt when I returned to HDW the following day.

I suppose some things just grow on you, despite your initial hatred - or indifference - towards them at first.

And some other things, after some twists of fate here and there, unexpected as they may be, can instantaneously trigger a complete change of reaction too.

I guess that's how life is meant to be, even after all these years of living. It is inevitable to judge and to be judged, but one must also be open to changes and be prepared to be challenged, be it physically or mentally and - mostly - spiritually.

We can't win them all. There will be some downsides...but at the end of the day all we can do is to estimate whether the positive aspects outweigh the negative, and if the former will all be worth the troubles of putting up with the latter.

2. Distance

Dear God, I can't take this anymore. But being too close for comfort has its own share of problems too.

Am I the only one who's hurting here?

Desiderata

Desiderata (L.) - desired things

With what little time I do have to spare after a hard day's work, is it any wonder that my brain refuses to embark in any further ruminating? And naturally my words will not write themselves, as all I yearn to do these days is to succumb to my lethargy and let my dreams take over.

But I must refrain from talking about work. Because my life is more than that, yes. And because I shouldn't be thinking about work on an off-day.

...My attention capacity is at a worrying level. I can't even finish a chapter properly, what more a book. And yet I still find myself handing over the cash to purchase another book. As I clutch the item close to my person, my mind wonders if this time will be any different from the last time I lost myself in a bookstore.

Whatever the response to that question may be, it ends with my forsaking that thought - because honestly, habits die hard - and praying to God that my self-control will eventually triumph over this materialistic want.

And so I peek into my purse, sigh into it, and chucked it into my bag and walk away, pushing whatever regret I may have into the back of my mind, until it reappears like a sceptre the next time I repeat this folly.

Shopaholic in the making? Goodness, I hope not.

Also, the number of pants that I have now is dangerously close to the number of skirts I already have. Which is worrying, considering that - if you knew me at all - I have never been a pants kind of a person.

Until recently, I suppose. Because there is no way on God's Earth can you wear a skirt or baju kurung and perform CPR without appearing...undignified.

Current Music: Call It What You Want - Foster the People

Intermission #43

1. Perhaps it is time to take the plunge into the uncertain.

Testing the waters too long may have been an act of cowardice, but who can handle the thought of one's dreams collapsing?

Perhaps, in a way, it's already too late to back down.

2. I notice that I enjoy working when I go the extra mile voluntarily, not when people start demanding as if we are their personal attendants or something.

3. Roughly around 7 more weeks until Medical ends, iA. Praying that all will go well.

Also, my paranoia needs to stop intruding my subconscious and translating my dreams into nightmares.

Current Music: Hello - Karmin