Sunken

It has to be a curse. It could be nothing else.

As always, I'm stuck having to debate. Last time, it was not too bad - just debate in the matrix, so I could afford some goofing around while I was at it.

This time, it ain't like that at all.

The debate is this Saturday, but we're leaving the campus on Thursday. That means, I'll be missing class on Friday. Not exactly a happy thought, considering that the bulk of said Friday consists of anatomy lectures. Three anatomy lectures on upper limbs.

I'm no happy debater, but I suppose everybody knows that.

Plus, I'm debating against IMU (gasp!) in front of knowledgeable people rather than your average Tom, Dick and Harry...with competent debaters my Uni has to offer.

Maybe it's that evil called inferiority complex. Or maybe it's simply laziness.

After not debating for months, it's only too easy to relapse into ignorance mode. Plus, my brain is too lazy to pick up any sort of an intellectual fight.

Gah. Sure, one could say it's flattery, to be handpicked by the kuliyyah to debate in the name of the Uni (never mind that I have no patriotism whatsoever to this place...), but on the other hand, it's akin to being used.

I can't complain directly to the people involved because it's not my nature to really, really complain. I whine in my own backyard.

So what have I done so far? I've been spending hours online, browsed through journals, and pondered hard (as far as my capabilities would allow me to, anyway...).

End result? I still don't have the structure, nor the points (concrete ones).

I would say I'm doomed, but if we were in the proposition, I'd have more trouble.

So, yeah, I should be thankful to God. In one way.

And, that's it for now. Am in no mood to ramble or complain about my neverending internal turmoil. Darn, I should get some sort of professional therapy if I really want to escape from this torture I'm putting myself in.

P/s: Downloading Yui's Rolling Star PV! 30 minutes or so to go...

Gulp

I...feel like an idiot. Not the kind of feel good feeling. Never is, never will be.
Why the heck am I unable to spend a wee more time to _think_ before really jumping in to do or say something? It's like a kamikaze streak, minus the pride and purpose of doing it.
Tsk tsk.
Also, my break's over. In a way it's a good thing - all this idleness allows my uber-negative self to take control of my life. Regretting the past is _not_ something I enjoy doing, despite my doing it anyway.
...Pitiful, just pitiful.

Itoushi Kimi E

Dear brain of mine,

I apologise for causing thee great distress lately - well, greater dose than usual. A couple of brain cells might be in coma right now, and others...well, hopefully they'll get resuscitated in time.
I've subjected thee to immense torture.
I can't promise that I won't do it again. I know I'll be repeating it in the near future.
Not from just the stress...I know I'm an idiot for watching crappy tv shows.
That's why I was hoping House and Bleach marathons would put thee to right.
Now I think you guys are down with one monster I've yet to find a way to defeat: Laziness.

Note to self: ...exactly, what on Earth are you doing?