Intoxicated

Could this be a bipolar disorder in the making?

How does one maintain one's faith, one's optimism in something that is so incredible, so incomprehensible, so subjective to human knowledge? Is it enough to have intuition alone in the mere act of realizing it as what it is? In the face of adversity, how does one remain steadfast in one's aim?

All this is so new to me, and yet the pain - the pain is something that I'm familiar to, no thanks to my past 'experiences'. Take note, in this context familiar does not mean 'being accustomed to'...

It's difficult to keep my feet firmly rooted to the ground, lest I lose touch with reality, when I get swept off my feet with every little thing.

I hate this feeling. But if I were to be honest to myself, it's a thrill that I find myself craving for more. Is this why drug addicts find it difficult to give up their source of pleasure?

Dear God, I sound like a raging lunatic on a high, I'm starting to scare myself.

They say that one will fall as one learns to walk. But here I am, taken high up in the sky (not entirely without my consent, I must confess), but I'm too scared that I will fall, if it comes to that.

It might break me in more ways than one.

Current Music: Wonderland - Natalia Kills

In Denial...Sort of

My mother had, every so often, encouraged me to pursue writing as a secondary career, knowing very well how I enjoy writing and how the local literary field is in dire need for better reading materials. Regardless, it's an idea that I myself have entertained every so often...but never actually got around to penning it down.

She suggested that I write something based on my working experience...

...And I have a feeling that if I ever wrote it down, the novel will be entitled "I'm not Jonah".

See, apparently they have this superstitious(?) belief at the hospital, whereby anytime someone who's already a known case of "Jonah" is at work, then plenty of admission is likely. I have, many a time, insisted that I'm not Jonah, and that it actually depends on the MO who is oncall at the same time as I am.

Until today, during which when I called my MO (an awesome one, if I may say so!) to ask about a case, he actually asked, "Eh, kenapa you sibuk sangat hari ni?".

That was after the fifth case in the Emergency Department. So far I've seen seven this day alone...And even the Medical Assistants and the MOs at ED were chuckling when I came to ED to review the cases that they referred to me.

Maybe it's payback for a relatively easy day yesterday, which was fortunate, as I was indisposed for a great deal of the afternoon, feeling under the weather such that they put me on an IV drip. Yes, I have newfound respect for patients who are able to calmly wait on their beds for their drips/antibiotics to finish, staring at the drops that signify the passing time, much like an hourglass...

God, please let my oncall finish soon. I'm starting to have phobia towards my own mobile phone...

Current Music: Misery - Maroon Five

Compilations #13

1. After a certain point, even the most patient of person might fall prey to the his or her own anger.
After a certain point, anything can turn 180 degrees.

2. What do you do when you want something so badly, but you're unsure if you're actually worthy of it? Or, heck, if it's supposed to be yours after all?

3. It's okay, isn't it, to not go for a dinner which I paid RM30 for? Let the money burn just like that...because I just don't feel like meeting people. Just because.
It's just money, after all.

4. I'm always going to be stuck in a roller coaster of emotions, aren't I? It's always one brief moment of happiness, followed by despair...
Is that how life is, generally speaking? Or am I thinking too much into it, allowing my emotions get the best out of me?

Current Music: Written in the Stars - Tinie Tempah featuring Eric Turner