Even when

Even when I had put everything into those tears, things will never change.
Even when I had discarded all hope, they keep on coming back.
Even when I assured myself that everything is all right, I know it was a lie.
Even when they say 'every cloud has a silver lining', the gloom and storm obliterate all.
Even when I want to break free, something pulls me back.
Even when I seek happiness, guilt always snakes back into my conscience.
Even when God promised His Love and Justice, I still can't accept here and now.
Even when He has proved to me many times before, I can't seem to trust and leave everything to Him easily.

Current Music: Falco - Shimatani Hitomi

Ahou

I hate feeling like a moron, whether it's really my fault or it's someone else's doing. Maybe it's because of my pride thingy, but really, I don't think anyone likes the notion either.

Humour as a mature ego defense mechanism? Alas, I have not reached that level in these 20 years. My humour is, if I may say it as such, misplaced.

God, I feel like an idiot. I sure hope I'm not one for real.

The story is like this: I rushed home last minute, thinking that I've a cavity, whereas the dentist said that it's not. If anything, it's "in good shape".

I was struck. If I didn't keep my tongue in control, I would've blurted a "...what?".
Of course, doing that would make me look dumber. That is not good.

So maybe all the microbiology and parasitology classes are making me more paranoid than ever.

Not that I wish he was wrong - I love my teeth (and no, I'm not sharing my teeth with those bacteria, normal flora or not! So there, hah!) and I want them to stay normal and healthy. But the thought that my instinct has failed my - miserably - is just too unbearable and appalling.

Have I lost my so-called sixth sense? Or was it simply taking a holiday, leaving an incompetent replacement while it was away?

So why does my tooth still feel odd? Sharp margins, as if a fragment has chipped off from it?

...One explanation would be that I had, in my utter carelessness, exerted a little too much force in brushing, that a fragment just...could not take it anymore. If that were the case, it shows that I need more calcium.

Here's a random thought: Cut down on the chocolate, take more milk.

And about the I-feel-like-an-idiot-issue...the only way to resolve that one is by educating myself.

...

Ha ha.

...

Sigh.

Aye

New year, but it seems that with each passing December 31, I'd usually be doing the same thing at the tick of midnight: On my bed (with or without a computer on), listening to a Japanese song, thinking how the past has left us in the lurch, and the uncertainties the future has to offer.

Fireworks fill the first midnight sky of 2007, but here I am, not even glancing out of my own bedroom window, and thinking how they disrupt the song I'm listening to.

Currently downloading Gundam SEED episode 24. Don't ask why I even bothered to, knowing that a Realplayer file is _not_ something my Avicenna recognises much less plays.
Seven minutes to completion, then I'll begin with episode 39.
Then perhaps, just for the whim of it...SEED Destiny episode 14.

I am guilty of a downloading spree, with the unlimited Internet access (something lacking back in that backwater lil place...) and _tons_ of sites to check out, and likewise, _tons_ of things to download.

I just love Avicenna to bits...

Anyhow, so I got a new phone. A Sony Ericsson. I've nothing against Sony. I remember dreaming of owning one once upon a time - like I said before, advertisements have powerful influence - before I got a phone.

But yeah, Nokia's still cool in a different way. But it's just too bloody expensive for anyone's good.

Am I guilty for over-spending? Not exactly. It's a necessity - if not today, it would be someday.

So.

New block's starting in two days' time. Not exactly ecstatic (I demand longer breaks, damnit!), since I enjoyed the previous one a whole lot, and am kinda sad that it's gone.

Not that I want to repeat the experience, mind you. Once is enough. My time is limited.

Oh, the download's over. Time to move to the next one...

...if it turns out that whatever I'm downloading is either subtitle-less or fan-subbed, I'd be very, VERY disappointed.

Happy New Year, y'all. May the future bring good news to us all.

Current Music: Itsuka no Merry Christmas - B'z (I know, I know. Listening to a Christmas when it has been over for days, plus the fact that I'm not even Christian! ...My taste is quirky.)