Bittersweet

Life being life, moderation is the key. That said, God Knows how many times I've been accused of being dangerously close to either extremes...

I was in a bleak mood for most of the time in the past week. Several good things did happen - phone calls from good friends (especially a certain long distance call, halfway across the world *nudgenudgewinkwink*), presents, some laughter, teasings, much Apple fangirling - but being a pessimist, sometimes the clouds obliterate the sunshine just too easily.

I thought it was because of my being deprived from shopping, as it appeared that I was unable to shop without feeling guilty, hence in the end I'd just abandon the intention and settle for window shopping instead. Then I deduced that it would be more worthwhile to shop back in my hometown anyway...and yes, my homesickness was at a whole new level - and it comes attacking more frequent lately, what's up with that!?

I have never been much of an enthusiast when it comes to serious things. It has always been like a love-hate relationship since my third year, when more things and variables start to enter into the picture. Then came a time that my soul whimpered, and started asking God - Am I doing it right? Why is it so difficult to turn back? Why does everything seem so uncertain, so hopeless?

"Crossroads" (1999), by István Orosz

The answer came late, but what's important is that it _did_ come.

I met a couple of interesting people lately. The downside of being in this course with my kind of personality is that I prefer hanging around those that I already knew instead of meeting new bunch of people on a regular basis. What's interesting is that they managed to give me a boost of motivation - okay, not much, but better than nothing! - when it comes to pursuing the future.

Why is it that my enthusiasm is easily dampened lately? Maybe it's because of my struggle with my intention, my raison d'etre in this course, and my stand on a lot of different issues.

The wisest thing to do now would be to "Keep calm and carry on".

There is no time for idle contemplations. An escape route is there, but the path heading there is full of knaves and personae non gratae, thorns and traps.


Current Music: Show Me What I'm Looking for - Carolina Liar

Intermission #13

Hope becomes dreams, but dreams turn into nightmares.

We move on, we age on,
We gain some, we leave some,
In the end, is it all worth it?
What we kept for what we have lost?

Life gets tougher
because it assumes you do too


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Now playing: Savage Garden - Affirmation
via FoxyTunes

P/s: Nobody describes my sentiment towards Nelson Essentials of Paediatrics better than Dorothy Parker: "This book is not to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force".

*headdesk*

A Day in Hours

Oh God.

24.

Two dozens.

The number of hours in a day.

I feel so old. Maybe not in the sense of wrinkling foreheads or sagging cheeks or silvery white hair - at least, I hope not - but in that I start to worry about my health. All the stress I've been accumulating thus far is not something to be proud of, to be allowed to be retained in me to wreck havoc in unthinkable ways, everywhere and at any times.

And...I wonder if I act my age enough. Should I abandon my theatrical air and instead settle for a sombre one? Or should I shed that which is holding me down because - well, it's high time that I must break free?

Decisions, decisions. The only thing more difficult is to act upon it...or maybe not.

Sigh.

There's still a lot of things that I can't comprehend, can't tolerate, can't properly respond to.

Still a lot more that needs to be done.

In short, there's still a lot of change to be undertaken.

…Though I wonder if I'm already too late?


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Now playing: Vertical Horizon - All of You
via FoxyTunes


P/s: What the heck am I doing spouting melancholic preoccupations on a day like this!? *facepalm*