At Intervals

At work, too many things occupy my thoughts...that the moment my shift ends, it's like everything comes crushing down. Sort of like being on high, then it goes down for no explicable reason...and it leaves you feeling helpless.

...But in my case, it's like the sudden release from work triggers a whole new myriad of thoughts that I usually had no control of.

And is it any wonder that I don't really get much rest even after work? Let's not even go into how people still called for me, asking for unreasonable, trivial things even when it's supposed to be my day off.

I hate the fact that I can't even control my own thoughts when they go overboard. I blame it on my irregular sleeping schedule, amongst other things...

Despite it all, I still pray that He will Open up the Path for me.

Current Music: How to Go (TV Ver.) - School Food Punishment

Intermission #34

What do you do when you see a glimmer of hope? Do you reach out to grab it in your hands, to proudly call it your own...or do you wait, with your hands tied behind your back, for the glimmer to brighten, embracing your entire self?

I don't know if this is what people may call as desperate, but I do know - that I want it, bad.

What have I learnt from the past? My pessimistic self would rebuke me for assuming, while my optimistic self would reprimand me for being too pessimistic in the first place.

In conclusion? Perhaps it's time to try and change the course of things actively...without pushing it too far, with my prayers to Him, and...pray for the very best.

Still, forgive me for this expression but...damnit, self.

Current Music: Stereo Hearts - Gym Class Heroes featuring Adam Levine

Intermission #33

I haven't blogged for some time.

Today was my day off, and spent the noon getting some stuff and grabbing lunch. Shopping malls being a good place to study (...) human behaviour, I find myself getting turned off by the sight of people...and feeling awkward just by being there.

Social phobia, anyone?

I never felt that way during med school. Maybe because there were always friends to go out with (since our schedules didn't clash much), and time was otherwise occupied. Even in campus the food was agreeable - more agreeable than the hospital cafe here, as a matter of fact, so in terms of food there was not much complaint. But here...

...Yeah, let's just leave it at that.

The sight of me eating alone in restaurants is nothing new.

So when three of my ward-mates and I got together for dinner just now, it was pure awesome. The food was awesome, they were awesome, and yeah...the night was awesome. They were laughing like mad, and I had a hard time suppressing my own laughter that my tummy was hurting. People were probably staring at us, but there was no helping that...

And the best part? There will probably be a second time, God Willing.

Honestly speaking though, I had no idea it would come to this, joining them for something that doesn't involve work.

Perhaps this is contentment. Alhamdulillah.