Just the Way Things are

Royally screwed beyond redemption, but things didn't get worse - thank God for that! That is a one-line summary of how my Psychiatry clinical exam went.

Perhaps I was destined to screw up from the beginning. The moment the patient walked into the room, I had a temporary lapse of thinking. As if my thoughts were taken over by a void so empty, so dark, and it swallowed me whole.

But somehow I pulled myself back out of that hellhole, only to fall back into it around ten minutes later.

And when the patient started crying in front of me, I figured I was doomed.

The history that I got was so pathetically scant that I almost felt embarrassed to present. So my diagnosis, I based on the Mental State Examination rather than the history.

Do I blame the patient? At one point, yes, and I'm not even embarrassed to admit this. I'd say it was human to be in despair, given my state at the time, and really...did I have any choice in the first place?

Do I feel regret for not knowing the case even though she has been warded since two weeks ago? Not really, no. Regretting would mean blaming myself - and blaming my fate, I suppose - so that's the last thing I need for now.

Maybe life'll be easier to tread on when you just find within you, that willingness to accept whatever God has Given you.

I just wonder if my 'acceptance' appears to be more of 'forlorn'.

Maybe it's just not meant to be.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.


Current Music: Main Theme - Zombie Loan OST 

P/s: I'm still sad that Psychiatry is over, although frankly, it's probably more than I can take...