Truth be told, I've been trying to make heads or tails of a lot of issues. A whole lot of them, that enumerating them down one by one would take some time. So I had to make do with trying to rein them in my head, but honestly, it hasn't been working well.
I'm done with Orthopaedics, currently am in Paediatrics. Completed 7 days of tagging which, truth be told, gave me little opportunity to actually learn stuff. Maybe that's just me - right after I'm done in the ward, I head home and collapse. I've never been one to actually study in the ward even from my student days - trust me, with crying children and fussy parents/aunts/grandparents/what-have-you, ward rounds three times daily, and colleagues who are prone to crack jokes...any effort of studying is futile.
Even the Net bores me these days. I haven't been following any anime lately, and the only show that I finished was UN-GO (which was awesome, but I digress). Even putting my thoughts into words proved to be no small feat. Whatever scenario I conjured in my mind seemed unfit to be shared to the rest of the
I frankly am losing control of my thoughts, my imagination, and I'm scared.
I've always been afraid to dream of beautiful, cheerful things.
But there comes a time when dark, haunting nightmares gather around me, and I could only cower, alone, defenseless, and left to my despair.
When that sliver of hope appears, I'm still afraid to reach out for it, no matter how desperate I am.
Maybe it's retribution. Maybe it's His Trial for me. Maybe it's just me.
I'm losing a battle with myself. What now?
Current Music: Kimi ga Matteiru kara - Gackt Camui
