Stitches

Had an episiotomy workshop today. Suffice to say, I developed a newfound respect for tailors worldwide...
...and I doubt I can ever make it as a surgeon. Still, who knows what the future holds?
A friend - classmate, in fact - asked me why didn't I take up office work instead. To which I responded with, "Because I don't like paperwork, and I'd rather work on people."
Notice the words "work on people" instead of a more amiable "work with people".
...I'll touch on this later. Don't know when, but definitely not now.

I seriously need time for myself. All the sugar I've been taking in does not seem to work in mending my mood, and my headache's pretty unbearable.
I just don't want to see some people for awhile.
Of course I realise that I'm asking for something that's impossible.
I need more strength this time around. Previously, while I was still in IM, most of my energy went to my task of adapting to the new environment and accepting that I have, to some extent, changed...in aspects that I myself found it hard to tolerate. Currently, the energy should be mobilised to enduring the stressful environment (created by some people who are notoriously hard to work with!) and struggling with all the hassles and competitions and tiring tasks.
...I found myself questioning whether I was really tailored for this profession more than ever. It's obviously not in my genes, so what is pushing me forward?
The cognisance that it's too late - and too rueful - for me to turn back alone is not enough.

Current Music: Saving Me - Nickelback

A Passing Moment

So Boss-dude said that my blog is apparently full of complaints. But hey, it ain't false, so I'm not complaining.
Insert smiley face here.
Am currently thanking God for my pass in the previous clinical exam, despite it all. It's pretty sad, that I could only see the beauty of Internal Medicine when I'm now in Obstetrics & Gynaecology.
Of course, an even greater challenge awaits me in this world. Where the gift of life seems so beautiful, so is the reality that surrounds this joy.
But it's still to early for me to say more.
Still, allow me to say this, for my future reminder at least - We should always be prepared for disappointment, and from there, be patient.
I'll continue this later, if it's God's Will. Right now I've to read up on the anatomy of female perineum.
God help me.

Current Music: XTC - Psychic Lover

More Freewriting

1. The irony of it all.

I remember the irrepressible longing to do other things when I was supposed to be studying during the study week (or, more accurately, any free time I had during which I was supposed to allocate to studying...). I remember the boredom that came from reading those academic texts, and the frustration at the fact that I never managed to make them stick in my head despite my countless efforts and encounters with those same lines.

So now, when I'm actually on break and have the option to actually entertain the inner otaku and the inner child in me...why am I not making good use it

Aye, we only appreciate things when they're gone.

2. Despite what others may say, I don't think I'm capable, academic-wise or no. The ideal situation would be that I could be using my break to actually develop my other potentials - perhaps those that may be used to make me a better or a more able person - just so that I won't be accused of being too academic-oriented (not that it is actually anywhere close to the truth...oh, the harsh reality!).

The problem is, I lack the discipline.

Problem number two, I don't even have enough discipline to force any discipline on me.
Conclusion? I'm quite hopeless.

But we live and we learn. Perhaps as I journey on further in life, I'll pick up things that might be able to help me grow.

One things that would really help is for me to stop getting stressed out over trifles.
All the adrenaline gush ain't gonna do my poor heart any good anyway, and I think my blood vessels have enough fatty or atherosclerotic plaques lining them as it is (Heaven forbid!).

So let's try a calmer approach from now on. Breathing techniques, sound mind and body...and most importantly, trust in Him.

Of course, it would also help to be equipped with the realisation that change is always around the corner. Without change, humans will be static, with little or no desire to develop themselves. Without change too, comes boredom.

I suppose there's a good reason why America's politics - more specifically, Obama - keeps on yelling out "Change" like it's some sort of a mantra on a broken record.
So we should always update our map - a map that we use to define the world. A map that was shaped from our past experiences since we started to have (some) control over our memory banks, coloured by our own emotions, distorted when we erred, tainted by those episodes in which we were enshrouded in anger and blind reason, rebuilt when we rose from our fall, and refined once we gain that priceless revelation we call wisdom.
...Letting go of the old map is hard, but it's something that should be done, sooner or later. Hard because it may not be easy to accept that something that we have spent a lot of effort in has finally became outdated, hard because we stoop to the harsh realisation that we were wrong.

Letting it go and being back to the drawing board is just another step to acquiring a sense of maturity.

Why continue living in the past when Father Time is now speeding ahead in his F1 racing car?

Current Music: Kasanaru Kage (Instrumental)