We All Falter - Albeit In Our Own Ways

It hurts.

It feels like you are stripped off from every single strand of thread that was, until mere moments ago, gracefully and proudly shielding your sense of self and dignity. And now, as you stood bare with your knees giving away, the weaknesses that you had tried only too hard to shelter from the knowledge of the rest of the world now fully highlighted and clamoured on, deemed as the very last things you've thought of them as - having taken the taxing measures to prevent them from devolving into sheer ugliness and sin that tarnish your soul and stain your reputation - and yet...

There was no defense to set up. Time did not allow such procedure, such luxury. Would I say that everything conspired against me for that faux pas I was too stupid to have overlooked during its process of conception? Even my second line of defense failed me - perhaps it was tiredness, or even the necessity to simply leave the scene - and before my mind could fully recognize the trouble that had surrounded me out of the blue, and how deep was the depths of despair that had swallowed me whole without warning, the damage was already done. The boat had left the coast, I could not bring it back.

A well-meant apology, would it suffice? Would it erase the bleak episode completely, and allow redemption to shine through, despite the fact that good will alone is powerless to nullify any despicable misconducts that had managed to seep through insidiously?

Or am I doomed to let the unappeasable, ever-gluttonous regret feast away on my trembling conscience, the remnants of my own person?

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Now playing: Craig David feat. Sting - Rise & Fall
via FoxyTunes

P/s:
O Muse, thy insistence on theatricals knows no bounds!
If it could be directed towards the completion of my case reports,
How heartening it would prove to be!

Vacant Thoughts

1. "A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor" ~ Victor Hugo

"Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything" ~ Floyd Dell

Idleness, akin to drugs,
Crawls discreetly, permeating,
In one's veins and nerves,
Filling out.

It weighs us down,
Blunts the mind,
And dims the soul.

~ (c) ad. Lucidus, 2010

2. That is not to say that the current block - Specialised posting, more specifically, Radiology - is like a walk in a park.
In fact, putting Radiology in perspective; It's seeing the world in black and white, and in between. But you still get more, from "a stack of coins", "bird's beak" or "bat's wings"...
Bored of the monochromes? Just add colour - in this case, dyes.

3. Anaesthesiology. Nice.
...Yet my case reports are still pending.

4. The weather's killing me. It's too hot to do anything, and I don't have to get a proper workout to deceive myself regarding my physical activities!

5. It seems that I have taken a backseat in my hobby, i.e. instead of writing, of late I've been compelled to take on the role of a reader...But who am I to complain, when I have high-quality reading materials at my disposal?

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Now playing: Matsushita Yuuya - Trust Me
via FoxyTunes

Deprivation

An amazing feat. No, I am not talking about my surviving forensic medicine posting in HKL last week (ooh, bodies, blood and putrefaction galore!) and the god-awful but bearable traffic jam (my record being stuck in a bumper-to-bumper jam: close to 1 hour 30 minutes)...but rather, two weeks without Internet connection, because Streamyx is in dire need of improving its customer service. That, or the cables at my home are calling out for a change.

Astoundingly, without the Net - which automatically means no new anime watched, no new manga chapters read, no online reading, no blogging, no FB (...), et al - some things were achieved. Three books were finished: The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, The Fire by Katherine Neville (earning itself one of the best ever historical fiction this humble reader has had the pleasure to peruse!), and The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins (a good mystery, considering it was written in the mid 1800s - although it was no Sherlock Holmes material). I'm also awaiting my order - Caleb Carr's The Alienist, which I could expect to arrive in 2, 3 weeks. In the meantime, I'll comfort myself with The Alchemist and Outliers.

I have managed to not shop, partly because almost nothing managed to pique my interest.

Am presently on holiday in Perak, but tomorrow, by God's Will, we'll set off for Cameron Highlands. Strawberries, mmm...

Current Music: Ah, Putrefaction - Sherlock Holmes OST<--in the spirit of forensic medicine!