Clash of Postulations

The world today is not the same as before. Different generations act and respond differently.

I don't know if my realistic (read: pessimistic) standpoint is to blame, but I seem to think that things are more complicated than they appear to be. As in, there are aspects that are just beyond our control, that the outcome is not as simple as either A or B. My parents, on the other hand, equipped with their own life experiences, tend to think that their views are right - or, more right than mine, whatever that is supposed to mean.

Yes, occasionally there will be debates in the house. In a way I do appreciate the fact that they let me voice out what I think (despite my feeble hopes of emerging as the champion, pfft!), rather than telling me to just shut my mouth and nod reluctantly to whatever they were saying.

They make the wrong comparisons.

I tend to get emotional because they don't seem to see the reason behind my arguments.

They say that all that I have come to know - and adore - will bring me nowhere but towards a disastrous end.

I say that time is not my side - yet. Is it not the Holy Quran that said that man is ever hasty? ["Dan memang manusia bersifat tergesa-gesa" (17:11)]

At the end of the day their skepticism placed me in doubt...and I get bitter all over again.

Bitter and grieved.


Current Music: Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) - Kelly Clarkson

Compilations #17

1. Spare me the drama at work, please.

It's amazingly scary what stress can do to you, and what you in turn do unto others. Even I find myself sniping at those I find deserving - especially after I made the initial effort of being extra-civilised and yet received a disappointing response.

Sometimes it's just not worth the extra effort.

I can't afford to play nice all the way - not when people don't seem to appreciate it. Yes, I know it's supposed to be for God and all...but I am just human, liable to emotional breakdowns.

I try not to impart judgment on people...because deep down I realise that I might(?) be doing the same mistake if I were in their shoes.

2. There is a change in how I spend my money these days...and I'm kind of worried.

3. How do you define me? How do you see me in your eyes?

Maybe you don't know me that well. Or maybe I'm just too multi-faceted that you don't get to see a certain side of me that prefers to hide in the darkness, behind a pleasant face.

Or maybe I'm the one that's in error, blind to my own shortcomings.

4. I'm starting to understand - and emulate - my mother's occasional indifference(?) to patients' complaints.

...Good God, I really need to be done with housemanship and just get out of clinical work for good.

Current Music: Payphone - Maroon Five featuring Wiz Khalifa

Departure

I hate this distance.

My grandfather passed away yesterday, and I received the news when they were already twenty minutes into giving him CPR. No matter how I sped, I knew it was impossible to reach there for any last words.

There was a sense of hollowness in me during the entire day...even until now.

I pray that God will place him among His Blessed. Amiin.