Summarising how I've been feeling lately: An absolute wreck.Because, as cliched as it sounds, my race tends to forget, as do I.
It's nothing new, really, so there's not much fuss that people usually make. I mean, lecturers pointing out to students how seriously lacking they are in knowledge happens regularly, and being positive about it all means that we are to take it as a challenge, as a stepping stone towards self-improvement.
Last week - or was it the week before? - we had two classes on two consecutive days with Mr. Kyaw. Despite the apparent laughter that graced the sessions, we should have known that we were in deep trouble. I mean, hey, breast malignancy and menstrual cycle and anatomy of the axillae are all related, yes? On the next day, we were taken for a short case - neurology, his forte, his "territory" as he put it. Then he started asking about sinuses and layers of the epidermis and...well, we were pwned, and I was left wondering whether I had some sort of Alzheimer's that made me go selectively demented in forgetting only those related to Medicine.
Yesterday we had another session with Mr. Prabhu. He started with how we must not compare our achievements among ourselves - but to look at other medical schools. Imminent globalisation sets the stage for "survival of the fittest", where incompetent doctors might be (like in a reality show) eliminated to make way for the more capable.
What made me go weak was when he said, "Out of ten of you, one will stop doing medicine completely. Only three will become specialists...These days, becoming a mere GP might not be enough."
And about medicine, "You must know everything about anything"; Anything here refers to everything under the sun...This was when he was talking about the definition of gaiter and cavalry. Oh, and when he said to me "You look disappointed" and to the rest, "Don't be so disappointed" when we failed to elaborate on venous ulcers and varicose veins, that almost ripped my conscience to shreds. Because I know that he cared - he was ecstatic about teaching us, and yet it was us who had disappointed him.
I saw him this afternoon, smiled at him and he responded by raising his hand...and yesterday's drama unfolded in my mind, making me feel bad again.
Yesterday afternoon, it was Mr. Zailani's turn. He practically grilled us - saying that we did not know the basics. And how we must not say things that we know nothing of. He also later on said "Don't be depressed. Take it as a challenge" ...but the fact that we had two episodes of wake-up calls on the same day was too much - an overdose - for my psyche.
This morning we heard Mr. Shapiee...who said that by doing things without prior thinking is akin to being kufur to the gift of the 'aql. There was something in his eyes that made me feel awfully miserable.
I had barely recovered from yesterday, and receiving a third dose this morning was practically toxic to me. If I had gotten a fourth, I would probably have jumped off a building or something...
It was time, anyway. Time to be awakened, for the bitter truth to be shoved down our throats...
...that reality bites. Hard.
Current Music: Sakihokoru Hana no You ni ~Neo Visualizm~ - Miyavi
