When They Cry

Dear God, the fabric of time slips easily and quickly through my fingers as if it were silk.

Not to say that everything has been smooth sailing so far. I've had 3 days of tagging in nursery already, but truth be told I haven't learnt anything much. I've yet to clerk any case because I was too busy running to the lab to trace things several times in a day.

There are times that you just throw everything to the wind and just go "Wtf". This is one of them.

Honestly though, it's difficult when there is a discrepancy in terms of time. The higher-ups want everything stat, but the lab processing and PPK takes time. Oh, heck, even cultures need time to grow so what is the rationale for tracing them every single day!?

I really hate the nursery.

The babies cry, sometimes alone, most of the times in unison as if in an orchestra. A badly conducted one, the kind that makes you want to cry as well.

My eyes hurt from the phototherapy lights, I'm worried that my migraine might kick in on a nightly basis.

And my hand hurts from writing so much. I'm humiliated by the state of my handwriting now.

The worse is yet to come, and yet I can't even handle this!?

I foresee the need for a shoulder to cry on, but everybody has his or her own life to live and I...I have my own. I have no one but God...which should be enough.

Theoretically.

...I have much to learn.

I kind of hate my job already, truth be told.

Current Music: How to Go - school food punishment

Stuck

1. It is as I feared.

I have always thought that I have a way with words (when I actually bother to), spinning them around to sound as least offensive as possible when the need arises.

But when fear and awkwardness kicked in, any sort of formality is lost and gone is any subtlety that once pervaded my speech.

I fear I may have hurt someone's feelings, and bruised his ego.

But truth remains the truth, however ugly it may be.

But it is better than to be led astray, yes? For the pain will surely grow in proportion later on if the bud is not nipped from the start.

For how I treat you depends on how you treat me in the first place. That's how we all roll, is it not? Blame me if that makes me sound bermuka-muka, but surely you yourself would realise that you would be guilty of the same as well?

But please do not doubt the honesty in my apology.

2. Dreading next week when I enter into my nursery posting. It'll be much busier, so am I actually up for it?

Even my branula insertion skills is not 100% foolproof yet.

Will there be time to take a step back and breathe?

3. I'm such a bad friend, am I not?

Current Music: Glass no Highway - doa

Compilations #15

1. Time, a great agent of Change.

But certain things are difficult to get rid of. My penchant for dramatisation, for instance - perhaps it's just how my humour is, how I roll.

Never listen to me after my night shift but before my morning cup of coffee; Whatever I babble on will either send you into fits of laughter or give you the urge to knock your head (not mine, I hope?) against the nearest wall.

2. I haven't been updating my writing blog much.

Perhaps it's because my focus has been shifted - towards work, and towards certain possibilities that I have long deemed as mere fiction, and yet still cannot help but to feel drawn to.

It's scary, isn't it, how small things can affect things in big, unimaginable ways?

I salute you, but at the same time I lament for my own weakness for being human.

3. Somehow I always manage to get myself stuck in weird and awkward situations. It's like I'm a natural magnet for this sort of thing.

The uncertainty thrills me for a short while, then it comes and knocks me down to my knees, and kills whatever light of hope I once had.

...I wonder how long will I be able to take this rigmarole before it completely exhausts me.

Current Music: Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera