Shinjitsu

I present here two lines: "The truth will set you free" and "Truth is bitter". Take your pick.

Of course, this would depend on what kind of 'truth' are we speaking of. Usually one would go to the ultimate pain just to hide awful truths so...I'd have to go for the second. And no, I don't think it's only the pessimist of me speaking when I said that.

Setting oneself free...perhaps it's true when it concerns God. Before the 'freedom', one still has to go through the bitterness of it all

"You still don't trust in Him, do you?"

It's not just a question of trust. It's about me, whether I can actually pass this so-called test. Even if I were to 'score', how will it affect the rest of my future? I mean, all this stress is doing injustice to my physical and emotional health - is the transient moment of euphoria in this world worth all the trouble and pain I had to go through?

We all know the answer to that: "You're here for the life after this one".
There, I'm tongue-tied. But we're on a bridge that connects this life to the Afterlife, yes? If my bridge is burnt before I was to actually cross, what is my option?

I still have to make sure my bridge is strong enough to withhold the pressure and forces (external or internal) imposed on it. Perhaps we're too concerned with the beginning and the end, that we bothered less about the intermediate. Life is a journey, and we know where our _real_ destination once we breathe our last breath.
It's about maintenance too.

Current Music: Travelling - Utada Hikaru

Namae

Sometimes hearing my name being called is enough to embarrass me. While it has no negative connotation associated to it, but...the fact that I can never live up to the 'positivity' of my name is truly...depressing.
I'm only the personification of the physical solidity aspect, nothing more.
It's bad enough that I tend to argue with anything that I find wrong (no matter how trifling it may be), but now...I even argue with myself. It's a cause for concern, how it contributes to my indecisiveness.
And the fact that I'm rebuking myself...and accusing myself of being too...vile is just too unbearable at this point.
So why is it so damn hard to just be positive for once?
From last night's conversation, I can only answer in this way: Because life's not a fairy tale. Be realistic, and reality is depressing. Like I said, "Welcome to the real world"...where only the strong will survive - then oppress the weak.
But I don't intend to go into political issues - or the administrations, for that matter. Perhaps there will come a time when...I can slaughter them as much as they deserve to be slaughtered.
I know my priorities. I know what kind of obstacles lie ahead and within me - so what is stopping me from racing forward?
"You're your own worst enemy".
It's an axiom that there are some things that one cannot change - one can only change oneself. The problem is...habits are hard to break.
The hardest point is always in the beginning. Come to think of it, I have never actually been in the beginning. I'm still far from the starting line.
And I'm no runner.
It's scary, to feel that I can't even control myself properly. What am I left with?

Current Music: D-technolife - UVERworld

Onaji

Frankly speaking, I'm out of things to say.
I realise that day by day, the same thoughts cross my mind - no need to repeat them here - and yes, my emotions crumble due to the same darn things all over again.
I'm sick of it. It just proves how weak I truly am.
Perhaps this is His way of strengthening me up, shaping me into a better person?
(Merely by hearing a positive voice in my head is scaring me. No kidding. Usually I wouldn't bother too much).
The future is anybody's guess.