Namae

Sometimes hearing my name being called is enough to embarrass me. While it has no negative connotation associated to it, but...the fact that I can never live up to the 'positivity' of my name is truly...depressing.
I'm only the personification of the physical solidity aspect, nothing more.
It's bad enough that I tend to argue with anything that I find wrong (no matter how trifling it may be), but now...I even argue with myself. It's a cause for concern, how it contributes to my indecisiveness.
And the fact that I'm rebuking myself...and accusing myself of being too...vile is just too unbearable at this point.
So why is it so damn hard to just be positive for once?
From last night's conversation, I can only answer in this way: Because life's not a fairy tale. Be realistic, and reality is depressing. Like I said, "Welcome to the real world"...where only the strong will survive - then oppress the weak.
But I don't intend to go into political issues - or the administrations, for that matter. Perhaps there will come a time when...I can slaughter them as much as they deserve to be slaughtered.
I know my priorities. I know what kind of obstacles lie ahead and within me - so what is stopping me from racing forward?
"You're your own worst enemy".
It's an axiom that there are some things that one cannot change - one can only change oneself. The problem is...habits are hard to break.
The hardest point is always in the beginning. Come to think of it, I have never actually been in the beginning. I'm still far from the starting line.
And I'm no runner.
It's scary, to feel that I can't even control myself properly. What am I left with?

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