Renascence

It's like I've finally seen the light, now that I'm aware of the error of my ways.

Although, it would seem too farfetched if I were to say that it was a total rebirth on my part. I have, in fact, realised it long ago - but I'd say that it is only recently that I've mustered enough courage to...experiment.

Of course, I'm not saying that I'm changing my style as a whole. More accurately, one may say that I'm in the beginning of the transition state.

Never mind that this whole change is somewhat late. Better late than never, in any case.

I can't say that I'm confident that it will work out - perhaps it will. For one thing, it'll make me stop taking things too lightly and letting me subconscious self do all the work without my own assistance (Perhaps that's why she has been rebellious of late...).

Habits are difficult to break. It means letting go of what I used to feel comfortable with, what I felt _used_ to. But at least, I'm trying.

Get a grip. One will never know everything. The least one can aim for is as much as his/her brain is able to take, as long as there's stamina, as long as Father Time is smiling upon him/her, with blessings from the Powers that Be.
It's a leap into the dark, and out of my comfort zone.

Current Music: Keep Tryin' - Utada Hikaru

Merci

As the Japanese proverb goes, even a paper has two sides.
So allow me to begin by extending my 'heartfelt' gratitude.
To my university, which I will not mention its name here, thank you for giving me the chance to be in the course of my dreams.
Thank you for giving me the avenue to search for my true meaning of life.
Thank you providing me with a comfortable little corner I can call my own.
Thank you for introducing me to my batch.
Thank you for giving me a freezing cold lecture hall. (I like cold temperatures!)
Thank you for the new experience.

But.

Thank you for making me hike virtually everyday.
Thank you for managing to make studying less interesting, and more tormenting.
Thank you for making me surrounded by scary people.
Thank you for isolating me from civilisation.
Thank you for complicating things beyond perspective.
Thank you for making my life more difficult that it had to be.
Thank you for denying my rights as a human being.
Thank you for making me a worse person, instead of a better one.
Thank you for stripping me away from what I held dear.
Thank you for sucking my parents' money.
Thank you for deteriorating my health as a whole.
Thank you for helping me mess up my life and myself.
Thank you for changing me, to the extent that now I am foreign even to myself.

Interesting. The negatives outweigh the positives by a long shot. Is the future worth the present?

Current Music: Killing Me - L`Arc~En~Ciel

Shinjitsu

I present here two lines: "The truth will set you free" and "Truth is bitter". Take your pick.

Of course, this would depend on what kind of 'truth' are we speaking of. Usually one would go to the ultimate pain just to hide awful truths so...I'd have to go for the second. And no, I don't think it's only the pessimist of me speaking when I said that.

Setting oneself free...perhaps it's true when it concerns God. Before the 'freedom', one still has to go through the bitterness of it all

"You still don't trust in Him, do you?"

It's not just a question of trust. It's about me, whether I can actually pass this so-called test. Even if I were to 'score', how will it affect the rest of my future? I mean, all this stress is doing injustice to my physical and emotional health - is the transient moment of euphoria in this world worth all the trouble and pain I had to go through?

We all know the answer to that: "You're here for the life after this one".
There, I'm tongue-tied. But we're on a bridge that connects this life to the Afterlife, yes? If my bridge is burnt before I was to actually cross, what is my option?

I still have to make sure my bridge is strong enough to withhold the pressure and forces (external or internal) imposed on it. Perhaps we're too concerned with the beginning and the end, that we bothered less about the intermediate. Life is a journey, and we know where our _real_ destination once we breathe our last breath.
It's about maintenance too.

Current Music: Travelling - Utada Hikaru