The Blame Game

Sometimes it is only too easy to raise that accusing finger and point the blame at someone. So easy, that most of us resort to this way without skipping a beat. Like it's purely reflex, ingrained deep within us, essentially an inherent read-only programme which not many can rewrite without much toiling.

Blaming takes guts. It might involve getting in others' bad books, but it may or may not taint the blamer's own conscience. It may be an ego defense mechanism - albeit an immature or neurotic one - but it's not one that anybody can be proud of.

It goes without saying that it takes more guts to just admit one's own mistakes, and try to rectify the situation rather than busying oneself with finding a scapegoat.

Blindly, or even half-blindly, blaming others may stem from one's ignorance, one's lack of understanding of the matter. In cases of accusing people for what they did in relation to their personality or intelligence, could we safely say that, had we been in the person's shoes, we would never have committed the same mistake?

We are shaped by our pasts and our tendencies, our habits. We are who we are not only because of our external appearances, but also how we would react, verbally or in our actions, to a given situation. As such, it may involve conditioning - in which, when confronted with something that resembles something from our past, we tend to respond more or less the same way or, had we learnt a lesson, in a different manner. Because life is a series of lessons and quizzes, rather than just one major exam after certain intervals.

Our past is like a collection of baggage that we continue to drag as we tread this winding road we call Life. Some may fall out of our carriage whether deliberately or not, some are tightly locked, bound to our being - akin to scars that can't be erased, or those that become hideous keloids, perpetually haunting and traumatising us. It depends on what we'd do to these - whether we walk on strong-willed, holding our head high, or we choose to huddle, to shrink in one corner to sob like everything is futile, like we've reached the screen that reads 'Game Over' with no option for 'New Game' or 'Resume Last Saved'.

Depending on one's own coping mechanism, one may rise with glory or one may fall into wretchedness. There may be an inherent machinery within that gives a rough idea on how to respond, to survive. Is there any wonder that two biological siblings living under the same roof may grow up to become different, despite some similarities? Is there any wonder that children do not take after their parents totally? Is there any wonder that even the closest friends who claim to share the same interests can still bicker like selfish prats?

That said, I'd say it's only fair for one to blame another only if the former is well-acquainted with the latter's unjustified destructive nature. Even so, there is a limit as to how mad one should be, I guess.

Which brings us to another question - how much should we know?

In one episode of a certain slice-of-life anime (which shall be unnamed because I'm practising non-reporting here), the titular character was overwhelmed with the amount of information he gained, saying things like "Is it called the flaunting of knowledge? Or is it called the burden of knowledge?", "This world is full of things that you don't want to know"..."Because it's painful to know".

How can we seek to know without being accused of being a busybody? (Note that this also applies to my current Family Medicine posting, in which treating patients holistically also calls one to delve further into the patient's aspects of living as a human being and not merely on the disease per se - ah, the classical patient-centred approach versus disease-centred approach!)

Moving on: The issue of control.

Is it right to blame others or even oneself when any unwanted outcome that happened is beyond our control? We are basically human, and no matter how advanced human knowledge and technological developments are, there will always be some aspects in this world that will forever remain outside our control centre. (A simple analogy would be my peeves towards the local media, be it their biased reporting or the things that they may call newsworthy, which explains why lately my newspaper reading is more accurately called heading-reading instead). This out-of-control factor may work as either a deus ex machina or one critical item that triggers the wheels that eventually leads to the most disgraceful of downfalls.

So what _can_ we control, although limited our capability may be? Ourselves. Because not everyone can dictate what others can do, but at least one should have enough insight on the dos and don'ts to conduct oneself properly. Because in the end, we are each responsible for our own courses of life, the decisions that we make, the practices that we take upon ourselves. Because in the end, although man needs to live and function in a community, God will ask each and everyone of us individually, and award or punish us as He Deems fit.

Agreed, it may be hypocritical of me to have rambled on this, since no human is immune from blaming others.

Here's to hoping that we all will have garnered enough control over our own weaknesses, for the sake of a better future for all.

Current Music: Walking Away - Craig David