It has been one week of strenuous coughing & feverish episodes, I'm suspecting that I might be having pertussis. Last night I probably spent close to three hours coughing - dry, irritating cough - that I lost sleep. Today I was more on autopilot mode, and yet still managed to do my morning rounds. Luckily my MO was nice that she said she'd just read my notes rather than let me do the talking…
Still unwilling to take any cough syrup. Never been a fan of them since the start, to be honest. Already on the antibiotic azithromycin, only because the pharmacy is out of Augmentin and one MO said the bugs in my current paeds ward can only be killed by either Augmentin or azithromycin…
Maybe it's the stress. Maybe it's all the germs that the patients brought with them to the ward. Or maybe it's something more…
2. I'm probably destined to be an outsider.
Maybe I'm not a good friend after all. I can't seem to make the sacrifices to actually hang out with them, mainly because of my busy schedule and hectic life and, most of all, the distance.
Maybe my introspectiveness and weak stamina should be blamed as well. Or maybe I'm just not caring or selfless enough…
3. It's tiring for me to follow others' paces all the time. But it's even more hurtful when my timing is off and I get a forced response.
Sometimes I think it's just not fair.
4. I miss having people to chat with.
So yeah, I am missing my university days. At least we were there, in one place, free to hang out and laugh together and share ice creams and watch movies and stuff. Sometimes we would celebrate birthdays and, just for the heck of it, drive around town even though there was nothing worth seeing.
I miss the philosophical talks. Despite my preference for writing, I find it easier and more fulfilling to converse face to face with people. I get to analyse the tone of the voice, the body language, the speed of response...the kind of things that you don't get just from texting or phone calls or even online chats.
Maybe I'm just not good with people. My colleagues at the ward are just that - colleagues. Our shift ends, we go off in our separate ways, and we won't talk or text much unless it's directly work-related.
So maybe I do enjoy going to work - to some extent.
…So what is it that is holding me back, keeping me away?
5. Am I the only one suffering here?
Would the knowledge change anything between us? What would it take for you to summon the courage and take the plunge?
Am I forever destined to be chasing that which is not meant for me? As well as running away from those that I deem as hazards?
